Art @ Heart

Miss you

2012-02-16T18:29:00.000-08:00

There is a lot of thing I want to tell you. So much has happened since you've been gone. I wonder if you see how different I have become? It's funny but sitting next to you still feels like home. Like I can sit next you and you just know how I am feeling.

I'm sorry that I could do it alone. I'm not the biggest fan of breaking down. I knew I would if I did it alone. At the same time I wish I had the chance to let it all out. Every second of wishing I had you to talk to. Not getting to drive around with, to laugh with you.

It's ok. It's ok that you are so far away. I'm ok, I just missed you.

I'm so glad that you are happy. It seems our lives mirror each other to at times. You deserve happiness. Your wife is beautiful, and the look in her eyes when she saw the children in your family showed me her heart is good.

I missed you. And I hope one day, China won't be so far away.

remember

2012-01-30T19:44:00.000-08:00

Remember when I use to post list of things I love? Well I think it's time to bring back the list.

First of all I have to express how happy I am that Zac Efron is no longer this....

And more like this.....

mmmmmm how I appreciate grown up Zac Efron. Also watch the trailer for his newest movie. The lucky one. There's this very awesome scene with a shower, and a muscly shirtless solder/Zac Efron. Swoon.

Second I'm pretty sure this has been around FOREVER, but I tried it tonight and I can feel it's healthiness throbbing through my veins. It's a green shake. Spinach, banana, some fruit and a bit of almond milk. GAH SOOOOOOO good. And apparently very effective with taking the pounds off. I am doing it for dinner, really mostly because I cant bare the thought of cooking after I just spent an hour at the gym.

That's right! I haven't told you...I'm one month healthy! Better diet, 6 days a week of working out. And 12 pounds (15 if you ask me in person, everyone knows you round UP) lighter. On Friday I fit into my Skinny Day jeans. I promptly wore them Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I can't wait for the day that I can tell you those jeans no longer fit.

Third have you heard of Pinterest? OMG get your ass on there. If you are one of those people that love to look at random things, this is the site for you. For as long as I can remember I have found pictures I loved and saved them in a randoms folder in my pictures folder on my lap-top. Now I can store them online, and share them all with you! Also there are some killer recipes, great art, beautiful photography and is in general a place full of creativity. GO get wait listed, that's how awesome it is, you have to be invited OR be wait listed. But it's so worth it.

Fourth Hunger Games. So the cousin's mentioned a few time that I should read this series "It's good". As the popularity grew my interest did too. So I thought whats $10. And from that moment I was lost in that story. I can't remember the last time I love a character as much as I love Katniss and Peeta. Together and separately. For serious read this book, don't wait for the movie it wont be as good. It will however have two very dashing young men playing Gale, and Peeta. That will be worth the $13 to see the movie.

again

2012-01-29T21:06:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've spent a lot of time talking about the past lately. And how I've over come it all, I hope by now you've gotten the point. I am happy, I am strong, I am me.
I also feel like I've spent a lot of time talking about all the things I want in the future.
But not so much time talking about my life now. I'm not sure why, maybe if you talk about it there's a chance of it going away. But I've decided to talk about me. My life now.

As most of you know I was living with my cousin's T and her husband KC, for the first while. I'm sure they know, after spending an evening with drunk Cathy, how much I appreciate them. They have been the voice of reason(s) is my life for about 3 years now. And I know that any time I need to go home, their door is open....or I have a key. Or I can throw rocks at their bedroom window until they pay attention to me.

But NOW I am no longer sleeping in the bunk beds of their two youngest sons. No longer do I get a wide variety of lovely home baked cookies, and meals. No longer do I have to endure piles of clothes (socks) in front of my door, or KC's belt left in various places in the house.

NOW I have 5 room mates. I found this house of girls and pretty much instantly knew that this is where I need to start. By no means is the house an architectural master piece. I sleep in the basement...not just in the basement. I'd say Alana sleeps in the basement. I sleep in the basement laundry room, right next to the washer and the deep freeze. Well right next as in on the other side of a wall. But I love it. When I'm done, and want to just be me I go to my room shut the door and I'm in my own home.

My room mates are all great girls. We are all very similar. Three of them go to ACAD. My first thought was "Way to waste your money! You don't need to go to school to be and ARTIST." isn't the whole point of art that it is a self expression? Did any of the greats go to art school? Before Picasso cut his ear off did he endure a long art school critique?
But once I got to know them, I realized that most of them had legit careers in mind. Photographer (a girl after my own heart) and Interior Designer.

The other two girls who do not attend ACAD, are great too. At first I was a bit leery about both of them. But I have found ways to grow close to each of them. As close as I can get. I am happy in this house. There isn't any fighting or crazy drama. We are just 6 girls living our lives. And even though I am the only one not in school, it's crazy how we can all still be going through similar things. If anything it is always nice to come home to a chick flick on the TV and a fridge covered with hot, half naked guys.

Secondly, my job. I am incredibly lucky to have snagged this job. And while I don't have that fiery passion that I did a few months into it, I do still love it. I have learned many things. Most importantly I have strengthened parts of me that I didn't know needed help. And since we are on the topic I met a new friend. Sure I'm friends with everyone I work with. But I feel that this guy is a real friend.
We are just gonna call this friend D.

D is the spitting image of Alex (a friend from high school). I think that is why I decided I could trust him. Even though Alex is kind of a jack ass now (it's only because he found out how it felt to have sex. Then he got all crazy about girls THEN he realized he was hot, then throw a bit of alcohol in for good measure... and well it all went down hill from there).

Any ways it's been nice to have a legit friend again. I mean honestly I cut pretty much everyone that wasn't essential from my life. Only those I was 100% sure where not gonna let me down were allowed to stay. I missed the feeling of getting to know who you are with new people. Plus D has a plethora of single attractive friends, so the more I hang around him the better my chances of breaking the single ( and sadly celibate) trend that is currently running a muck in my life.

I was recently taking inventory of all the good things that have happened this year. I got a new car, I have a job that is stable and good paying ( and looks totally pimpin on a resume). I am going to China this year. Oh right news flash B, my cousin in China. He got married to a Chinese movie star. So they wanted his family to come to China and visit. He later called back and said "Oh yeah BTW's fam my favorite cousin aka best friend also needs to come so get her a plane ticket too". I'm sure he did not say it like that, but ever since I found out he married a movie star I hear less of the deeply profound B, and more of the "Yeah that's right who married a FAMOUS person now beeeotch!!" kind of B. FYI that B doesn't exist except in my head.

And since I'm now on this topic, I'd like to list all the things that will never again happen (between B and I) now that he is married.
1) I will never be sitting in the kitchen drinking milk and see him sit down in front of me wear just his garment bottoms with a pair of boxers over them. THANK GOD! but then I will also never see him burn it up the stair in a panic when he hears the door of his Dad's car.
2) I will never again have a conversation about how many wives he will have. Or maybe I should instigate this conversation with his new wife. I think the women needs to know he wants a 7 wife family. And also to have like 75 kids. One girl to another....someone should prepare her for that shit.
and 3) I may never again be having an emotional conversation with my cousin and have him fart extremely loud in the middle of it. I'll also not get to bug him about the only CD he owns (backstreet boys) or about the fact that he has a man purse and a day planner with tulips on it.
Mostly I'm really happy for B. I love him, and I know he needed to get a wife. I'll always miss him and the year we spent together as friends. But we are family, so we are stuck together ... forever.

The Bucket list

2012-01-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

it's 2012.
Usually I would start my 365 photo challenge today, get 2 weeks maybe 2 months in and quit. Instead this year I've decided to do something I can't fail on. I'm making a bucket list. There's no one a day, most likely they will come in batches. For a quick over view you can see them on my "Pinterest" board. But I'll try to keep them up to date here as well. So here is my Bucket List:

Saturday Secrets

2011-11-26T10:05:00.000-08:00

Hello again blog world! Maybe one day I'll actually post. But until then here is you Saturday Secrets!

Saturday Secrets

2011-11-19T15:53:00.000-08:00

Recently I down loaded the Post Secret app for my iphone. I have been a PS fan for a few years now, I never go a Sunday with out checking Post Secret. Since getting the app I've been taking screen shots of my favorite ones. So I thought I could throw them together in a video along with a good song and share them with you each week.And a little fun fact, one of these secrets is mine. Can you guess? I doubt it!

For any one who doesn't know what Post Secret is here's a quick run down. A few years ago a man name Frank handed out a bunch of blank post cards with his address on them, and handed them out to strangers. he asked those strangers to write down a anonymous secret and send it back to him. Every Sunday Frank posts those secrets on his blog www.postsecret.com. Since then it's caught on and they have developed an app. Where people can log on and post anonymous secrets for the PS community to see.

Okay and now for my Saturday Secrets....

I'm sorry

2011-10-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I torcher myself.
I go on my friends facebook and I look up Bryan.
Not becasue I miss him and want him in my life.
Becasue I spent 2 years loving him, and even though he is an ass hole. I want him to be a happy ass hole. Actually I want him to be a good, honest, happy, loving man.
Not for me, for him. Yes he was a douche to me, but he was also my best friend. He taught me how to be strong.
I went on facebook to look him up today.
And I saw his profile picture was an image of him and brinae and a little girl. Brinae had her hand on his leg, and they looked so happy.
And for the first time since I took them out of my life, I didn't feel mad. I didn't feel betrayal or even a little hurt.
I thought maybe this was why I had to go through so much with them. So that they could be happy together. I want both of them to be happy. Seeing that picture it made me feel like something good came out of those two years.
I doubt that either of them will ever know this, but I am extremely happy that two people who I loved so much, are that happy together. And I hope that they both get every good thing that they deserve.
Yes they both picked the worst possible way to do it.
But I am a strong belever in doing whatever it takes to be happy. Even if it mean that someone gets hurt along the way. Because lets face it, the people we love are the people we hurt the most.
I'm sorry it had to go the way it did, thank you both for teaching me things I needed to learn about myself.
Good luck Brinae and Bryan.

Two feet.

2011-06-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

I see my life one way.
At times it doesn't seem like it really matches. But then one day I sit down and take a look and realize, I ended up were I wanted to be.
I think my entire life I have take the road less traveled. Actually the road less traveled is probably the road most traveled. I know more people who forge their own paths than ones that walk through life on a pre-charted road.
Taking your own path is hard.
Some times there's no one who thinks your doing it right. But how can you ever be doing it wrong?
If life is not predetermined then you're never a screw up. Then you never make the wrong choice. You never fail. Even when you fail.
Learning is one of the most important parts of life.
Nothing is failing if you learn.
If you can take nothing with you after you die, but family and what you have learned then only two things matter.
Love and knowledge.

Even when the worst things happen.
I see my life one way.
I've always found that comforting.
I've always known how my life would be.
I think everyone who knows me, has too.
Maybe they saw it differently.
But I don't see how you could really know me and not know.
How could you not know?

You rarely get what you deserve out of life.
But that's ok.
I know people who deserve nothing.
I know people who deserve every thing.

When bad things happen it takes a long time to recover.
People don't understand that.
When bad things happen it takes a long time to recover
Not even I myself understand that.
When I can't recover quickly and keep up I feel like a failure.
But if you never really fail, if everything good or bad, long or short, rich or poor, is part of your path then I'm still moving forward.

Eventually I can see things clearly.
It feels like I closed my eyes and heard everything fall apart.
I waited until the noises calmed, and opened my eyes.
When I opened my eyes I was safe.
I know what it sound like when my life falls apart.
I know what it looks like when I make it through.
And now I'm learning what it feels like to continue on.

Life is lived with two feet.
Your heart changes.
Your mind wanders.
Your eyes see the new.
And your two feet go forward.
Forward on a path I made for my self.
One I've always known I would take.

52 weeks... round two

2011-05-02T20:04:00.000-07:00

We all know I love photography. We all also know that I try to do photo challenges. AND we all definitely know I have never finished a challenge! But I'm doing it again! Starting now.

Week One

May 1st, 2011

"While we are postponing, life speeds by".
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca, 5 BC-

The work and timing

2011-04-25T11:51:00.000-07:00

Since I put a stop to my friendship with Bryan, life has changed a lot. Actually I have changed a lot.
But the biggest problem I have been running into is timing.
I spent almost two years thinking of what would happen once I wasn't on pause with Bryan.
Once I left him, I was about to graduate. There were things I needed to work towards that were coming up fast.
Finishing my practicum, graduation, moving, getting my brother settled.
I felt like my life was going forward.

Then it all stopped. I finished everything that needed to be done and nothing else was working out. I think I was expecting things to just happen. Like the universe was going to just give me a break and align everything.

B use to tell me think two steps ahead, then take one step.
In this case I was thinking 8 steps ahead and trying to take 6 steps.
When I realized that wasn't going to work out I got a bit upset. I am so sick of not having money, a car, or being able to rely on just myself. I didn't want to do the work, once again I just wanted the end result.

That's how I am.
I don't want to build a relationship. I want to be swept up in a furry of romance and find my one true love. I don't want to start at the bottom and work my way to my dream job. I want to get a phone call offering me a job with a top ad firm. I've never enjoyed the work. So I have always looked for the easy way to get the end result.

The end result when skipping the work, is getting less than what I deserve. But I guess if you don't do the work then you end up with what you deserve.
Falling in love doesn't just happen. You meet someone, you build the foundations, you get to know someone, you support them and they support you. But when you don't want to do the work, you end up with people who are usually looking for someone to save them. They are fine with you supporting them, getting to know them, and even letting you love them. But they aren't okay with doing the same for you, because they can't. They can't love you becasue they don't know you, but they can need you and that is almost the same.

being needed is not being loved. Being loved is so much more than just that.

Having to do the work is hard. But it's not harder.
So even though I hate doing the work it takes to deal with my issues, to make money, to be happy, to find love. I am going to because I would rather work hard and get what I deserve, then skip it and have my life end up the same.

Sometimes dreaming about my life makes it hard to wait.The more I think about travel, the more I want to just go. Especially on days when I'm just sitting around. It's so hard to wait for the things that I want so much. But I have never been able to work my way around that.
Usually I just get fed up with trying to save the money it takes to travel, or get a car, or have nice things, and I give up.

Once my Mom asked me when I was really broke, "What do you have to show for all the money you've made?" I think the list went like this: my ipod, my laptop, my living expenses. At the time I was working full time at IGA and could help but hate my life. While my room mates were all driving cars, paying for their educations, and affording their living expenses.
That is how it's always been, it's to hard to save and work my way to a car. So why bother? I can live, and I'll have fun with what I make.

Timing and the work. Those are my biggest weakness.
That's why I've decided to start doing the work and not letting the timing stop me from getting what I want. If I end up being 30 and just barely getting to where I want to be, than that's okay. It's okay not to have it all together right now, I'm 22. And maybe accomplishment wise I won't be on top for a while. That's okay. This is me accepting that. And this is me changing.

Chapter four

2011-04-21T21:25:00.000-07:00

Well I have been out of Lethbridge for about 3 weeks now.
Being gone has had its joys and hardships. Of course it's pretty hard to hold anything in when I'm living with my main go-to people. All it takes is a "So how'd it go?" and I suddenly am spilling my guts.
Mostly moving has been a wave of emotion.
I had issues that needed some attention I didn't even know about!
At first being here was great. I was motivated, excited and optamistic.
Soon I was discouraged, bored, and verging melt down.
Then I realized maybe instead of throwing myself into another situation that ends badly, I should deal with myself. I have always had issues being alone with my self. Of course T is here all day long too, but it's not like I sit by her side all day long listening to her witty one liners (I know shocker!) But being alone with myself mostly involves having nothing to distract myself with.

So I started dealing. There has been a lot of plots about how to get back at Bryan. A few run in scenarios with various people who I know live in Calgary, but don't keep contact with. There's been many why-the-hell-did-I-waste-my-time-at-school-if-I-can't-even-get-a- f-ing-job-with-this-damn-degree moments. Even more this is what I want to be doing with my life dreams.
In the end, I'm here with T and KC (and the occasional mass of children) working at the mall, trying to deal with my core issues before I get into a full swing new life.
It feels kind of like I'm building a bridge. I'm saving money, dealing with problems, building new friendships. I can see the other end (the end where I am getting on a plane to go to see B and Thailand) but as of right now I'm building the supports so I don't fall through half way there again.

So this is Chapter four of my life. Chapter one being ages 1-15 and all the dramas and hardships in that age range. Two is 16-18 a much shorter chapter but a glimpse of my first crash-and-burn, falling in love, being independent and broke. Chapter Three is 19 - to leaving Lethbridge (I think it can be appropriately named the rise and fall of Bryan-ism). And Chapter four. This chapter I hope will be much happier than the last few. Mostly I will be looking back at the last three chapters of my life, making a what-not-to-do list, and dealing with unresolved issues.

But this chapter is already full of good.
So there it is, Chapter four. Stay tuned for plot twists, climaxes, comedy, tragedy, and success.

friended

2011-04-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a pretty boring week. Boring weeks lead to boring activities to pass the time. I was looking at my profile pictures, reading the comments, see who liked what, when I came across a old picture of me. I have been over my pictures so many times I can recite the comments in my sleep. But this time something was different.

A small picture appeared next to an old comment left by Cody. If you know the story of Cody then you should also know that after I convinced him to not be my friend anymore he blocked me. So for three years there has been that little FB guy next to his comment.

I clicked on the link to his name just to see if it was a mistake. Nope no mistake, he un-blocked me.

Now it's been three years. I am totally a different person now then I was then. But now that he wanted to opened up the communication with me again, suddenly I felt like that 19 year old girl again.
I HATE that 19 year old girl.

So then I texted Lauraj and she tells me oh yeah Cody is turning his life around again. And he is looking for something familiar to cling onto again... Well thanks for telling me exactly what old Cathy likes to hear. WHAT!? There's someone of the opposite sex who needs my help!? Well okay let me throw my entire life away to help him! DUH-DUH-DUH DUUUUHHHH!!! You think after 6 years of being my best friend the woman would know what NOT to say.

So I spent 15 minutes staring at his FB page. Internally struggling once again wither or not to friend him.
I thought about how awful the past two years have been with Bryan. About the times I wished Cody would do what he promised and save me from this man. This man who completely destroyed who I was.
He never showed up.
I never heard a whisper, or saw a glimpse of this guy who told me even if I didn't want him in my lief he was there for me.
I was alone again.

The thing about me now is that I am not old Cathy. Bryan took old Cathy and stomped all over her, and then ripped her down over and over and over.
I'm not the girls anymore.
I didn't click the add as friend button.
I don't care if Cody needs some one, I needed someone and he wasn't there for me.
I'm not mad at Cody, I'm not still in love with him. I'm just not going to take a step back into the shittiest 4 years of my life.
Cody started something, Bryan brought out the worst in it, and I'm stopping it.

Hi my name is Cathy Coppin, and I am happy. For the first time in years, and I wont let anyone Cody or not take that away from me.
I hope Cody's life work out for him. But I'm not going to take the chance and see if he really has changed. Because it doesn't matter.

12.Some pictures you love

2011-03-31T10:40:00.000-07:00

Well I love pictures so this could be a long one. So instead of showing you a bunch of random photos that are cute, I'm going to feature some of my favorite photographers!! Spread the Photography Love!!!

My photo. Lets face it you've all seen this before, but this photo remains a favorite.

This Photo was taken by Peter Fiorino. He was in my first year classes. Great guy, lots of fun, fantastic photos. Once his site is finished you can see Peters work here ...

FRESHphotography this photographer is based out of BC but I have totally fallen in love with her photos! you can find FRESHphotography here ...

Sarah Novak aka the big sister of Bryan is one of my favorite photographers. Or maybe it's just her subject matter I love! either way you can find Sarah Novak here...

Ruthless Photos is an Australian based photographer, she does animal photography. Mostly dog, love her stuff love those puppies! You can find Ruthless Photos here ...

Bobbi-Joe Grunewald Photography aka my cousin! I have always loved Bobbi's work (this one is particular, as this cutie belongs to Kendra . And has the most crazy blue eyes!) You can find Bobbi here ...

This Beloved Life by Danielle is based out of Red Deer, I love her stuff and I also love her website layout (thats the design nerd in me) You can find This Beloved Life here ...

Now I don't know if Andre Dupuis of Departures counts as a photographer, but seriously this man has got some talent!Read about Andre's travels, and his photography here.

Last but not least, my photography partner in crime, KC Roberts. Case and I share a common love (other than his wife/my cousin) we both love taking photos. You can see KC's work here (if he ever updates it!) ...

11. Goals

2011-03-30T17:44:00.000-07:00

It's very fitting that 2 days before I leave the topic is goals. Hum goals, well up until about a month ago my only goal was to survive. Now life is more optimistic, and since I am about to start a new chapter in my life I think writing some goals is just about right.

1. Men. My first goal is to find a balance. I've never really been concerned about finding the one, until a guy casts me a tidbit of attention. Then suddenly my calm, cool, collected self, becomes a anxious, jealous wreck. My first goal as a college graduate, is to remain cool, calm and collected until I find someone who is actually worth the stress. But then if he's worth it I dont think there will be a need for Cathy psycho-woman to emerge.

2. Second goal, get a car. Before the beginning of the summer. It's literally been 3 years since I first said, "I'm saving up for a car!" Some car I should have by now. Yeah, I think my wardrobe can take a hit until I can afford a little rust bucket and the insurance for it.

3. One thing that I should do a lot more is give more energy to those who give it back. Stephanie and Stephen, Tiffany and Casey, Zach, Jessica McCrea. That's just the short list. No more energy goes to the Bryans of the world.

4. SAVE MONEY! Like seriously why is this so hard to do! I would like to save $2000 this year. For no planed reason, other than having a surplus of $2000.

5. Okay I know realistically this is a lot of money saved but I will leave North America this year. I don't know where, or how long. BUT this year I will finally conquer one of my life long dreams and step foot in a different continent.

6. Be stable. I would like to feel stable for once this year. I want to get an apartment and not know in one year I'll be moving. I want to decorate it, make it my own. I want to buy things and not think "actually why get this, it's just going to be a pain in the ass to move." And who knows maybe get a dog!

7. I want a good job, in my field. That I make over $10,000 a year at.

10. What you believe

2011-03-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. -Dr. Seuss-
Be the change you want to see in the world.
That's what I believe.

9. Favorite TV shows

2011-03-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

Okay this is a fun one. I have about a hundred favorite shows, like I said earlier I get a little TV obsessed, probably because my life in general is really dull. Okay so here they are, my current favorite TV shows!

I just started watching Prison Break, so far so good. Though it doesn't have the addictive quality the rest of my shows have had on me.

This is the first season of the Apprentice that I have actually watched. But you gotta love watching classic celebs go head to head....

I could talk about Departures forever! or say log on to CityTV's website and see for your self why I love this show!

Who doesn't love Glee? It's a whole hour of good songs, and good looking men!

This show is my 2nd all time favorite show! I mean come on....It's LEGN...wait for it....DARY!

My life as Liz is an MTV show about a girl just out of high school, surviving New York, heart break, and life with out her Nerd Herd. It's kind of "the Hills" esk. As it's her actual life (but I'm pretty sure most of it is scripted) Regardless Liz reminds me of my BFF Laura, and well is just addicting!

Even though I lost the bad guy, I still watch Survivor. No decision on wither I'll watch once Rob is gone... But I can't deny Boston Rob my weekly love.

I LOVE TEEN MOM. I'm a bit of a reality TV junkie. But this season is just as good as the last. And the Babies are So CUTE!

Number one all time favorite TV show. I'm not a big Vampire fan, but seriously there's something appealing about these Vampires.....especially Eric Northman. Can't wait for season four to start!

8. Put your iPod on shuffle, first ten songs

2011-03-27T13:38:00.000-07:00

So you want to know what songs will come up on my iPod humm? Well brace yourself....

1. Don't Panic - Coldplay
2. Get Crazy - LMFAO
3. The Fixer- Pearl Jam
4. Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus
5. Drown- Three Days Grace
6.Never Leave Lonely Alone - Ben Harper
7. Don't Rush - Teagan and Sarah
8. That's Incentive - Death Cab for Cutie
9. Second Go - Lights
10. Hard to Concentrate - Red Hot Chili Peppers

There you have it. The first ten songs that come up on my iPod.

7. Favourite movies

2011-03-26T19:11:00.000-07:00

Okay so my list of favourite movies is always in the works. It changes from day-to-day, but there has always been three movies that stay on top! So here they are....

There you have it, my top three favourite movies of all time!

6. A song that makes you cry

2011-03-25T09:10:00.000-07:00

There has never been in the history of music that I heard (while not in an extremely irrational emotional state) that has made me cry. BUT I am going to share a lovely song with you all. Actually I am going to share three, because I can. This is my blog get over it.

Okay so this one in no way makes me cry but I just really love it!

5. Things that make you happy

2011-03-24T06:52:00.000-07:00

Oh man this is going to be a good one. Things that make me happy, here we go! Hold on to you socks guys cuz there's a TON that makes me happy.

Overly attractive vampires

Legen.........dary TV shows

Cute babies! Actually only this baby and his Mommy.

Kaleb!

Pictures of Asland.

Cute kiss pictures.

Audrey Hepburn everything

Ed Westwick.

Blaire Waldorf

When Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf kiss.

Hedgehogs (I mean really they are cute)

Comic book art.

This beautiful man. (Aaron Johnson)

Looking at Jacob Hoggard (still, I haven't out grown him!)

Sex and the City, and Carrie Bradshaw in general.

Dogs in wigs.

Ok so he doesn't make me happy... let is swoon and emotion?

Peonies my favorite flower.

These two strapping young men. And their travels.

Corgis, look at this puppy!!! Look at his short, mini legs!

OH MY GOD... BUNNIES!

And last but not least anything that has Seth Rogan in it. What would I do if this guy got me pregnant? REJOICE!

There you have it, the things in life that just make me happy (please note this isn't my serious list. Except for the sexy vampires, Shia LeBoef and Seth Rogan. I don't joke about attractive men.)

4, Something you're looking forward to

2011-03-23T19:07:00.000-07:00

There's like a million and a half things I am looking forward to. But I mean seriously, I have been planning on traveling around the world since I was about 10. This is the year I leave North America. The picture is from my favorite travel show "departures". They I believe are in Jordan one of many places I want to see. Instead of listing ALL the places I dream of one day seeing, I'm going to show you. Here we go, Cathy's list of places I dream of seeing in my life time:

India

Chile

Cuba

Ireland

Zamba

Mongolia

Papa New Guinea

New Zealand

Paris

Rome

Russia

North Korea

Venice

New York

Greece

I think you guys get the point, I could probably upload the entire world. These are just a top few. And I'm not saying I'm going all these places this year (I wish) but one day. The "Help Me Travel The World" fund is now open, now get out those wallets and help me live a dream! :) No? Not even in my dreams? Okay okay you guys don't have to be so mean! lol.

3. Your siblings and parents

2011-03-22T16:13:00.000-07:00

This is the Coppin/Campbell family (minus Chris). This picture is the most recent photo of all of use. And in my personal opinion the best. because seriously we have a whole slew of awful family pictures. One in perticular that I unfortunately dont have a copy of, hangs in our dinning room. It's of us 5 at Disneyland. Besides that being the worst family vacation in the history of vacations, we all look pretty ruff. You know what is better than writing about how much you love each of your family members? Posting ridiculous photos of each of them! Sorry guys, good thing only one of you reads this blog!

Good Christmas gift to my family? professional photos.

And of course here are some single shot highlights of my family. Love you all.

This photo isn't bad. I just now she will love to see it up on my blog!

This one is about as close to the Disneyland picture you guys are going to get!

That's it guys. That's my beautiful family.

2. Somethng that stresses you out.

2011-03-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

Page Design. I know that if you have never had to put a Newspaper page together, you can't full understand how stressful it is. So here's how it goes.
First you spend about an hour trying to either shorten a very poorly written newspaper story into a small space. Or your creating a custom graphic to fill the left over space, because the writer didn't care to make it more than 40 words.
Then you move graphics, text, and so much more all around a page until it fits
Then once you think it's right you send it to proof.
It comes back looking like it was massacred. And you need to moved things closer, fix the spell of a grammatically retarded print student, lighten photos, change leading, re-work entire pages!
And lets not forget that when you ask a question, you are publicly humiliated.
Then you fix it all.
Proof it by a much nicer student proofer.
Listen to the teacher talk about how you should be finished by now.
Fix those correction.
Proof it one more time
Listen to them nag about putting it online.
PDF it, put it online.
And run out of that room like you never have before.
And so concludes the largest stress in my life.
I know it may not sound so stressful, but imagine working on one page for over 4 hours and then picking up a newspaper the next day only to see they replaced your entire page with a full page story of a guy who got charge with child porn.
Luckily for me, I'm on newspaper promotion this week, which means I have put together my last page for the Lethbridge College Endeavour!

The count down

2011-03-20T13:35:00.000-07:00

You may or may not know that in 13 short days I will be closing this chapter of my life and opening a new one. Strangely this chapter begins at T's house again (note 3 years ago I was doing this same thing, minus the running away from controlling man part, oh and not having a diploma part).
So here I sit 13 days until I reach a mile stone in my life... Whats a mile stone with out a count down?
Well I found this 15 day challenge on a friends blog. Since there's only 13 days until I leave I reserve the right to ditch two of the 15 days.

So this is my 13 day challenge count down to the end...bye bye Bridge, I'm going back to the big city (after a short stay in a smaller city with T)!

Day 1 - Self portrait picture, and 13 interesting facts

Day 2 - Something that stresses you out

Day 3 - Your siblings and parents

Day 4 - Something you're looking forward to

Day 5- pictures of things that make you happy

Day 6 - A song that makes you cry

Day 7 - Favorite movies

Day 8- Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

Day 9 - Favorite TV shows

Day 10 - What you believe

Day 11 - Goals

Day 12 - Some pictures you love

Day 13 - pictures of your dream house

1. This is one of my favorite pictures, I haven't been able to display it in a long time (thanks to personal choices to have a jerk in my life) That girl kissing me in the photo was a great friend, and I wish her all the best.

2. I am afraid of birds, I developed a fear of pigeons while taking the C-Train back and forth when I was last in Calgary. It has now developed into a fear of ALL birds...

3. I one day plan on running my own design business. Most likely using my blog's title as the name. It will be a advertising design firm/photography studio with a gallery in the front.

4. I get kind of obsessively weird with TV shows. If I like a show, I'll watch it, talk about it, change my cell phone and computer background pictures to it, quote it and all in all fall in love with it. Until I finish the season and move on to the next show I obsess with. I think it all started with Degrassi the next generation. There has been a large string of show since. Gossip Girl, Glee, Departures, How I met your Mother, Instant Star, True Blood, and the list goes on.

5. I hate stuffed animals. 95% of the time when I see them a small rage about how useless they are builds up inside of me. The other 5% of the time I have "AW that's so cute" moment. Mostly when they are super duper soft. I have 2 stuffed animals. One is an orange cat I got from my Grandma Coppin when I was like 4, her name is Tabby Cat and she looks permanently angry because my mom washed her and her fur got all matted in angry eyebrows. The other is a white bear my mom gave me, and for reals the only reason I still have that one is I think my mom would kill me if I got rid of him.

6. I never really thought I had a style, until I did a major cleaning of my closet this month. I trashed over half of my wardrobe. What was left? an array of blue,grey, brown, white, and black plain shirts, sweater, and hoodies. And 4 pairs of jeans that all look the same. And a bunch of extremely bright patterned PJ's. Yup I have a style.

7. I have book ADD. I have a pile of books this high that are all started but not finished. The really good ones in one pile, that not so good ones in another. I love reading, I just usually get half way through and then get distracted.

8. I haven't painted a single thing since B left for China (two years). It has nothing to B being in China (however if that will make you come home for a visit, yes it does your killing my creativity!) it's just the last thing I painted was for him to take with him. I actually think it was an awful picture of a fish... maybe I should redeem my painters rep. However In the past year I really got into comic book art, I now have a whole sketch book of black and red marker pictures of comic book characters.

9. (wow these are ending up being super long!) I just finished packing my room to move. My entire life sits into 4 plastic containers, 2 suite cases, and a laundry basket. And even though that's a great amount to move, it's a sad amount to own!

10. Remember when I really wanted to get a practicum with the Southern Alberta Art Gallery? And I got the interview but they picked this tragically alternative, I love staving children in Africa, I like dread locks girl from my class? Well recently that girl had to ask me if I could let her design the rest of my ads for the year so she could get enough credit to pass the course. To this I say: Karma. You may have beat me into getting the practicum I wanted (that may I say she didn't deserve) but now you need my help to graduate. Oh and she recently dropped the SAAG practicum. KARMA: When you get passed over for things you really want, and then the people they give it to screw them over.

11. When I was packing my room/ de-junking I had an entire box full of half use Bath and Body Works product to give away. Hello my name is Cathy and I am a Bath and Body Works addict... p.s. has anyone heard if they are hiring ? :)

12. Usually I skip through about 15 songs on my ipod before finding one I want to listen to. No matter what mood I am in, I NEVER change a song by The Postal Service. No reason, their not even my favorite band. I just am always always always in the mood for them.

13. When I left Calgary, I spent a day with my old room mate and friend Nichole. We walked around Down Town Calgary looking at all the artsy things down there. On a table in the lobby of a gallery was two vases and a pad of paper. The pad explained that you were take a piece of paper out of the vase on the left, write down someone/something you wanted to leave behind, stuff it into the other vase and walk away from it. I did. On April 1st I am going to write down one word on a piece of paper place it on the window sill of my room, turn around walk out of my house and never look back. What will that word be? Well it is the only word that can sum up all the good and bad memories I will be leaving behind in this house. Good Bye.

is it to late?

2011-03-06T14:05:00.001-08:00

As some of you may or may not of heard I kick Bryan to the curb.
I'll pause for you aplause.
I thought that it would be easy, kick one ex BF/BFF and live a happy fulfilling life.
Turns out it's not that easy.
Why am I sad about this? Am I crazy? This is the guys literally took my heart and stomped on it!
Why am I still making excesses for him? Why can't I just be the bad guy? Don't I deserve to be happy.

When I think about it one question always ends up in my head.
He couldn't really expect me to stay around after he choose her. Could he?

Maybe he hasn't done as much as I thought he has.
But in the end, I was his girlfriend, and he couldn't have cared about me much if 3 days after we broke up he slept with my best friend. And when I see the way he treats her it makes me mad. I never got treated that way, and I gave it my all. So maybe the reason I haven't been able to fully walk away until now is becasue I've been waiting.
Waiting for him to see that I am amazing.

Well I'm don't need to wait anymore. Even if I feel bruised, used, broken, I know that I deserve better. Everyone does. Even Brinae does. But he deserves exactly what he has. Nothing more, and certainly not me.

I didn't tell you that I had a slight relapse this weekend. I let him convince me that I wanted to casually talk still. To casually have him in my life. I know, right now, that I want nothing more to do with him.
So this is what I am going to say, tomorrow right before I block his number from my phone, and block his Facebook account from mine.

Bryan,
You said the other day that we have come so far together, and that it would be a waste to let all that go.
I know now that that is not the case. We have come far together, and even though I wish I could have learned them another way, I have learned things that will stay with me always. I have no clue if you learned anything, I don't even know if I really made an impact on your life.
And you know what I don't care. I don't care if you graduate, or if Brinae loves you for real or not. I don't care if you move into your mother place again, and I don't care if you never leave this place.
I stopped really caring about you along time ago. In fact I remember the very second it happened. I was sitting in a radio booth texting you and you told me you had started talking to Brinae again.
In my heart I knew that you never really cared about me. You may think you did. But I was just that girl. The one you needed to help you get to where you want to go. The one you will look back and think fondly of, but not the girl who wins. Not the girl who stays part of your life.
I'm the girl who moves on Bryan. Who gets everything she ever wanted because she's worked for all of it. I'm the girl who comes home one day to a real man, who know just how lucky he has to have me love him. I'm not the girl who keeps finding people that make her unhappy to fill a space. Because as of right now, that space is full. Thanks to the people that really do love me.
I have come to far alone, and it would be a waste to let all that go for 25 days of having you in my life.
Good bye forever.
Cathy Coppin

the wall

2011-01-09T20:54:00.000-08:00

There is this wall when it comes to me and you.
You take it down when you need me to be there for you.
But when I need you it's always up.
It's an ugly wall, and not at all hidden or misable.
You built it with selfishness and and self pitty.
You built to protect yourself.
You don't see the wall.
Even though it is completely unmissable, you can't see it.
Even when I take your hand and press it against the wall you still see nothing.
On it you hang you "friend of the year" award.
The one that you created and hung yourself.
It's strange because when I don't need someone the wall does not effect me.
But in my darkest hours, I see it looming over me.
Leaving me alone in it's dark shadows.
I tried to take down the wall.
Nothing works.
And so I decide that the only way to escape the feelings the wall has left me with is to leave.
Leave you and the wall.
To let the light shine on me.
But there are other things that tie me to the wall.
I think sometimes even the wall ties me to the wall.
Less often now, but still a tie.
Could I leave all these ties behind?
What would my life become?
Or can I find something to bring me light until the ties drop.
And I am free to walk away.
Give it all up, or find a light?
Both seem equally as hard at this moment.
But which one will I choose.

Happy New Year

2011-01-05T00:17:00.000-08:00

Typically ever new year I have filled out a questionnaire. But this year I just didn't want to type out what my greatest hardship has been, my goals for the new year.....yada yada yada.....so instead I used what I love the most to sum up 2010. Lets not get me wrong in no way was 2010 my prime year. But there where some pretty good memories. So here's a photo collage- via a facebook app - that I threw together for your new years bliss. Happy new year friends, family, and bloggers. Now lets forget about what happened last year and move on to some new adventures!

2010-12-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

It's funny how things pass.
I thought my 21 year old problems would be the end of me.
Now I see that my 21 year old problems are just the sand paper of my life.
lessons learned, egos put aside, and hard feeling buried for good, this has been an ok year.
I mean yes it was pretty shitty. But I learned some life lessons.

I learned how to fall in love, and to fall out of it.

I learned how to work at relationships, I learned the value of friendships.

I learned that sometimes things are hard. That's just the way it is.
And any one who thinks life is always suppose to be up, is completely stupid. Because with out the downs there would be no ups.

I learned that people often don't mean to hurt you. But they do because they are just human.

I've learned that the little things, like spending an hour with the cutest baby on earth, or taking the dogs for a walk, can mean more than the big things.

I've learned that forgiveness is really freeing.

I've learned that you can follow you heart, or you can follow your head, it doesn't matter down both paths there will be something unexpected.

Nothing is fair, and watching thing be handed to those around you is often discouraging. But earning what you have, and what you want is really the best feeling.

I have learned that often what looks like love, is usually two lonely people hoping to find love. And that just because you want to meet the love of your life doesn't mean they are right in front of your eyes. But I still believe it's worth the wait.

I'm 50/50 on wither I think psychics are full of shit or the tellers of my future. It's been about 4 months and love hasn't happened......and she said it was right around the corner. But then again that corner could have been pretty far away.

I guess looking back this year hasn't been all that bad. I've had people around me who love, value, respect, and admire me always. And I guess even when you hope for so much more, that's all you can really ask for. And that's all you really need.

Happy new year guys. Here's to your family's, your happiness, and your dreams coming true.

Giving Thanks

2010-10-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

Oh man, it has been entirely to long since I posted. Okay well Today is THANKSGIVING!!! My personal favorite holiday, because on Thanksgiving my two favorite things are brought together. Food, and Family. The double F's in life. However this year there is no family.....but I insisted there be food! And not just food, real Thanksgiving food! So I set out on my first attempt to make a real thanksgiving dinner.

First off why do they not sell precooked turkey slices on TG? ummm not everyone has time/money/skills/need to make a whole TURKEY! So I had to settle for chicken, it's close enough.

Second why the crap are pumpkin pies so gross looking. I went to Safeway looking for the monster of all pies, I mean a real beauty. I found the opposite. small, flimsy, gross crust, sad sad pies. But they were the only ones so I settled....It still tastes amazing, it just looks off.

I got home and realized I have no clue how to make half of the stuff I needed. Gravy? Yams? I'm at a loss....Luckily my iphone (even though recouping from a recent bad encounter with the toilet) can solve anything. SO I began the food making process. And in the end I was proud of the results.

Okay okay so the marshmallows are a bit over cooked.......Give me a break would you! Other wise I think this dish gets and +A!! Happy Thanksgiving Family,Friends, and Fellow bloggers. I'm thankful for everyone of you! And especially the ones who get late night calls, and help me think logically. I love you all.

52 Weeks

2010-09-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new Goal. 52 weeks, 52 pictures. The 365 was a little much, but one photo in 7 days I think I can handle that. Plus less photo's mean I have more time to put some emotion/thought into them.

Today is week one.
Monday September 13, 2010.

Bryan's sister has 3 amazing dogs. Jane is the oldest, I think she is 14ish give or take a few years. She hasn't been doing to well the past couple of nights. After discovering she has an enlarged heart, her lungs filled with fluid. She spent a night or two at the vet and is now home recovering. Jane means the world to us all. Shes family. We love you Janer!

Stay tuned for week twos photo. And keep an eye out for my currently under construction Photography website "Art@heart By: Cathy Coppin"

12:47

2010-08-31T23:57:00.000-07:00

I feel like things are going backwards.
not every thing just you.
Don't you rememeber?
The way things were.
I do.
Awful.
thats it.
The way things were.
Don't you recall?
everything was bad, and it was mainly becasue of you.
I will not go backwards.
If your going that way I hope you can go it alone.
It might be harder to for me to let you do it on your own.
But I'm willing to give it a try.
At last.
Peace.
Is what I want.
The time has come, to walk my own path and to let you walk yours.
I hope they cross, and merge, Or run side by side.
But this is my path.
It leads away from her, from your love for her.
It leads away from betrayal, and lust.
I hope I am strong enough to walk it alone.
It won't be forever.
One day I will have someone to share my path.
But I can't walk it with you.
Not Anymore.

Whoop up days

2010-08-26T23:23:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have lived in the bridge for a good chunk of time now. Every year they have a fair, rides, food, booths, just all around fun. I have never been before. And after a bit of commotion between Bryan and I, I didn't make it yesterday. So today I went on my day off with M and J from reitmans. I love them!

First I tried my very first elephant ear.... really I have been missing out on heaven for a long time! They are SO good! check on my fair grounds list.

Next I wanted a henna tattoo. After a lap we couldn't see a booth, so we settled for an air brush tattoo. M, J and I all got matching bumble bee tattoos. We are really just that cool! check.

Next it was to the rodeo, where we found ourselves surfing Facebook instead of watching the rodeo. It was lame, we gladly made a nice lie up to M's friend who we went to watch and made our way back to the fair grounds!

Once back we got the most massive snow cones and went to the shark encounter. which was basically a bunch of baby sharks, being man handled by some Australian guy....Kind of cruel, kind of lame. Then to the worse reptile tent ever.check check check.

The final Thing I wanted to do was see the psychic. J's mom goes to get a reading every year. The psychic had predicted her brother death, and her step fathers. I have been stuck for a while, and really needed something. Not to mention I have always wanted to go to a psychic.
I walked into her trailer and sat down at a small table. I noticed the mass amounts of crosses and pictures of Jesus all around me. I looked at the older lady, not wearing a bra, cigarette in hand, wild black hair, and I was nervous. I got a palm reading and a card reading. And even though there a many of you out there who are thinking this is such BS. I don't feel that way. Actually I kind of felt the same way when I got my patriarchal blessing.
The lady, Marda, asked me to shuffle the cards and focus on the things that I want answers to. Or direction. I did, I split the deck into four piles. She flipped the first card and said "Your stuck. You have reached a spot in your life and you feel stuck." Chills ran down my spine.
Next card. "Are you close to your Father?" she told me that she feels a closeness between us that is very strong. She said he is near me a lot, and that he was now.
Next card. "You just went through a hard break up. He was very important to you." she told me he was emotionally draining on me. And even though parts of me still loved him that I needed to let him go, because he would never give me what I needed. She mentioned that he holds a great amount of respect for me and thinks very highly of me.
Next card. Love is around the corner for you. She said she felt I had been alone for a long time, and that even though I am young I have experienced a great deal of hardship. She said I was going to find a man to love me soon. That I already know him, that I just needed to get to know him. That he would be a hard worker, and a good guy.
She mentioned that I was going to be taking a trip in the near future, some where with water.
flipped a card. "Your going to be very professional in your work." When I told her what field I was in she said it matched what she saw very well. She flipped another card and told me I would be very successful in my career and be comfortable in my future life. That I would buy a home with the man that I will meet soon, we will have 3 healthy kids and that we will live a long time together. She told me I should live until I was about 82 83ish.
She also told me that I have healing hands. That people feel healed by me. And that I have a bit of psychic in me. She said that I get dreams that come true (which is true), and that the older I get the more often I will get them and the stronger it will become. She mentioned a closeness with my Brother and sister that would never go away. She also told me that I would be attending a funeral soon, but that I was not close with the person.
She said a lot. At times I thought how could she know this about me? And in the end it was worth every penny.
Even if you think it's a load of crap.

Whoop up days HUGE check.

Eat, Pray, Love.

2010-08-14T14:30:00.000-07:00

Some times in life you have these moments. You are sitting some where and at that moment you are filled with joy. At that moment you feel like the person you really are, all your flaws and your strengths weave together into one beautiful person. And deep down to your very core you feel that you are at peace.

There are moments in my life where I have felt this. There are also moments I expect to feel this. And even though I have these moments, I still don't feel I know who I am. Do you know who you are? I watched the movie "Eat Pray Love". I went to this movie for three reasons
1. I love Julia Roberts
2. I love movies that take place in exotic locations
3. I knew it would inspire me to get back to finding myself.

Here's some thing I decided in the movie. I know a great deal about myself. I just often feel that I can not be myself to please others. I want to live my life for me. I do believe in a God. My God is different then your God, as your God is different then some body else. To me he means some thing totally different then what he means to you.
God dwells within me, as me. I don't think God is interested in the show. He doesn't want to see me as the perfect church goer. And never really understanding who I am. He loves me. And he wants me to see my self as I am, so I can love myself as much as he does. God doesn't only love and bless people who follow LDS church standards. He sends blessing to each person every day. All I have to do is breathe to get them. And even though at time I feel that being who I am, may appear to be wrong to those that I love the most. I know that God wants me to figure it all out, so that I can be just as at peice with myself as he is.

If there was one word i could pick to describe my very being at this moment it would be..... I wish I knew. I don',t at times I think it would be artistic, but that is just a talent it is not who I am. It is not the word that sums up me. What would your word be? Not an easy question. I started on a journey to find myself, and I have become a little stalled. But then again maybe I just feel stalled and that is holding me back. I am making a promise to myself at this moment. To start to live life. I'm not going to do it by traveling across the world right now. Right now I am going to live my life by learning lessons, loving and sharing every small moment I have. Learning how to draw knowledge from the people around me.

In the end this post is meant for one thing only. To tell you that I am finding out who I am. And that I am not afraid to be who I want to be. That the only approval that is satisfying is your own. And that even though my life seems like nothing special right now, it is, to me.

been there done that

2010-08-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

I really want to post. Unfortunately I don't have much to say.

I know you were all waiting to hear about the weekend of weddings. Ok well lets just say after the weekend of the weddings I went to Bryan's house and cried for 15 minutes from exhaustion. This does not mean that I did not enjoy both weddings a lot. I did. by 5pm Sunday night I was so tired I was literally falling apart. My knee was in a tenser bandage, my arm was being bandaged up and my stomach was being pumped fulll of food. As I have no pictures form wedding number two yet, this is all you get.

I love this girl, her baby, and her new man! Love you Mrs. Fox-Walker. Oh and just for emphasis of how much I love this family here is another picture <3

Ok Ok moving on. I finally quit at Reitmans. Not because I don't love it... I do a lot. unfortunately sometimes your happiness has to be dictated by money. and Reitmans is not making me any. Plus the theater isn't that bad. I mean there's free drinks and pop corn on shift, Bryan is there....oh right and the assistant manager is pretty cute! So I am destined to permanently smell like buttered pop corn. I guess it could be worse, I could smell like a deep fryer.

So the Bam Fram Froosh was here for wedding one. You know Lauraj? We have this little joke about how every picture we take together we are matching...Case and point.
Picture one Grade 11 on our way to the Anti-Flag concert, If you cant tell we are both dressed the same and have the same pink in our hair, same necklace......

Picture two LizD's wedding we were in the bridal party (we were the bridal party!)...

Picture three Stephy's wedding....well the trend continues.

BFF's or twins? lol Thank God me and Bryan don't wear matching cloths in our pictures!

Ok well I posted. Maybe next time I will have something to say! Love you Bloggers

Cray Town

2010-07-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

I got another job! yeah! It's a bit late but in the case of money I will say, better late than never! I have had two training days at the movie theater this week. It's not so bad, I mean it's not the most glamorous job..... I did have to break down and buy all black shoes, that are definitely ugly but in a cute way. They don't have a whole lot of grip on them so last night I found my feet slowly moving out from under me. And instead of walking I kind of glide around concession. For the most part it might actually be one of the easiest jobs I have ever done. We'll see so far so good.

So the weekend of the weddings is steadfastly approaching. That means a few things.

1. I am going to have to wear a dress and high heels for two days straight......not a big deal. It's not as if though I am a tom boy, but I don't really wear dresses often, I tend to forget you can't move your legs certain ways or sit certain ways. Not to mention Steph's bridesmaids dress is a little snug, so breathing is kind of restricted.

2. I am going to be in front of a camera for two days, not behind one. At first I thought great I would love some new pictures especially ones were everyone is dressed up nice. Then I realized oh I don't get to take any of these pictures. That's sad. So dear photographers if you see me scowling in your direction it's only because I would rather be taking those photos!

3. there's gonna be a lot of driving! I have to go to Calgary and pick up Laura, come home. Drive to the other side of the city for a bachlorette party, come home. Drive all over the city to get my hair done, the ceremony, the pictures, the reception. Then drive to Cochrane. For someone who doesn't drive that's a lot of driving.

All in all the weekend of weddings will be enjoyable, entertaining, and I am sure a little dramatic. I mean I can only stand Nicki for small amounts of time before I am ready to knock a bitch out. Just saying I might have to set her control freak of a self straight a time or two. See you at the weddings.....or you know stay tuned for scenes from them!

U Smile

2010-07-25T15:33:00.000-07:00

I think the reason I blog WAY less than I once did is probably because my life is not actually that exciting on a day to day basis. I know what a SHOCKER! But it has been a while since I have done a random things post. So here are a few things that have crossed my mind lately.

1. Have you ever read a post on my blog and thought "wow, why is that the title of this post?" Well that's because about 4 months ago I realized something. It takes to damn long to think up cleaver titles! Since I always listen to music when I write on my blog, I started naming my post the name of the song that is playing when I started writing. It's true, if I started writing this 5 minutes later than I did this post would be called 4th dimensional transition.... it just makes life easier.

2. Many of you know my bestie Bry. We spend a lot of time together. A lot of late nights talking and such. Most of the time he is the one who get super tired first and starts talking weird. It's a result of sleeping pills he takes. The other night, I was on the couch and he was on his lap top. I remember talking but at the time it seemed to make so much more sense.We tend to have our best conversations when we are tired....It might be because we are both to tired to worry about the others feelings.
Bry: "For us spending 36 hours a day together we get along pretty well."
Cathy: "We do spend infant amounts of time together.....there isn't 36 hours in a day."
Bry: "It's weird how well we get along"
Cathy: "Yeah, well it's probably cuz the only time I leave is when you are being a douche."
Bry (I don't think he caught on to the last comment of mine): "It's like the universe made sure we met. You know?"
Cathy: "I think the universe just made it so I can put up with you."
Bry: "No the universe made it so I can put up with....Stupid WARLOCKS!"
Cathy: "We do spend a lot of time together"
Bry: "That's cuz I loooove you and your my best friend"......"Cathy? CATHY!"
Cathy: "......Can we go to sleep yet? I am f-ing tired Bry."

3. Did you know that I can never spell because right when I type? I always spell it right when I am writing it. This is why, in grade 2 my teacher taught me a rhyme to remember how to spell it "Bats Eat Cats And Ugly Snake Eggs". To this day every time I write because I say that in my head. When I type I don't and I spell it wrong EVERY time......sad.

Goodnight Moon

2010-07-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

It has been a long 3 months. Possibly the very longest. I had some pretty bad moments, there were plenty of tears shed. I never thought that my life could get any harder than it has been. But it did. Of course it did. Now that I am on the other side of it all, things are looking a lot better.

One night I went to sleep, before I laid down I looked out side and thought "Well, I hope things are really going to be better tomorrow." I went to bed, and the next morning things were different.

The first thing that got better was me. I have had issues with Bryan dating other people for a while. I couldn't figure out how to shake that feeling. You know that heart stabbing, angry, jealous feeling? I shook that feeling. I'm not really sure what changed.....I think it was just me who changed. I now hope he dates other people, it gives me a chance to have a break! I learned a lot from being with Bryan. That is something I don't regret. Bryan helped me find parts of me that I didn't know were there. And parts of me that had been gone for a long time. The most important things he taught me were: Honesty always, forgiveness, and that every one is just human and they need to learn just as much as I do form the situation.

Second thing that got better was my dreams. For a while I felt like I wanted to do nothing. A few days ago I picked up my camera, and went out to take some pictures, to waste time. Three hours later I was finished shooting, editing, and uploading them. I flipped through them and realized something, I love this. Not just like this LOVE this. I have never in my life felt as good as I do when I am taking pictures. I love everything about it. I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that I will never ever give up photography. It is like a piece of me, that I just discovered.

Third thing to change was my attitude. I have always felt that if you laugh at it, it can't hurt you. At some point in the last three months I forgot to laugh. I honestly woke up a few days ago and realized, all those little things that were building up and destroying me, were actually pretty funny. So I laughed all day long, I laughed at every little thing that was meant to hurt me. Everything that was tearing me apart. You know what there getting better.

Fourth thing that I discovered. Was me. I started on this path to figure out who I really was a while ago. I didn't know me, I didn't know what I could do, who I could love, how I was going to live my life. I spent a majority of this journey doing things differently than was expected of me. I moved in with a gay guy. I had a real relationship with a boy. I went to college parties, I played flip cup and beer pong. I fell in love with communication arts, and then with photography. I stopped loving a God that I didn't understand, and started looking for one that I do. I learned about all kinds of things. I found a best friend, who yes is often an idiot but who really cares about me. I learned about mental health. I learned about love, lust, and cheating.I learned to be honest always, and that I actually really love comic books movies. I am really happy with how I am living my life right now. And I am sure that my life will continue to change. That's the thing about finding your self. Your never your self very long, before who you are changes again. Things changes always, and continuously.

I know that this won't be the last time my life is going to be hard. I even know that it might be a lot harder. There are a thousand things I haven't lived and don't understand. And I know that I can do it. T and KC might have to save me a few more times. Mom might have to endure a few more phone calls that start like "Mom? *sob sob* every thing is shit! *sob sob sob*". Bryan might have to stay over months on end. Lucky I know they will be there. So ok, thanks for the life lesson God. I look forward to continuing to finding out who I am. Today, tomorrow, and forever.

finally

2010-07-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

It felt like it was never coming, but finally things are getting better. And when I feel good, I take pictures!! Ready for the latest batch? You will be, I love them ALL!

I MADE IT!!!!! and now that all the bad is behind me, I'm ready for a future as beautiful as some of these pictures!

Losing you

2010-06-21T14:00:00.000-07:00

Do you know what it feels like to lose someone?
How about What it feels like to watch someone slip away, and not be able to do anything?

I am feeling that right now. I have been for months. There is a chance that I could lose my best friend. Every day I watch him get farther and farther into a deep black hole. I have tried everything I can think of to help him. I tried to check him into a hospital,I forced him to see a doctor. I encourage him. I help him in all that he does. I make him laugh and I hold him when he cries. But in the end I am at the same place. Sitting in a hospital chapel waiting for his appointment to be over praying that God will listen to me just this once, and send me someone to help him.

I never thought watching someone slip away would be so hard. I never thought it would force me to face all my fears. It has. And even though I know I am strong enough to do this, at every moment I want to give up. I don't want to be rescued. I want him to get better. I want to see the love in his eyes and know it is here to stay. If one day I do, that's the the day I know I have been strong enough to save my self.

Happy fathers day

2010-06-20T16:23:00.000-07:00

So it's fathers day. It's been a long time since this day has really meant anything to me. But I recently have had a change of heart. So today I am not going to say a lot. But enough.

There are a few guys in my life that I love to death. First is my step dad. Even though we don't see eye to eye all the time, you Tim have really been the closest thing to a father I have ever had. I am so greatful or that. Sometimes it's strange to think that somebody can even be close to filling that big hole in my heart. Where a fathers love should be. But in the past 5 years you have done a pretty good job of it. And I love you, even though you drive me crazy!

Second guy is KC. KC you barely even knew me but you knew that I needed someones love. And when things are hard one of the first thing I know will help me through it is a big hug and a few words from you. Since you came into my life you also helped fill a bit of that hole in my heart. And I trurly am grateful fo you. And love you.

Third, is a man that has always been here right from the start. My uncle. Even when I am not making life decisions that I know everyone is proud of, I still see you uncle J as a great man. I am so thankful for the love you have given me my entire life. The guidence and the patience. You have always been the guy who I looked up to. And even though I didn't really have a dad for a large part of my life, you have alway been basically it. Thank you uncle J for loving me.

And last but not least to my real Dad. Even though it took this long to see it, I love you. You were the first and in the end you are my last "Dad". And I miss you everyday.

woman of influence

2010-06-18T00:36:00.000-07:00

In my life time there has been a handful of women who have been there for me. Some more than others. Each of which I am grateful for.

Of course there is my Mom, and she knows how much I love her. But this blog post is about a different woman. Who in the past has made some whoopers of mistakes.

I always looked up to her, she was a good Mom a good wife. She still is. I was trying to pattern my life to look similar to hers. Then one day she told us all a big fat secret that definitely took the cake in our family. People made their own decisions about her. People took it personally or they didn't.

I was shocked yes, but this is one special lady. I never had an issues with what she had chosen. I felt bad for those involved, maybe thought she could have gone about it better. But I have been through my share of parental drama, and I know that even though it is hard, it makes you a better stronger person in the end. I still don't have an issues with what she has chosen. Because her choice is an amazing man, who proves time and time again that bad decisions don't make bad people. And because he is to loving to not get the heart of anyone.

I still look up to her. She is so amazingly strong. And once you get an up close and person look at her new relationship you realize that real love is worth the wait. I know that for some the past year and a half has been trying. But it's all about to become official. And I thought this would be a good time to say how I have always felt.

Sometimes it is hard to see past the hurt. Unfortunately we lose a lot when that happens. I should know I recently let my hurt stand in between loving my father, and look where that got me.

T I love you. You have been the soul reason for my survival this year. You never judge, you never lecture(well usually) you just open your arms and love me regardless of how stupid my decisions are. I am proud to have you in my life (and you know that bald guy that hangs around with you a lot). You are my woman of influence, and we are all lucky to have you as part of our lives (even if some don't know it yet)You are the same person in my eyes, just happier and a little more experianced. And I hope everyone else learns that too.
Congrats T and KC. I love you both.

Photo of the day

2010-06-07T21:32:00.000-07:00

So remember how I am taking one photo every day for a year?

And how I was going to post all the extras on here? Well turns out I took 165 photos this week. 7 of which made it to print.......well you see 165 is A LOT of photos to upload one by one on here so I have a better idea!

So I started myself a Flickr page. If your interested in seeing the photos I pick to publish, and the extras maybe you should stop on by! And you know anything else I decide to through in there......right now having one picture a day is kind of got me busy!

So here's the link........ http://www.flickr.com/photos/21959508@N06/

don't click on it for some reason it doesn't work, but if you copy and paste it into your address bar you should be good to go. If not it's on my websites on FB.

Go See and then you know tell me how awesome I am! lol

The sound track of my life

2010-06-04T00:53:00.000-07:00

Ok so I got tagged in this so here I go....and if you want to as well here's the instructions.
1. Open your music library.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For the first question, type the song that’s playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the Next button.
6. Tag other people to do it too!

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

1. Opening Credits: I will posses your heart - Death Cab For Cutie (looking good so far)
2. Waking Up: Disco Heaven -Lady Gaga
3. First Day at School: The righteous & the wicked - Red hot chili peppers

4. Falling in Love: Jumping rooftops - Angels and Airwaves
5. Losing Virginity: Your song - Harry Connick Jr.

6. Fight Song: Suck my Kiss - Red hot chili peppers (very good
7. Breaking Up: Breathe- Angels and airwaves
8. Prom: Wear and Tear - Pete Yorn ft Scarlett Johansson
9. Life: Deep -Pearl jam
10. Mental Breakdown: Satellite mind - Metric
11. Driving: When I look at you - Miley Cyrus
12. Flashback:Get buck in here - Akon (ummmm worst flash back song.)
13. Getting Back Together: The Gift - Angels and Airwaves (man they show up a lot in the sound track to my life.)
14. Wedding Night : The Middle - Demi Lovato (the middle of what?)
15. Birth of Child: Hold You in My Arms - Ray LaMontange
16. Final Battle:Dear Blank - Hedley (LAME)
17. Death Scene: Call Home -Wild Lights
18. Funeral Song: Hey - Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Internet dating

2010-06-01T14:04:00.000-07:00

Obviously I have a bit of time on my hands lol.
Ok so after all the dirt settled a few months ago, Bryan and I joined a dating site (as a joke) Plenty of Fish. Bryan has had great success with this site. 3 dates and a possible GF now. I however have not had the same luck. Met one nice guy.......got 100 other messages that I wasn't to crazy about.
So I have decided that since I am now a season veteran in online dating I would give you a list of things I have noticed about online dating.

1. Put a picture up. Seriously, no girl wants to agree to talk to someone that she has no clue what they look like. Attach a picture ok, write and tell me about how all your pics are super old just makes me think you are really ugly. And 85% of the time I will be right.

2. when you do your write up on your profile there are a few things you should note. First, you need to put more than one sentence. I like music is not enough to draw someone in! BUT you can over do it. If I click on your profile and it takes me 15 minutes to get through your write up that's bad as well.

3. DO NOT write about all of your flaws in your write up. If I decide to message you back I hope that I will start to get to know you better. And over the course of messaging hanging out and even dating I hope I will find your flaws out by myself. By this time your good qualities will hopefully out shine the bad. Don't give it all up at the beginning. You may think that is being honest, but really it is asking girls to click away from your page.

4. SPELL THINGS RIGHT! Ok I'm not the best speller in the world. sure I get a few words wrong here and there. But is it really so hard to copy and paste your stuff to a word doc and SPELL CHECK IT! See I personally think inelegance is important in a future partner. So under no circumstances should you spell the words ARE -- r, TO-- 2, YOU-- u, FOR---4. Really hit the two or three extra keys, it will do you a world of good.

5. Putting a picture with animals in it is really a sink or swim kind of situation.
This is a good picture with animals:

This is not a good picture with animals:

Sink or Swim.

6. Dont take a picture of you abs. Your abs may be smoking, but abs aren't the only thing that I will be looking at.

7. You should just know now if you are more than 10 years older than me it's probably pushing it to ask for a date. If you are more than 20 years older than me......just move on.

8. Pick up lines can be a cute funny way to message someone. But remember that this girl doesn't know you at all, so if you pick the wrong on your hooped.
"Your fishing days are over" GOOD. I can message you back.
"If you stick your hand down my pants you will feel real nuts lol" BAD. I tell all my friends about the creepy thing you said, and you PoF days are numbered my friend.
oh and putting lol at the end doesn't make it any less creepy.
9. Maybe try to put a few unique hobbies you have on you profile. I have read these more than I ever want to:
"Outdoors"
"Cars"
"Partying"
"Hanging out"
these things tell me very little about you. Out doors? do you know how much that includes? Cars? do you like looking at them? Do you like hot wheels? I mean come on!

Well I think that's all for now. I know in three days I will have thought of about 70 more! So maybe online dating isn't ideal. But it's always a pick up to get a messages telling you you're a cutie!

Project 365

2010-06-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

I realize I am not the first person to do this, but I recently downloaded an app called "Project 365". Basically this app is a calendar that I can organize pictures I take each day on. If you haven't checked them out, there on FB. BUT it turns out when you go out hunting for the perfect picture once a day you get a few more than just one good pictures. If you wanna see the pictures I select for my official picture of the day, go look at my FB page. But I will be posting all the extra pics on here! a blog exclusive you could say.

It's been a little over a week since I started posting pictures daily. And I now realize this is some thing I hope to do for a long time. So enjoy theses bonuses, and go look at the best one's on Facebook!

Bryan says I have an addiction to taking close up picture of inanimate objects. He is right, but they just look so damn cool! I'll try to broaden my photography horizons!

rain

2010-06-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

it has been raining and gray for about a week now. Usually I am down for a little rain and gloom, but when your spirits aren't very high a constant week of gloom get wary.
I'm ready for summer......bring on the SUN!!!!

Since the weather has gotten me down, I have taken to sarcasm to brighten my day. For a while there I thought I lost my groove, but turns out it just takes extreme stress to get your sarcasm back. That or talking to T, not sure which one maybe a combo of both. But hey did you know I'm funny? It kind of shocked me! I'm learning that making fun of my situation, it makes it a lot better. To bad new joking about Bryan's new GF (yeah I'm sure that relationship is going to work out very well) is kinda touchy. So I'll just do it here where he can't see!

Funny as I sit here typing the sun started shinning. Oh how I have miss you! Moral of this post. Laugh, and pray for sun. It apparently works! Oh no it's gone. Damn.

I actually wanted to talk about TLC in this post. You know TLC, the TV station of reality TV. It seems that just about everyone can have a TV show on TLC. Today me and Bryan are looking forward to watching a new episode of "One great big family". "One great big family" is a show that follows a normal everyday American family during their day to day lives. BUT they are over weight!.........Seriously? you can get a TV show for being fat? And not even like the struggled journey to lose the pounds. Just straight up "My family is over weight, deal with it." Not that I have anything against being over weight.....obviously. Just if they get a TV show I want one too. I promise you I can generate enough drama to draw in an audience.
There is also a show about midgets on TLC. I find it strange that there are people out there who find watching small people shop for sinks entertaining enough to have more that one episode of.

Ok I'm done, and if I get lucky the sun will stay out!

2010-05-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

I hate you. There is a part of me that hates you. Sometimes I hate you so much I can barely keep it together. I don't know why I feel the way I do. Ok? I'm one of the most messed up people you will ever meet. I have issues. But when it comes down to it, I never felt loved by a single male for very long. And no matter how many times you say you love me, no matter how many times you say you will always be here, I don't believe you.

The last thing I want is to be alone. But for some reason I always push, or run away. Maybe it's because I know the second I find someone who will actually stay, who will put me first, who will love me more than anyone else, he will be able to hurt me. Hurt me more than you, or the boy from last year. More than my Father, or anyone. Once I believe that you actually love me, that's when I am the most vulnerable.

But I know you are not him. how could you be, he would never put me through what you have. You see this is all a test. I do it every time.I make you see how wonderful I am, then I ask you to fight for me. And every time I have been left to fight alone. Maybe I pushed, but if you were the one who would stick around, I could walk out myself and you wouldn't give up.

This maybe a tall order. Or maybe it's not. All I know is the you are not the man who will stay. One day you will find some one else. And being your best friend won't be my job anymore. I just pray that when that happens I have found the one who will stick around. Or I have found my self, and will be able to battle the war alone.

Yes sometimes I hate you, but mostly it's because I know one day you'll leave.

Rain

2010-05-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up to a down poor of rain. Most days I love rain. But when you have to got to work in two hours and the last time you owned anything rain proof was when you were about 10, rain isn't very welcomed. So even though money is tight I thought ok I'll take a cab.

Once at work I realized that my plan for getting home wasn't a for sure. So I texted everyone's favorite boy Bryan. Turns out he made plans with the girl he is now seeing.....again. ok ok I told him I would try. So even though I realized I'd be walking home I tried to not be upset.

Six o'clock came rolling around and it was time to brave the rain. By now the rain had only increased its down poor. So I zipped up the only thing I had the resembled a rain coat, and was off.
I got to the cross walk ten steps from the store and I was already drench from head to toe.
As I walked I thought of all the things I could say to make Bryan feel bad.

I got to about wendy's when I saw another man walking.
He wasn't wearing much a long black shirt and a leather vest. His hair was dripping wet, and he looked like he hadn't eaten in days.
He slowed his passe as he saw me coming. I knew I had two dollars I could give him. He asked me for money. I always give them something.

This might sound dumb but once a long time ago in church someone commented. If a bum came up to Jesus on the street and asked for money, he would give it to him. Even if he knew it was just to buy alcohol. He would hand it to him, shake his hand, tell him he was loved, make that man feel good and go on his way. Ever since that simple comment was made I have given them something. And I never once regreted it, the look one their face makes it worth being out five dollars.

Any ways I handed him the dollar and then ask "sir are you hungry?"
He was of course. Monika a girl I work with had just sent me with five pieces of hot pizza for my supper. I reached into my purse and gave him the bag. he thanked me and walked on.

Even though I didn't give up much, I did give up something important. I realized that even though I was hurt, and upset that Bryan had ditched me yet again for some girl I wasn't going to let it show. Because a lot worse could be done to me.

I feel humbled, and even though I was freezing by the time I walked home. I have never enjoyed walking home more.

I'm grateful for the rain.

Sensible heart

2010-05-25T18:02:00.000-07:00

I write here so little these days I often forget what the last thing I wrote about was. Then again I often forget what the last thing I said was.....so it's not really a shocker.
I guess the thing I miss the most about being a regular blogger, is how it feels to write your life down. It's funny how simply putting a situation into words can organize it and help solve it.

Last night I was trying to kill time, and so I started to download free apps to my Iphone. unless you have an iphone you have no idea how much time can be wasted by downloading free apps. Last night I went to the astronomy category. Did you know in a past life I was married to a french soldier, who was killed in the war? He was given a medal for his service, but it gave me no comfort. So I started a anti war activist group, but since no one listened to women back then, nothing came of it and I died lonely and angry at the government. The app said "This explains why you are so anti war today." I looked at Bryan, then at my phone then back at Bryan and said, "BRYAN! this app knows about my past lives!!!" He looked at me like I was on crack. Then I read him his past life. He wasn't impressed.

Bry:"I meet a women, get married, and we spend our life together farming?"
Me:"YES! and that explains why you have a desire to find true love!!! see it is so smart!"
Bry:"That is the stupidest thing you have ever said. EVERYONE WANTS TO FIND TRUE LOVE!"

Next was the Tarot card app.
Me: "Bry can I read you your tarot cards?"
Bry: "No."
Me: "Come on!"
Bry: "I"M PLAYING ROCKBAND LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Me:"Whatever, you destiny sucks anyways!"

The last one was the hauted house app. Which in a nut shell was just a bunch of pictures of house across the world, with a paragraph write up about why they were haunted.

Me: "Bry, there's this place in Kentucky. It use to be a college, and when it was a priest hung five girls in the basement over the points of a pentagon!"
Bry: "Pentagram.."
Me: "Right! Anyways it says here that the students could hear the screaming of the five girls at night. So they closed the school."
Bry: "Right they closed a 300 year old college down just because there was "screaming" at night. It couldnt be that it was falling down around them"
Me: "Seriously, you are zero fun!"
Bry: "I hope you accidentally get charged for everyone of those stupid apps."
Me: "And I hope you fail this song on rockband."

Henry Nearly Killed Me (It's a Shame)

2010-05-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

These past few days I have felt like a new me.
Scratch that. A different me.
I have come to realize that the phrase "New me" is kind of a load of shit.
Your never new, you always have the old in you. You can't just shake it out. Stand on your head and suddenly BOOM! the old is gone.
Nope I am the same girl.
I just have different elements.
I also think that everything you are is already inside of you. Good or bad. It just takes situations to bring those sides out.
So there is no new. There is just me.

It has come to my attention that some of you think things have been ruff because of a boy. Things are not ruff because of a boy. Things are ruff because I am lost. and a boy just happened to know just where to push to break me. New and old me have never totally broke becasue of a boy (not even Cody).

Anyways different me. Yesterday I laughed and not just you know laughed, but really laughed. I'm sorry to tell you if I have laughed at or with you in the past 3 months it was the laugh. Not a laugh. I laughed because of something Bryan did. Today I realized that is a slippery slop. Allowing your happiness to come from someone who's emotions flip on a dime is a bad idea. But even though that was my first Laugh, it is not the first time I have felt different.
I started spending time with LizD. That is good. I feel good with her. I started helping Stephy with the wedding. That is good. I work more. good. I spend more nights alone at my house. good. I talked to the DeCoste's. good.

Please don't take this as "oh good, she is fine." I am better, but not perfect. I still get lows. So please don't think anything is 100% resolved. But it is smoothing over.

one drop

2010-05-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

One drop
That's all it took.
It didn't solve anything.
It made you feel worse.
But one drop
Hooked you.
Two drops
That's what it takes
It never makes you feel better.
But you go back to it anyways.
But one drop
Hooked you.
Three drops
That's what you need.
It could kill you she says
But in your darkest hour
all it takes
is
one
Drop
.

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T11:02:00.000-07:00

In my life time I have had a lot of Mother's. But I only have one real Mom. This lady.....if you know her you know she is pretty great! So even though I am eternally greatful for all my other Mother's, to day this post is just for her.

Dear Mom,
It's been tough. But tough has made me into what I am today. I know some times we don't agree, we don't see eye to eye. I know you think I am crazy, but I think you are too. But what are daughters for if not to make you question your sanity? You are a good woman, the best. And you have always been my best friend. You always have been and you always will be. Thank you for excepting me, I know my decisions aren't always good. But I am learning, and it means the world to me that you watch me learn and realize that even though you think it is wrong, it is my life to live. Some day I will have a daughter of my own, and I pray she is just like me, just a bit smarter when it comes to crazy guys. Because if she is just like me, that mean's that I am just like you. I couldn't ask for a better Mother. Happy Mother's Day Momma. I am glad you finally found a place and a person that makes you happy. I can't think of someone who deserves it more.
I love you.
P.S. these are post cards sent to a blog that I read. I think that they express how I feel just as well if not better than I can.

these last Ladies are the other Mother's. I couldn't do it with out you guys. I love you too

I love you

2010-04-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

I love you is a crowded phrase.
You say it all the time. It's meaning is different when said to different people.
Sometimes it is fake.
Sometimes it is real.
And some times it is both.
When we were together you told me that you loved me.
I wasn't sure how real love felt.
But if you felt it for me, Then that must be how it felt.
I told you I loved you too.
I know now That I didn't.
I know now that I did.
I loved you that was no lie.
When we broke up you told me that you loved me.
I wasn't sure how real love felt.
But if you felt it for me, Then I must be crazy.
I told you I loved you too.
I know know that I did.
I know know that I didn't
I loved you that was no lie.
When you told me the truth about you and my best friend you told me you loved me.
I wasn't sure how real love felt.
But if that was how you showed it, I wanted no part of it.
I told you I love you too.
I know know that I didn't.
I know know that I did.
I loved you that was no lie.
When i told you I had to go for little while I told you that I loved you.
I wasn't sure how real love felt.
But I felt it for you, and I knew you felt it for me.
I know now that love is changing.
I know know that love stays the same.
I loved you that was no lie.
I know know that my love for you was always the same.
Sometimes it was real.
Sometimes it was fake.
I say it all the time,it's meaning is different in different situations.
I love you is a crowded phrase.

I lied

2010-04-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

Ok so I said I was done. But truthfully I don't know what I want anymore.
I thought since I never posted, that it wouldn't be a big deal if I just stopped. But when I didn't have the option, I realized how much this blog means to me. So I am still here. It might not be often, but I will try.

If you have been a part of my life in the past 9 months you will know a few things.
1. I fell in love.
2. It didn't last.
3. He is now in love with the girl I thought was my best friend.
4. She plays with his heart but doesn't love him back.
5. I am the one who holds him together.
It has all been pretty shitty. The worse part is that I never got a chance to get over him. It was only a few days after we broke up that I found out about what had happened between him and Brinae. I was immediately thrown into the savior position. You guys all know how well I maintain sanity in that position.
So I did what I always do, I tried to save the unsaveable.

I got burnt out. And once again, Super T (with a little help from her side kick and main man KC) saved me. They drove down to the bridge, swept me up in a wave of emotion, and told me what a stupid ass I am being. I appreciate them for that. But this time it's different.

Here's the main difference. Even though it would be easiest to walk away, This time I won't. You see this time (even though I know everyone of you don't believe me) it's different. Maybe it's because I actually thought I loved Bryan. Maybe it is because I am sick of being alone, maybe it's because I am a gluten for punishment, or maybe it's because I have too big of a heart. Or maybe just maybe it's because I have found someone who is as good of a friend to me as I am to them.

I know you have all heard the stories. And if you haven't well then sorry that you don't understand. But I can be every bit as manipulative to him as he is to me. you see that's life. No one is perfect. Everyone has needs and sometimes when you need something the most is when your ugly side comes out. I am a moody bitch at least 70% of the time. And even though I agree yes, in the past few months I have fallen off of my desired course. I don't believe it's because of a boy (well a little bit yeah). I think it is because I met that boy and I realized I don't know who I am or what I want. And then I started trying to figure it all out. And I still haven't figured it out yet.

To tell you the truth, Bryan wasn't the cause of this break down. Since I have been in a state of break down since I got home from my summer of closure. This is life. I mean sometimes it is ugly. Sometime people do things you don't expect them to do, sometimes the heart changes in a blink of an eye. Some time some one you hated can be the only person you wish you could love.

This great rescue number two has taught me a couple of things already.
1. I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.
2. My goals have gone by the way side and I need to get them back on track.
3. Sometimes when you feel like they won't understand, you are right, but you still need to let them in.
4. Running away can only give you clarity, it solves nothing, because one day you have to go back.
5. I don't want to run away, I want to stick through it.
6. Feelings, no matter how many time you deny them being there, stay until you deal with them and let them go.
7. There are parts of me that I lost that I don't think will ever come back.
8. You always need you Mom no matter what age.
9. When everything is falling apart around you, someone elses world is falling apart to.

I don't think I am as stupid as I was with Cody. I can see the differences. And maybe I will keep living this until I have grown enough to not have to live it again. Maybe God gives you people who push you to your breaking point so that he can lengthen that point. Maybe, God knew that I could do it this time, and that's why when he gave me a difficult friend like Bryan he made him so amazing. So that when I am on the other side, stronger, better, happier, I am not alone this time. Because I will get on the other side. I always do.

Life is hard. Look at your own lives. They haven't been amazing 100% of the time. Because we are human and humans are ruled by their emotions. The good ones and the bad.

I'm still here. I'm still fighting.

Good Byes

2010-04-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

Well my Blogger Fan base
I guess this has been a long time coming but I got to break some news to you.
I retire.
Yup This blog has been good to me, but as I am sure you know it's not where my heart is anymore.
To a degree I think that is a good thing.
So this will be my last post. I don't plan on shutting this blog down. Mostly because I don't know how.
It has been a good run, I have loved almost every minute of it.
If you want to know about my day to day life well you can do a few things.
Call me.....if you don't have my number that will be a bit hard.
email me once again you need to have my email.
Or add me on FB Cathy Coppin!
So long Blog I have loved you a long time

2010-04-04T19:28:00.000-07:00

It was a bad idea to tell you I loved you:

It's been over two week since I have been alone. Hard to believe? Well for more than two weeks I have had Bryan with me 24/7. Literally. We ate, slept, went to school,cried,laughed,played final fantasy13 together always. Today I went to brunch with his sister and his mom and him. Easter brunch. It was nice. Then he dropped me off at home. I'm alone. Weird. All this time I thought being alone would actually be nice. I was wrong! nope good old brain stopped me from enjoying the time to myself. See a month ago I broke up with Bryan. I was pretty sure I had finally found someone who loves me. I was pretty sure I loved him. But we broke up. However events that have unfolded since that day have stopped me from dealing with this fact. We broke up. He is going on a date tonight. And it hurts to say the least. I have tried to move on, I have met a couple of guys. None of which interest me. No one is as attractive or as funny. And that sucks too. I want to love someone who shares those feelings. Lucky for me that is rarely the case. So here I sit, waiting to hear how this date goes. From my best friend, who I have not had a chance to get over yet.

Changes

2010-03-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

So it has become brutally obvious that I need a bit of change.
I'm writing again. That's a good sign. Writing has always been dear to me. It really is the only thing I love doing. For months there I would get on this trusty lap top of mine, and my mind would be blank. I would close the entry and go to Bryan's house.

First thing that needed to change, Bryan and I.
I'm not really sure why but I am always at Bryan's house. We don't do anything there, well he plays video games. And I sit there usually quietly and watch. I don't like video games. Don't get me wrong I know they hold a place in every man's heart. That's fine. I don't mind playing a game or two.......after an hour I get bored. So anyways Bryan's house, is more like my house.
I hate just sitting there.
How extremely boring!
But it has just become habit.
Get done school get on the bus go to Bryan's. Get done work get on the bus go to bryan's.
New plan.
Go home.
There is a lot better things to do here then there.
And I don't feel like a burden here.
And with my new roomies, there's always something to do.
So Change number one.
Go home. Unless there is a scheduled activity going on at Bryan's.

The window

2010-03-12T10:43:00.000-08:00

The window was like a picture frame.
The world passed by her.
First slowly, almost unnoticeable.
Then Quicker
Now it's a blur.
Inside the house it was like a black hole.
Nothing changed, it only got darker.
Inside the house was safe however.
There were warm arms to hold her, and idea's to sustain her.
She began to forget how the window made her feel.
After a while the blur outside didn't even matter.
One day she looked up.
And there it was, the world.
Suddenly she remembered why she loved to look out the window.
A pair of warm arms wrapped around her.
She looked into his eyes, and then out the window again.
She pulled away.
He protested.
Her heart broke.
She picked up her things and put them in a small bag.
And walk out of the door.
The window was like a picture frame.
He looked out it and watch her pass him by.
She never looked though the window again, she lived.

life

2010-03-11T22:37:00.000-08:00

So I am single.
WOOT!
Yeah, more like this.
Fight.
Argue.
Anger.
Frustration.
he finally stopped lieing to me and told me he wants to be with Bri.
You think I would be more mad but that honesty lead to this.
Understanding.
Forgiveness.
Friendship.
Support.
I must be some kind of wonderful for this, that or completely retarded.
I want to lean to some kinda wonderful.
I am fine.
He is not.
But being single is weird.
So I'm going on a blind date.......I think.
Well it's not so blind since I creeped him on Facebook. Technology it takes all the surprise out of dating.
He is a cowboy I think.....not usually my thing.
But it's just a date, I kinda just want to have fun.
Scratch that, not kinda, I just want to have fun.
Bryan broke me. I am 21 and I am ready to date.
Since I have stopped going to church I have realized something about dating. It is A LOT easier.
I can date anyone I want. And they only have to meet my standards. Not that it is easy to meet my standards. It actually might be harder than meeting the church standards. But back to my main point. I can date anyone.
Cowboy
Artist
Musician
Writer
ANY ONE!
And I don't have to marry them! I can just date them. Because I am only 21........what a weird way to think!
On another note I moved again!
SURPRISE!
I moved in with my GBFF Ben. and our Friend Kirsten.
It is so great.
I have a family, right here now.
I can be me, and have no jugdements.
This living situation fits me very well.
I might acutally say that I feel happy.
I feel happy.
Now I just need to figure out the rest of my life.........but I am sure that won't happen any time soon.

What do I say

2010-03-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

Well this has been the worst week I have had in a long time. Funny how the worst weeks can remind you how to live.....

I got into a car accident. I'm fine. I backed up into a truck door. Luckly it was driven by a 19 year old boy who was rather chill about his shitty truck having a huge dent in the door. And I quote "As long as I can lock this peice of shit, that's all that matters" He desided there was no need to go through insureance. So what would have cost me over $1200 dollars, only cost me $600. $600 is still a lot but it is A LOT less than $1200. So I paided the man. Thank the lord for student loans! But it was the foreshadowing to rhe rest of my week.

I then broke up with Bryan........yeah. We both desided it would be the best thing for both of us to just be friends. And not friends that make out and hold hands. Just friends. The whole relationship really had both of us thrown. It's funny how by just putting a label on something you can completely ruin it. But then again, eventually label or no label one of use would have screwed it up. Even though it was a mutual decition, it still hurt to lose him. Luckily we broke up on a Friday, so I had the weekend to get over it. I just had to miss a few days of work.

So I called in to work on Saturday morning. My Grandma went to the hospital, I didn't think breaking up with your boyfirend and not being able to handle life was a good enough excuss. Sunday rolled around and it turns out I was suppose to go in that day too. But I missed it. When I found out I missed a shift I was set into histerics. I threw some keys across a room I think, I mostly just remember crying. Apperently I wasn't as ok as I had thought.

But today is Monday, and I think I actually have a grip on things. I had a good honest talk with Bryan. It's weird but it took breaking up with him to be able to actually be honest with him. I got a good nights rest, my homework was all finished before the break up so I don't fail at that! And I feel good.

See I think at the beggining of this school year, I started finding out who I really was. Then I met Bryan, I desided that being with him would make it so I didn't have to find out. And that would be a lot easier. I would just be who ever he made me into. I see now that I need to figure out who I am, before I can include someone else in it.

Lesson Learned. Looks like all the crappy events turn out ok in the end. And so do I. But I was never really worried that I wouldn't make it through. And if I was, well I know I have all you.

back by popular demand

2010-02-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

wow......you guys love me! I think that was the most comments I have gotten on a blog post in a while. ok ok so I am back!

So remember Troy Reeb and his Global National internship? Handed mine in, go a 92% that doesn't secure me an interview but I have a pretty good shot!
I guess all that stressing paid off.
Really school is 90% stress 10% socializing. And it gets kind of taxing after a while! The second semester has got me full of questions. Is print really the best field for me? I mean grades wise they all even out. But there is very little Print Journalism classes in the first year, none this semester. So I don't know, do I want to stay in Print or change into either Broadcast or Ad PR. I guess I have a few more months to think on it. Until then I will continue to run around like a chicken with my head cut off. Filming and recording and writing and digging up stories.

School I feel like all I have to talk about right now is school, it is my entire life. I am even dating a little part of school. Didn't realize I loved it so much did you?

But since school is such a LARGE part of my life these days I thought I would share a bit of my work! stay tuned for a few of my videos, photos, and posters.

P.S. Thanks to all my readers (even the ones that are bound to me by blood) for sticking around through my dry spell. I am going to try harder! I swear.

sunday morning

2010-02-07T10:10:00.000-08:00

Hey there blog land!
Missed you guys...
First off, I'm alive! I always hated on people who got me hooked to their blogs and then didn't write much for a long time. I no longer feel that way. When life gets busy the blog takes the back burner.
But I'll put you on the front for the next 20 minutes to tell you whats been up in my life.

Item number one.
this is my new BF...........................it's kind of a bad pic. I still think he's cute! Formally known as B-Ry. But now will be called Bryan. Since that's his name. and I am sure no one will stalk him just because I put a picture up and called him by his real name. But you never know.....anyways hearts this boy (man).

Item number two.
I bet you guy want to know what happen? why did he change his mind? Well it is not a romantic story. Not really. Kind of. ok here I am going to make it romantic.
I finally got tired of his excuses, so I went to his house and said choose all of me or none of me.
Bryan: "ok I will think about it".
Me: "NO. It's been three months, it's now or never."
Bryan: "I just feel pressured."
Me: "Yeah, but you shouldn't and if you do that's your answer."
Bryan: " Fine that's my answer."
He walked away. I went to J's house and cried......Thank goodness for J and his huge shoulder to cry on.
He texted me, "can you come back over so we can talk more?"
"No, I have said all that needed to be said"
"I didn't get to talk though."
"fine. But can you call me I am at J"
blah blah blah....we talked, he said he didn't want to lose me. He asked me on a date, we went out for dinner. I told him before the date that after the date I needed an answer, yes or no. He pulled up to my house, and asked me.
Ok so it wasn't romantic even when I tried to make it. Really it was a rough day. but since then things have been great.

item three,
I am looking for yet another house. This time with Bri and Chlo. Unfortunately the have never lived on there own. So they don't really get how it is going to be. this makes me weary. Also Chlo has no job, and Bri works one day a week. That makes me even more weary. Bri is not to happy with my lack of enthusiasm about the move. I tried to tell her it's because I have moved close to 8 times this year. Or that I didn't really have the money. But it looks like it's time to have a real sit down about this with her. Chlo has no idea whats going on since she is not even in the province.....and hasn't been for a while. moral of the story, as much as I want to move in with them I am not going to jump into a situation where I get screwed.

there is many more items to discuss, but I have to run to my latest 3 hour shift at work! woot! I will try to do better blog land. stay tuned!

need a love song?

2010-01-14T08:08:00.001-08:00

Wow I am horrid at this

2010-01-11T14:29:00.000-08:00

So New Year! Doesn't that mean I should be a better blogger?? I guess not since its eleven days in and this is my first post. I bet you guys are feeling like you don't know me anymore.

Well new year means I am ready to be a bit new myself. For the past couple of months writing here has been a waste of time. Since I didn't feel like I could say what’s really going on in my life. I was afraid of the judgments. By the people who thought they knew me the best. And yes my current life changes (which aren't really that big! I am the same person. I just don't go to church anymore) may be frowned upon by members of my family, hell maybe even by readers. But I don't really care anymore. I don't really expect anyone to understand why I went from what I was to what I am now. However, I do expect them to see that for once I feel right. And happy. WHAT!? You could be happy without going to church?? Yes you can.

For once I don't hurt. I am not crying. I am smiling and having fun.........and well it's hard to go back after you finally feel good again. SO whether you think it is right or not, this blogger has taken a new direction. And so will this blog. If you don't want to hear about it then don't read.

So the boy. I am sure you are all dying to know about it. We were on and off and half way there and not ever going there. I think in the past I 1) painted him in bad shades of grey. And 2) didn't really tell anyone how I really felt about him.
I really like this one. Like a lot. He really likes me to. A lot a lot.
And yes he has down falls (Don't you?) but nothing I can't live with.......well it does drive me crazy that he is always itchy and begs for back scratches all the time!....but a small price to pay.
I asked him to dinner with my parents the other day. This turned into “coffee” and a car ride. Coffee with my Mother (who is for the most part good about keeping plans) and a car ride with both of them (because my step Dad....well I don't think he could make solid plan if his life depended on it). I really enjoyed it. It symbolized a whole new level of being adult. Never before has a boy met my parents.
No you all must be thinking "Oh, so you are in a relationship!"
Think again. That would be too easy.
Nope still single.......sort of single.
We aren't seeing other people. We spend all our time together.......but no commitment.
That bugged me for a while. But I got over it. The label isn't going to change how either of us feel. So I guess I can wait it out. PLUS when you are not official, openly enjoying other men is still legal!
I do realize that works both ways..........

School..........wow has that lost its novelty. I mean it's hard! All this work! All these 8 am classes! But I will push through. I think I just need to get off the holiday hump. That will probably happen right around the time reading week is. So I will then have a whole week to recoup from the past month and a half of 8 am classes! There is nothing worse than 8 am classes NOTHING! Not even death. Actually at 6:30 when my alarm clock goes off death seems pleasant. lol.
My old group of friends has been rather torn apart. The thing with my program this year is it's really big! So it's kind of divided into two groups. We all had lecture classes together, but that’s about it. This semester I was put into the other group. So I am lacking in the close buds department. I mean JessMcMurry is in most of my classes. But pre Christmas break drama has made our friendship next to nothing.
Beau Foe is in a few.....love him. But he is a slacker and misses most classes.
Bri has dropped a handful of classes and is preparing to drop the program.
And as for Z well he is lost in other program group land.....the land I should be in but am not.
Oh right and then there's BRy who has 4 classes 3 with me......3 out of 10 isn't a lot.
So looks like school will be more about work than friends this semester. Oh well. I still love it even if it's hard.

My new house is kind of like a graveyard. It is dead most days, and the occasional person will wonder through it. I am rarely home, LeahN is rarely home, new girl might be home but if so she is in her room, and Eron rarely home. I often wish I could kick everyone out and fill it with people that would come home. Or that is was entirely mine. I could have whoever I wanted over when ever. A girl can only dream. In fact the saddest part is that we are still not unpacked fully. There is still no dishes in the cup boards....boxes still litter the place. Nothing is in place, if feels like everyone is just waiting for the next place to go. I haven't looked yet but I don't know how much longer I will be there. For now it is fine. A place to sleep, and make my chicken nuggets! lol.

Well my beloved blog readers, I finally did it. I made it through a whole post! It's feels nice to get some of this off my back! I hope I can post more soon. I think this will be good the new honesty in my blog!

A new year is around the corner

2009-12-30T23:21:00.000-08:00

Ok all as you may or may not know, every year I do a New Years questionnaire. The past two years it has been the same one, but this year while filling the same old one out, I decided NO I need a new one! So I did a little net search and came up with this one. It is a little less deep and more fun! Which is what I am trying to be. Can you remember 2000? Y2K? I remember, on new years eve 1999 my Mom left us with our baby sitter. We stayed up and waited for the count down. She turned the radio on and we counted down to 2000. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1! Happy New Year! Celebrate came on and we danced around the kitchen together. I can't believe it's been ten years.
So good by 2009, you have been a horrible and amazing year.

1. Will you be looking for a new job? Not that I know of, I for once am more than happy doing what I am doing (most days). Plus the 50% discount on clothes sure doesn't hurt! But if something better come around, so be it.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship? Well yes. Since the relationship/not relationship that I have been in hasn't really been doing it for me. commitment, confusion blah blah blah. So if you are interested please apply in the comment box. it would help if you had a flare for writing and appreciated good music. Also a sense of adventure is needed......oh and you need to be good with crazy people. because my whole family is made up of them!

3. New house? Yes and No. I am planning a move with Bri this summer to BC. So yes maybe. But deep down inside I hope not. this year I have moved 7 times. I am ready to not move again for a long LONG time.

4. What will you do different in 2010? I am going to be stronger. Not like "Dude I can bench press a 160" (I dont think that is attractive when you are a girl) I want to be able to stand up for who I am. Be stronger. This is me......and I am not changing.

5. New Years resolution? Normaly I do not set these, as it sets you up for failure. Sadness follows, and the next thing you know you are 40 pounds heavier and had to spend twice as much on Christmas presents just so you could up hold the "kinder person" resolution.

6. What will you not be doing in 2010? I will not be sky diving.....just saying. I also will not be taking the train anywhere farther than 6 hours away. I will not be attending another Twilight movie, ever not just this year.

7. Any trips planned? Nothing to amazing. I plan to win the Troy Reeb internship, so that will be two weeks in Toronto. Also I will going home again at least once if not twice. Maybe if I win the lottery I can make it over seas. Doubtful but I remain hopeful!

8. Wedding plans? Not that I know of for me. But who knows I mean if I get a few applications a year to make wedding plans could be enough! lol. I do however have friends who have weddings that I will be part of. Of course there is Lauraj.....who's wedding I am no longer part of, but in spirit I am. Stephy plans a wedding for August, after my baby comes! Then there's LeahN who will be wed in February. The rate these have been popping up,I am sure there will be a few more this year!

9. What's on your calendar?
Finishing my first year of Print Journalism. See the little bro graduate high school. get my self a car! get my self an iphone. Um I will pencil in Mr. Right for any time this year......... : ). Lets see there is the home coming of Elder Hatch. The Birth of the Fox/Walker baby. Wedding another wedding. Trip to see my Grandma, maybe. Oh see "Alice in Wonderland". Be legal everywhere in the world. um I think that's good for now.

10. What can't you wait for? I am not sure to tell you the truth. There's a lot to look forward to. But I am sure what I know about won't even touch the things I don't know about. The best things that happened this year were unexpected and could never have been so good if they were planned.

11. What would you like to see happen different? My relationship patterns. I would like for things to end up better than they have. I would also like to meet a few guys who even fit into the category of "good enough for me". Since that has been a common phrase said to me this past year.

12. What about yourself will you be changing? I want to be more honest this year. Slowly I have been able to be more honest through this blog. It started with the tattoo post. Letting you know that I have made out with a boy. Letting you know I have not been into church for a while now. And slowly I want to be the kind of person who doesn't hide behind other things. Who is honest and stands up for who she is and the decisions I make.

13. What happened in '09 that you didn't think would ever happen? I could think of a few things ....* cough T cough cough*. I'm pretty sure I will never experience another auqu-size class with my beloved JMaCrae. I would like to say that I don't think I will ever be as heart broken as I was this past year, but we all know thats not how it is! I will never deal with it the same again though.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about? I am not entirely sure how I can be any nicer to the people I care about. I mean one girl can only give so much! But the people I care about know that I would do anything for them. I am that nice!

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 2009? Not by choice. If I had my way I would still be wearing a pair of old jeans and my nightmare before Christmas hoodie from grade 11. But yes every year I grow up a bit more, and dress a little bit better I would have to say!

16. Will you start or quit drinking? No. I gave up drinking along time ago. I will however go to bars, but just because you are in a bar does not mean you drink. In fact did you know when you are the DD for all you drunk friends you get free WATER! I know your jealous right?

17. Will you better your relationship with your family? I am constantly bettering my relationships with Family members. This past year Family became very important to me. Both sides of my family.

18. Will you do charity work? Um free baby sitting? Just kidding it is not free........especially if there is diapers!

19. Will you go to bars? YES!!! yes yes I will. sorry if that doesn't impress you. Good thing I am a smart girl.

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know? Probably not......I wont lie.

21. Do you expect 2010 to be a good year for you? Yes I do. I'm not realy sure why. But there are endless possibilities for this year!

22. How much did you change from this time last year till now? In some ways not at all, in some ways I have made a 360. But every change is for the better (even if other people don't think so).

23. Do you plan on having a child? This next year??? NO! can I plan to have a steady, mature, amazing boy friend first. Can we plan to graduate college and get writing first? oh right this is my life of course I can!

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now? Most of them. I'm not sure about that KC guy he is a bit of a loony (lol Luv ya!). I plan to have more friends than just the ones I have right now though!

25. Major lifestyle changes? Yes. Keep reading to find them out.

26. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 2010 that happened in 09? Foot infections! those are bad....don't let those happen.

27. What are your New Years Eve plans? This year I am going to a friends bar. He is having the grand opening. I will spend it with my good friends. And will not be the only sober one, as i am bringing Stephy with me!

28. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight? See like 5 days ago I would have said YES! and been so content in finally actually having someone to kiss at midnight..........but since I am such a go getter I could wait until AFTER New Years to straighten up my love life.

29. Wish for 2010?
If I told you they might not come true. this isn't for emphasis my blog is stuck in BOLD text! lol but here's a hint........a few have to do with love. Of course!

Merry belated Christmas

2009-12-30T20:21:00.000-08:00

Ok so Christmas was good. And since I don't really want to write a billion things about I will post so pics I took! Enjoy!

This is where I caught the train. Cut Bank Montana. I know from this picture you can't really tell but this is by far the sketchiest place I have EVER been. Lucky me got to wait 8 hours for the train in a building that looked like a serial killer was at work in it!

Inside......I made it look cool. I got skills!

The most important ornament on our tree. My first Christmas bear. Every year I place it at the very top of the tree. If it were any higher it would replace the angel. Yeah, I'm a bit of a diva. Get over it!

Little Bro doing his Grinch eyebrows.......he is the coolest thing since Cool Whip (emphasis on the WHip)

Christmas Dog. Lucky Oreo was the model for this trip home.....I got a bit Dog picture happy (Deb would be proud!)

Even in Washington State you gotta represent!

Most peoples Parents are the ones nagging you to get off of the phone! We are trying to have family time. Instead our parents spent the first half and hour of Christmas morning on the phone! while we complained about not getting to spend "Family time" together.

The all mighty little bro!

This is the face the little bro gave me after losing at family Christmas Eve Uno.

Step Sis and her puppy.

This was Edward Cullen's appearance at our Christmas..... I guess no holiday is complete with out a horny vampire. And no Little Bro was not the recipient of that tank top!

Guess what I got for Christmas!!! I read it faster than I ate my Mothers home made apple pie....ok that's a lie! But it was excellent! Peter's novella that is!

The Family. I liked this on the best.....Tim thought it was oh so clever to say something like sex on this shot. as you can see he thinks he is rather clever! i also tried to convince them it was important to look good for this. But as you can tell from my lack of make up and Step sis's PJ's it didn't work. oh well I present to you the Campbell/Coppin Family.

This is my cat. Slim. Slim Shady......yeah I got her when I was 15 and had a large crush on Eminem! please note, she is actually THAT fat. If not fatter. I like to say she eats her feelings. Obesity also plagues cats.

These last shots are form around town. It seems the states have a plethora of amazing old/vintagey buildings and architecture. which make for amazing pictures.

Magnetic pull

2009-12-30T19:51:00.000-08:00

They sat on opposite sides of the couch, the TV flashed images across it.
Neither of them were paying much attention to it.
But from the way they desperately gazed at it you would have thought they were glued to it.
She glance down conspicuously at him.
It had never been so hard to sit next to him.
It was like there was a force pulling them together.
They both fought to stay on opposite ends of the couch.
Careful never to touch, afraid of what might happen if they did.
He glanced over conspicuously at her.
She had always been beautiful.
But never had she been this beautiful.
Keeping his eyes off of her was like torture.
"This is really hard" he was the first to speak what they were both thinking.
"It is"
"It has never been so hard to not touch you ever" he sighed.
"your the one who made this stupid rule"
"I am?" he thought back, nothing came to mind, why would he make such a stupid rule.
"Yes, you said you didn't want to hurt me. You made up these stupid rules"
"I don't want to hurt you" He looked into her eyes.
"You aren't. I liked how things were. I think this might hurt more"
He put his arm around her.
"Better?"
She smiled that irresistible smile.
He realized he may have been the biggest idiot on the earth to try and keep her away.
He pulled her close, wrapping both arms around her tightly.
She sighed that drive you wild sigh.
He lost it.
They sat intertwined on the couch, the TV flashed images across it.
Neither of them payed much attention to it.
From the way they looked at each other you would have thought they were in love.

Take off to the great white north!

2009-12-27T23:58:00.000-08:00

Well my holiday in the south is done.
It was nice to be home with my family, but the cabin fever has begun to get to me. So I am overly glad to be going home and keeping busy.

Not being busy on the boy front, has been easier said then done.
Being friends makes things SO much harder. It's that good person thing again.
The boy isn't making it easy to "move on". But I have been doing pretty good so far. I plan to continue my smart girl choice. No I dont need ANYONE to give him a phone call...........

I got Peter DeWolf''s novella for Christmas. Finished it like I was seeing Jude law for the first time. So good! not enough though, I need like, I don't know, a life's supply of DeWolf novels, just saying.
I definitely suggest you get it, and read. Then read it to your friends. Or you know buy it for them.

Lauraj's wedding is in just a week. I am not going anymore (she bumped the date up, and well it seems to fall right smack dab in the first week of school) (which happens to be the Troy Reeb application week). It is so insane that she is getting married. MARRIED! Yesturday I got a message from Lauraj's little sister. She wants a video for Lauraj's bachelor-ette party. First I was set into a rage that my best friend would move her wedding to a week that would be impossible for me to make it. Second I was bitter that she had changed so quickly from laurarj the girl with 5 homeless kids living on her floor. To lauraj wife of a Olympic placer, University grad, world record holder. Ok I will stop. I am happy she is happy. Even if she only dated him for three weeks before the engagement.

Chistmas......a time to grow up

2009-12-25T02:15:00.000-08:00

So as some of you know, I have been playing girlfriend with the boy. Tonight I made a break through. Not an easy break through but a break through.
I was chatting with the boy.
The conversation got to us. Which it usually does. Since I have much stronger feelings for him, than he does for me, it usually gets there.
He is not ready for me to be his girlfriend.
In Cathy talk that means
"Your not enough"
He assures me I am. I don't know how I could be. If what he said was true, if I was indeed the best he could ever wish for, then why not let me say I'm your GF?
This fact has been rolling around in my head for weeks. But I enjoyed playing girlfriend.
Tonight some thing hit me. Why would you want to be with someone who isn't sure about you?
I AM FREAKING AMAZING!
no really
I am patient and understanding.
Fun, cute, humorous, talented, driven, passionate, loyal, trustworthy.
I am forgiving, and most of all AWESOME!
And here I am missing a boy who cant even tell me why he "likes" me.
There is someone out there who does think I am enough. In fact he thinks I'm more than he could ask for. So why in the world am I wasting my time with a guy who doesn't.
I'm not.
I am Done.
I know it will be hard. I am still attracted to this boy. I know it will take a while, but I am done.
I've never been in this place before.
Having someone like me, but not want me to them selves.
I mean I have had guys not like me.
And I have had guys head over heals for me.
but never a fence sitter.
To be honest I would take the rejection any day.
You have no idea how hard it is to get over a guy who says "I like you" but then says "but I am not ready for a relationship". it's like throwing a starving girl chocolate and biting into it only to realize it is dirt.
That was a horrible analogy. But at two in the morning it made for a good mental picture.
So Merry Christmas Bloggers.
And Merry Christmas to that guy, who I know is out there, who would be more than happy to hold me in his arms for the rest of his life.
A new year comes and I grow up a bit more.

"You need to take them to Applebee's and get them some hot wings"

2009-12-23T13:37:00.000-08:00

So I am at home.
A few good things come from going home from the holiday's. First I get to see my Family, they drive me crazy but I love them. Second all the home cooked food. I mean who doesn't love their Mom's cooking??? ok I know there is a few.......and really some people are just not blessed with Mom's who can create magic in a dish. Thirdly there is the endless supply of rental video's that are bought to entertain me while I am here. I get bored quickly. There is only some much to do when you dont know anyone but your Mom in a place.
(500) Days of summer and Paper Heart.
Restored my optimism for love again.
It also made me think up a dozen situations that could happen when going home, and seeing the boy. None of which will happen. Wouldn't it be nice if things just worked out the way they do in the movies.
Boy meets girl.
they get close
He isn't ready for relationship.
She leaves and he realizes he cant live with out her.
She comes home, he professes his love for her.
What a lovely story.......I know, I know that's not how it works. So I don't have my hopes up. It will go like this.
Boy meets girl
They get close.
He isn't ready for relationship.
She leaves.
He plays Rockband
She comes home.
They stay friends.
Reality........why is it never as romantic as the movies!?
Merry Christmas bloggers!

in a smokey bar

2009-12-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

She had seen him before in this smokey bar. He sat in the corner drinking whiskey, a story in his eyes.
She watched him for a few minutes, her friends laughed and drank around her.
She needed a reason to go over there, to find out what he was drowning in hard liquor.
She stood up ready to aproch him.
He stood up, walked on to the stage and pick up the guitar leaning on the side of the stage.
He settled on a stowl and started playing.
No one was really listening as he began to sing.
No one but her.
She listened to him, watching his fingers slide up and down the neck of the guitar.
She looked at his brown eyes, so full.
He finished and walked back to the corner where a freash glass of whiskey awaited him.
She stood up ready to approch him.
She walked over.
He looked up at her.
"Can I buy you a drink?"
"I don't know the last time someone bought me a drink, it didn't end well."
"Why not?"
"Why don't I buy you a drink, we can talk about it."
"I'm tired of talking about it."
She had seen him before in this smokey bar.
"Last time you ordered beer. Why the sudden need for something stronger?"
"Broken heart."
"I'm sorry."
"I know you are."
"I just wanted to make sure you were ok."
"I will be, when I finish this drink."
She stood up ready to forget him.
She walked away.
She never saw him in that smokey bar again.
But he always held her heart.

2009-12-03T00:25:00.001-08:00

It's been a while

2009-12-02T19:39:00.000-08:00

So Bloggers it's been a while.
Hi how ya doing?
Enjoying this Christmas season so far? I happen to not enjoy it. Mostly it's the cold. I have no clue why I live in Canada. I hate cold weather. And really there is no where you can go in Canada to escape the winter season. They are all cold east to west north to south.
There are a lot of reason I haven't written in a while. Mostly it's because I am drowning in final projects. The nice thing about my program is that there is no final exams. On the other hand there are ten final projects, that take seven times as much time to do then studying for an exam.
But I thought I would take a minute or two out of my crazy life to talk about my crazy life.

Item one. I got a tattoo. That's right. And it hurt. But after all the swearing and death threats to the guy who was permanently drawing on my arm, I decided it didn't hurt that bad. Dont get me wrong it hurt. But not as bad as I thought it would. There is about three people rightnow reading this on their screens going whatever you liar!
So I have one. It is Bob Dylan lyrics around a cherry blossom. If you want to know more about it, you can comment and I will tell details (meaning, location, whatever) but for the most part that's it. Also if you have befriended me on facebook you can see it there. And some lovely pictures taken while it was being done!

Item two. B-Ry. Welcome to my Blog B-Ry. He is the boy(man as he likes to be called) I have been talking about in previous posts. The one that I can't decide on. B-Ry is the most confusing part of my life at the time. He is also a lot of fun (and cute). and since I dropped the tattoo bomb up there, I'll tell you he also is my first really legit kiss! I say this because arguably he is not, but there is no solid proof on that, so I go with first kiss. B-Ry and I are in relationship limbo at the time being. But against my will he happened to meet a few family members of mine. Laugh it up you, I had to emotionally pay for that one! He felt it would be a good idea for me to meet his family. I said no. I don't meet family, when I am not sure where I stand with the son. But lucky for me I was tricked into it. Then when I left I had a bit of a panic attack. I survived, thanks to encouraging words from J.....words like "do I need to take care of him?" Despite the confusion we have a lot of fun together. I am having fun, that's all that counts.

Item three. Dear Peter DeWolf. Today I was reading your blog (of course since I am your biggest fan on the west coast of Canada). WHAT? stop blogging??? NO!!!! I forbid it. even if all you do is write about what happened on TSN this weekend, don't stop blogging! I doubt you will ever read this....I shouldn't say that as last time I confessed my love to you thinking the same thing and well......you saw that. Anyways moral of the story I never want to click on your blog as see the words "I'm done" ever again. Deal? Deal.

ok that's all I have time for, for now. I have a marketing design to finish and a final presentation to brush up for.
PS new house is great! guess what happened? I went to bed and slept the whole night! and not one child screamed can above me the whole time! can you say heaven??

I'm back!

2009-11-23T18:51:00.000-08:00

and $150 poorer, but at least I have my lap top back! As it has been a week since I have seriously sat down and posted. Thanks all for the comments on the last post! I liked it. I want to write you a big long post but I can barely keep my eyes open. So here are some photos taken today with Bri and BeauG. Hopefully I can catch you up soon.................after I catch up on sleep!

that girl you want to trust

2009-11-19T15:11:00.000-08:00

That's me, yup. That girl, you know the one. The one who looks like a lot of fun, and then is.
The one who earns your trust, and then keeps it.
I'm that girl who values people.
That girl who you are just so comfortable with.
The one who knows all your secrets, and you know they will be safe.
I'm that girl you laugh with.
The one who lets you be a pervert, an asshole, a sweaty.
That girl who will go see action movies just because of the look you get on your face, even though I am dyeing to see someone kiss.
I'm the girl who listens to your stories, and the laughs like you are so clever.
The girl who actually thinks you are clever.
I am also the girl who needs a hug when things get hard.
The girls who needs a listening ear.
That girl that loves when you make her laugh.
I'm the one who goes out with the girls, and hopes you go out with the guys.
The one who sings when she is happy, and sighs when she is bored.
I am that girl that you always trust.
But remember I need that kind of a man.

my interent is down

2009-11-17T21:20:00.000-08:00

Mostly my Lap Top sucks.......I swear I will get a Mac one of these days and be done with this PC bull!
But for now I will let you all know I am alive.
Barely.
Between work, school and homework I am surprised that I am still wake!
Oh sleep how I miss you so.....your wonderful and amazing and one of these days I will enjoy you to your fullest.
Interent should be up next week! look for a new post then.
Until then feel free to comment on old post!
I like comments.
And if you are a reader, but have not clicked follow or commented please do so!
Take a look at old posts, and please stop on by such blogs as Peter DeWolf, 4MonkeyMom, and Clever girl goes blog!
Talk to you in a bit!

Book Store Couple

2009-11-12T16:47:00.000-08:00

"Why are we standing in this book store still?"
"Did you really just ask me that?"
"Yes! It's been a long day and all I want is to go home, turn on the TV and have you give me a foot message."
"Really? That’s it? You don't want to stand here and read my book with your chin on my shoulder?"
"I don't do that!"
"Yes you do. But its ok, I like it."
"You do?"
"I like most of the annoying things you do."
"What! If it is annoying then why would you let me to do it?"
"The same reason you let me wear sweet pants on Saturdays."
"I let you wear them because you would cry for the rest of the day if you couldn't."
"No you don't."
"I think I would know."
"Pick that book up...."
"I don't want to read, I want to go home."
"Please"
..........
"Ok here!"

He opens it up and starts to read it. She looks around annoyed eventually she gives in and rests her chin on his shoulder and starts to read.

"That's why I let you where sweet pants?"
"That's also why you put up with me! Ok we can go."
"No. Let's stay."
"What? You just spent half an hour nagging me!?"
"I know, but I forgot how much you loved me."
"I do don't I?"
"Well that’s what I read over your shoulder."
"Good. I was worried you read the part about killing your fish."

what if I am sick of being in the friend zone?

2009-11-10T00:17:00.000-08:00

True story. I'm too nice.
I decided I liked a guy. I decided to take charge and add him on FB (stop laughing it's how the kids today do it!)
He started to talk to me. It went well.
He sat with me in class, he looked over at me while I was paying attention, and watched me write.
I tried to be flirty. I tried to mystrious.
Then he needed me to be nice to him. So I was.
And I totally screwed up all chances with him. WHY AM I SO NICE!!!!!!
FREAK!
I placed my self ever so perfectly in the friend zone!
grrrrrr
I am destined to be alone forever at this rate!

DeWolf rant

2009-11-09T11:00:00.000-08:00

ok have I mentioned how much I love Peter DeWolf?
This is short, but I am very serious.
Go to his blog, read his letters to his future wife! and fall in love with him!!! NOW!!!
Becasue he is just so.............great!

Have a good day.

Another week

2009-11-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

I meant to post several times this week. However, every time I picked up my laptop I forgot what I had to tell you all about!
So I will start from the begining and let my lovely week un fold.

Lauraj is getting married. I know right. Your jaw just hit the floor didn’t it? Well since her exodus from Wilbur she has cleaned up her life, met herself a nice man, and will be getting married in February. Here is a pic of them....and the ring.

Yup so I am the maid of honour. This is my second time having that title. I think it will be a bit better to be Lauraj's maid of honour then it was to be Liz’s. First off I am actually Lauraj's BFF. Second of all she lives SO far away; she can't really put anything on me. Mostly this whole engagement thing has brought us closer together again. Man it takes some drastic situations for me and my friends to stay close. First Stephy had to get preggers, now Lauraj had to get engaged! lol.

I am taking my first trip to Toronto! I am overly excited........I maybe more excited to go to TO, then about Lauraj's wedding. As I have strictly always lived on the west of Canada, I have never seen what the east has to offer. I've heard it's great. Hopefully it does not disappoint! The second best thing about going East is that NicTO is East! I miss her SO much; I can't wait to have coffee with her. To talk about actual topics! To have an intelligent conversation......at last! How I have longed to have one of our conversations!

I have been putting off school work. I planned to do it all on Remembrance day, since I had that day off school. Then I looked at my work schedule. WORKING. I always hate when I get to work and they book me on a holiday. Especially when that holiday falls in the days I am not available to work category. But they feel that I am able to work, since I have no school. Technically they are right! Physically I will not be attending school that day. But Mentally I was going to be up to my eye balls in homework! So today is the new allotted catch up day. Its noon and I am still on my blog........so it’s going really well! lol.

Friday night my new friend Beau wanted to hang out. Since my life is often lame and uneventful, I said yes. It was a fun night. But I learned a few things.

A few days ago I took some pictures downtown with Bri, JessMcMurry, and Beau.

I posted them on FB. However I did not think any one would be harmed by them. They were. Beau's GF didn't like them. As a very drunk Beau informed me, She wasn't happy he was hanging out with girls because she thought he wanted to sleep with us. He however does not. After his big long speel about how mad she was, and how much she did not like me or Bri, he told us the best news of all. She is coming to the college all next week! And we get to meet her! Doesn't that sound delightful!?

I saw paranormal activities last night.......if you planned on seeing it here's a heads up, I’m going to spoil it for you.

It was lame. I was so excited to see the scariest movie of the year; I wanted to be so scared that I would not be able to sleep for a week! It did not live up to the hype.

First of it is shot "Blair witch" style, but it just looked so staged. My favourite part had to have been when he put a wigi board on the table and then just "forgot" to turn off the camera when him and his girlfriend left. Suddenly the wind starts to blow the plants around, even thought the windows and doors are close. And then it happened, the wigi board started moving by its self......... And then it started on fire! OMG no way!!!!

Then best part by far is when the demon grabs her foot and pulls her out of bed, it takes her a good 5minutes to start screaming after she smacks her head on the floor and get dragged out of her room by......nothing! Oh wait I mean the demon!

The ending was predictable, the first time she got out of bed and just stared at her BF for like 4 hours, I knew she would end up possessed. So when she did it again, and the walked out of the room I knew what was going to happen.

And as soon as I heard her scream and saw her boyfriend rush out of the room, with out the camera I knew his time was up. Turns out she was possessed by the demon and she killed him. The very end is the camera looking at nothing. And the suddenly something flies at the camera(his body) and she is standing there in front of it covered in blood. then she moves her neck weirdly and continues to snack on her boyfriend.

I laugh more then anything…………….disappointing.

Fan of Fridays

2009-11-06T14:33:00.001-08:00

I love scary movies! I not really sure why, since I always end up scared out of my mind and awake all night. But in the quest to find a movie that is actually scary I am going to this movie........

Hopefully I will be a fan of it!

Post mortem evaluation

2009-11-02T16:41:00.000-08:00

Real dedication is bloggin beyond the grave! In all seriousness I did have a horrid flu. And since I am kind of a baby when I am sick, or maybe because I was suffering from a fever I decided I was dying.
I'm healthy again.....call it reincarnation...................To my same life and body!
Now that I am healthy I can tell you all about my weekend, after I got over the flu.

I went to work. During a conversation with a co worker I mentioned I needed to take a picture of a person telling a story with the shot for a class. She happens to know someone who eats fire. Wow, not every day you meet some one who just knows a fire eater, but ok. So she said she would find out when he was doing it next and I could go take photos. I thought that would be great! A few hours later she sent me a message on FB. She said he offered to do a private show for me..........uhhhhhhhh........Now call me a sceptic but I'm not into free shows of any kind from strangers. Just saying. So I gratefully declined, and am still searching for the perfect story to capture.

I went to a Halloween party Saturday night. Bri was hosting it. Since she is only 17 clubbing is not something she does. So while the rest of our friends dressed up and headed to the dance floor, we headed to her house. For a good wholesome night of pumpkin carving, games, and scary movies. I make it sound lame, but I did actually have fun.
However Bri invited this girl she works with (well actually the girl invited herself). She was one of those socially awkward girls. The kind that stares just a little too long, and says strange things.
When it came time for the movie, I had high hopes. I love horror movies......blood guts and gore. I enjoy jumping half way out of my seat when the killer jumps out. This movie was kind of a disappointment. Trick or Treat had some interesting stories in it. However there were so many stories all in one movie it got confusing. And it was interesting but not scary......a downer on Halloween. However there was a part about a girl who I at first thought was a virgin. Then thought was a vampire, and turned out to be a werewolf that ripped her skin off very graphically and was replaced with sick wolf fur.

Sunday Bri and I went to the lake to see if we could get a great photo. Turns out people in Western Canada don't just chill out next to a lake in the early November months. Something about minus 20 winds. But I did get a few good ones, so I will share them with you! Enjoy!

P.S. this is your first look at Bri!

Fan of Fridays Halloween Edition

2009-10-30T19:46:00.000-07:00

Ok so this fan of friday stars me! I am a fan of all the cool things I did to these pictures using Picnik! Enjoy and Happy Halloween!

Vampire Cathy..........

Zombie Besties.........

Werewolf Eyes.

Who needs to dress up on halloween when you have photo shop like this!

cry baby blues

2009-10-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

Today I mostly want to get a few frustrations out.

1. Dear Reitmans,
I told you I can only work Thursday, Friday, and Saturday for a reason. I have school until stupid hours ALL other days! So stop F-ing calling me every week (on the same day) and asking if I can work. Turns out I am busy......until the end of the year!
Sincerely,
Some one who can think logically!

2. I once told you about my instructor Pete. Well even though Pete is a character he is a good teacher (the first time, he has an over tendency to repeat what he says, multiple times). However Z does not think so. He thinks Pete has a vendetta against him. That is why he keeps getting bad marks. Even though I must agree yes Pete does speak to Z like he is stupid, he doesn't hate on him.
Dear Z,
Stop being such a huge cry baby! You are a 19 year old man, take matters into your own hands! Pete isn't giving you bad marks because he hates you (because if he was he would be out of a job). Just saying no one ever fixed things by being mad. Scheming however brings a different result.
Yours truly,
A very clever girl....

3. This whole H1N1 thing is a little out of control. I pay a lot of money to go to school, even if I have been in a tragic accident I can't afford to miss classes. So why do you think I am going to stay home, just because I have a cough. Well apparently the college thought of that, all students who cough in class will be sent to the health clinic for a mask...............really?
So today I walked past the health center and coughed, really really loud! Way to stick it to the man, right? lol thats just how I role. I may be into many out landish fashion trends, but H1N1 mask will never be in that list. However I did see a little Asian girl with one that matched her scarf! I still don't think that trend will catch on.

4. Maybe my landlords don't hate me. I was walking home from Wal-Mart last night, and got a wave. Also all the children have been permitted to talk to me. Weird, I wish they would make up their minds! Hate me or don't. I mean it makes me feel like a huge idiot after venting on my Mother about how mean they were being, and then turns out they aren't being mean? MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!!

5. In case you didn't guess from #3 I am sick. I don't understand the whole getting sick thing. I was perfectly fine, and then all of a sudden sore throat! What happened!? Did my immune system decide to take a holiday?? If so, can I get a new one, one that is willing to work over time in the winter and holidays? Is it not bad enough that I have to deal with wet snow and cold? Why must you throw in a head that feels ready to burst and angry cats sliding down my throat!

Tim Hortons is a place for love

2009-10-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

ok it's not......I mean the more glamorous loves take place in places like starbucks, or little coffee shops downtown.
So Tim Horton’s is a place to discuss love.
I spent the afternoon with Bri yesterday. We of course made our way to Tim Horton’s after shooting some very horrible sequences for visual class. We ordered a drink and sat.
First topic of the chat........candidates for my love.
If you know me you know I don't date a lot. If you really know me you know that it’s not so much I don't date, it's more I am overly picky and clueless.
But regardless of the fact that I am content with my single status Bri insisted there must be some one I liked.
So I caved, and tried to think of someone cute.
3 boys came to mind....all in my program at school.
So I told her.
Hours past, and we sat talking about our loves, our parent’s loves, and our friends loves.
After I got home, I watched a riveting hour of AFV and went to bed.
I got to class and started my work. Bri leaned over.
"Where's your boyfriend Cathy?"
Really?
I laughed and went back to editing.
"Oh there's your other boyfriend Cathy!"
Actually?
So I have three boyfriends.
How talented am I. Saturday I was single......today I am a polygamist.

Sunday Afternoon Playlist.

2009-10-25T12:23:00.000-07:00

Hears a little of what I am listen to these days!

Fan of Fridays

2009-10-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

This is Nadine.....she is a Canadian. She is funny and most importantly she is running for MuchMusics VJ search. She is in the Top 16....and is my favorite! She also has a youtube channel. So go subscribe (Hey Nadine) and watch some of her videos they are great! this is my fav!

they didn't know what love was

2009-10-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

this is my first attempt at fiction. DeWolf insiperd? I think so. But I said I would post some fiction.....so I did! enjoy.

It had been years since she had talked to him.
Mostly she was happy. But ever so often, his face would flash through her dreams. She would remember all the times.
The times when he was so mad, he would sit there and tell her how he really felt. The times when she would sleep out side waiting for him to come home, because she was worried he might not. The times that she was wasted and he took care of her. Never letting anyone treat her bad.
She woke up when his face flashed through her dreams again.
Laying there she tried to figure out why he was on her mind again.
Falling back to sleep he was the last thing that crossed her mind.
The sun woke her up, it was seven.
Breakfast
Shower.
Out the door.
As she walked on to the train platform, his face flashed through her mind again.
Distracted she picked a seat next to the window, looked up.
There he was.
Could this be it?
Could this be the chance for her to have the love affair she had always wanted with him?
The train pulled away, and suddenly she realized she may never see you again.
What now?
Did she want him? Did he want her?
The train gets to her stop, she still is undecided. She walks past him, hoping he will make the move, and steps out of the train.

He had lived a lot of life since the last time he saw her. He had thought he was in love once, but she cheated. When he found out, he thought of her. Would she have done that to him? Why didn't he ever give her the chance?
He brushed his teeth, and thought of her. The times they had had together. When she fell asleep out side, when he took off in anger. The time she sat with him while he packed his stuff, trying not to cry trying to be strong, even though he knew she wanted to. How he had wanted so badly to hold her forever the day he left.
He looked up and saw her face in the mirror.
Shower
Breakfast
Out the door.
As he walked on to the platform he thought he could smell her. He sat down in front of the door, and turned on his Ipod. Again her smell. The train was almost at his stop, he looked up just as the doors closed.
He saw her.
Without thinking he went for the door. This was the chance he had waited for.
It was to late the trained pulled away; he slammed his fist against the window.

She heard a bang, and looked back. He was there looking into her eyes, speeding away. She ran towards the train. It was too late he was gone.
She got ready for bed. Weeks had passed since she saw him on the train, everyday she looked for him. Her phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Do you have any idea how hard you are to find?"

What did she say?

2009-10-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

Well just to clarify I am famous!
Just kidding I'm not but I feel like it.
Why you ask?
Because a web site found my blog, and asked me to do an interview for them about writing.
They think I am a legit writer! No jokes its great......and I totally played it up.
Actually I am a legit writer, did you know I write fiction?
Well since I have never post a fiction story that would be a big fat NO.
So I am going to post one!
It may take a while I need to sit down and write (finish writing) one. But from now on I will be posting fiction.
I know you are all dancing with joy to read my writing.....lol......
I still will post like this.....because really I am not that brilliant! I don’t think I have time to write a story daily, but weekly is my new goal. Oh and if you would like to read my interview......here ya go (ps dont judge my spelling I couldnt figure out how to edit it after I wrote it!)! When I am I will post the link!
It feels good to have my writing acknowledged! It's been almost three years since I started this blog. And finally I have other people than T interested in it (no disrespect T you’re my #1 fan!).
So I guess I'm a writer.
Nice to meet you, I'm Cathy and I'm a writer aspiring to be a journalist!

the food bandit

2009-10-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

Well I got a new house! I move Dec first. The Land Lords did not take it well. They have taken to ignoring us, and when their kids try to talk to us, they are hushed and sent inside. The curtains are drawn, the doors are locked and the family is on the DL.
I'm not entirely sure why they are so mad?
Did I do some thing?
I thought that I just gave them over a months notice. I mean if they didn’t see it coming they must be dense. I told them I was looking for another house (all of us did).

Any ways I can't do anything about their anger........unless I had super powers. But I would have a long list of much cooler things to do with super powers.

Have you heard about the food bandit?
The illusive bandit knows just what is mine.....and only eats my food. After point blank being asked Kam said no she had not eaten my food. So I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Yesterday an entire container of KD went missing out of the fridge. LeahN Eron and I were all gone Kam was home....................Must be a bandit. That’s the only explanation.

I hooked up on twitter today. Mostly I wanted to support this super cute girl who wants to be the next VJ on Much Music. So I figured I would twitter for a good cause! I got all set up and made a life changing decision. Twitter is where I where promote myself! See I am a hardcore Face booker...............but I don't want my actual friends to read my blog! So I have never done a lot of blog promo there.....but not one person I know is on twitter! Do you know what that means? Cathy Coppin uncensored!! woot woot!! So if you want to read a tweet or two, check out my twitter page......I'm going to post a link on the side bar....I hope!

Night on the town

2009-10-18T15:22:00.000-07:00

It was a long day of work. We were all not looking our best......but we did it anyways.
A room mates photo shoot.

fan of fridays

2009-10-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

This week I am just giving you a song.
I dedicate this song to my land lord and room mate.
I'm a fan of expressing anger through music!

Some times I wish I could afford a plane ticket out of here.

2009-10-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever just had one of those days?
Right you know the one I'm talking about.
The one where you watch your favourite episode of gossip girl (or you know less amazing shows) over and over again. Wishing the whole time you could just stay in that little world.
You and Chuck Bass. lol.

I wish I could take my college and all the people in it, and put it some where new. I am not such a fan of the bridge anymore. Huge fan of college though. It may be hard, to up root a whole college. Since you know it’s huge and impossible.

Well since I can't escape my life and bring my school with me for real. I thought I would do it here. Anything is possible with the power of the internet. lol.
So here is goes.
One plane ticket to........... some where warm, and about the size of Toronto.
Big and warm, these two things make for the perfect living situation.
Also a personal chef makes for a good living situation, but I won't be that picky.
In this city, I am wearing the most amazing out fit. Not a hoodie and PJ pants (though I shouldn’t knock PJ's they are the most amazing attire)
In this city I also have landlords, which do not care about my personal life. Making it very easy to not feel parented at all times (oh how I long for those days).
Also I do have room mates, we all get along very well. But we aren't all up in each others business. Supportive but not clingy and noisy.
There is this super beautiful Irish guy, (he just came here to fall in love......I suspect it will be with me) living down the hall. He is a writer; he too is going to school. He is very helpful with my English assignments (But I mean English or no English his eyes still look as green).
I work part time at a magazine. Nothing glamorous because I don’t' have a degree yet. I get coffee and take messages. But since it is for a top fashion magazine I get great off cast free clothes. And I work with the most fabulous gay guy (BRog will work) we have a blast all day.
And let’s not forget my great college, which I love, is there for me to go to 5 days a week.

Kind of didn't want to leave that world.
I guess its back to reality winter boots and all.

waging war

2009-10-13T18:58:00.001-07:00

I want so badly to wage a war.
To hurt you as bad as you have hurt me
The past few months
I want so badly to fix
My problems with you
By scheming
I made plans
I wrote notes
I know how to
Destroy you
I will not fight
I will not falter
I will not be like you
By scheming
My problems with you
I will not be fixed
The next few months I will
Protect myself
I want so badly to wage a war.

Thanksgiving the day of glory

2009-10-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

This is my Thanksgiving weekend. It was amazing! Thanks to everyone.....especially T an KC (catch that SAB I changed you name,clever right!?) Here's some photos we took Sunday!

It's a baby!

2009-10-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

No this is not MY baby. This is the future Fox-Walker baby! look how cute! This little Foxlette is getting bigger and bigger.......Can't wait.

What I am

2009-10-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

In one week I get to be any thing I want.
Mondays I'm an Upper East Side socialite. For one whole hour I wear high couture and live in New York.

Tuesdays I work for a sarcastic Doctor. Who is brilliant and a tad insane? I only get to do this Tuesdays because it interferes with my plans to be a socialite on Mondays.

Wednesday I strut my stuff all up and back the cat walk. All the while thinking about how fierce Mr J and Mrs. Banks are.

Thursday I perform along side my cutie pie of a leading man in Glee club. Beating it out, and belting it out along with my friends.....and may I say the cutes Spanish teacher I ever did see. Of course I push practice down a day since I have to practise my cat walkWednesday

Fridays I am a Dr worried about losing my job, and since my hopes to snag McDreamy has officially been stomped, looking for a new love interest. And of course I am running a bit late again but hey I can only book so many careers in a day!

And that’s what I am every week night. When I'm not busy learning to be afab Journalist.

strait up ballin

2009-10-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

That tile has to do with nothing. Other than the fact that Z said that phrase for about an hour strait yesterday. I meant to write last night......turns out I figured Reba was more entertaining than blogging.

Saturday I called the province of Alberta. Here is a sample of what I did.

*Ringring Ringring Ringring*
Hello?
Hi! I a college student.....
*click*

*Ringring Ringring*
..................Hello?.......
...Hi, I'm a college student, and I am conducting an opinion poll for a cla
*click*

That was my Saturday.

Sunday was a long day, to stay awake during this day I attempted to play hearts on my lap top. After two hours I was addicted.
"Cathy conference is over. You don't have to sit there any more."
"NOOOOOO. Douche bag tricked me into getting the queen!!!!"
That was Sunday.

Monday was I came home form school to a note on the board.

"Hey guys, I think we need to talk about the problems that we have with each other. You know he said she said, apologies, that kind of stuff. Let me know! Text me?"

I talked to my other two roomies; we all came to the same decision.
We don't have anything to say to you.
I erased the message and did my home work.

Tuesday I decided to get healthy! I woke up in the morning and strapped on my running shoes. I turned on my ipod and started to run. I got to the end of the block and remembered I hadn't done that in a while. Since my lungs now felt like they were on fire, I gave up for that day. When I got home my foot began to hurt again.
Looks like I'll stick to yoga for a while!

And that is my week so far. PS if you are looking for a laugh today, go to the itunes store, type in "The Moth Podcast" click on this picture

And download Jessi Klein: Dale
It's free, and a good laugh about someones bad day.
Enjoy!!!

Fan of Friday

2009-10-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

I missed lasts weeks "Fan of Friday" I'm sure you all died a little in side. Anyways this weeks talents is..........

what follows 86?

2009-10-01T15:39:00.000-07:00

It sad to say but since my 86th post, I haven't been able to think of much to post. So here goes nothing. Sorry if it's lame.

I don’t really like fish. To eat yes please, to have as a pet no thank you. I know what you’re thinking, out of all the pets, why do you not like fish? They are so easy to take care of! Well to you I say, they stink. Kam got a fish about a month ago; I think she has fed it four times. Needless to say it's starving and swimming in a small bowl of fungus and fish waste. Yeah that’s what I thought, not so appealing now are they? It has gotten so bad that the fish often get stuck in the fungus that has formed in the bowl. So today I decided to take matters into my own hands. I gave it a large helping of fish dots (this is what her fish food is. not flakes, not food, fish dots). When I got home from school I cleaned the bowl.
This is not an easy feat for me. See I don’t like unpredictable animals. At any moment that fish could have flopped off the spoon I was using to catch it, and on to my sweater. Then it would have falling to the floor and flopped around looking like it was having an episode. I would like to say that I would help it, but no it's too unpredictable to help. Plus it's been swimming in its own waste for a month. Really I think the fish should have more respect for me! I was doing a good dead for it! It could have just swum up to the spoon hopped on and laid still until it got to the sour cream container, where it was to await a clean house.
I wasn't aware that I could write such a long paragraph about such a simple event. But I did. Case closed fish clean.

Since school has progressed, my friends have kind of changed. Bri and I are still tight, but BRog has taken up with a new crowd of girls. Who we can't really handle a lot of. But at the same time BRog started to hang with the "other girls" I started to hang with a couple other people. Who I have a lot more fun with. Remember the cute boy that I couldn't decide his sexual orientation. That’s Z; he is quickly becoming my favourite person. Ok top 10 he has a lot to live up to! And Jess is this cute little girl who I was in a group with once. Any ways Bri, Z, Jess and I have all kind of just taken to each other. So this documents the end of the "tripod" (what BRog called us) and the beginning of friendships. Which I think sounds way better than the”tripod" anyways. Not that I don't still like BRog, he is great! Oh and still haven't figure out if Z is gay but I'm leaning towards yes.

PS do you watch GLEE? I have totally fallen in love with their singing. I like the show, but tend to get bored when they are doing anything else but singing. I guess it's my love of show choir (which I never got to experience) or maybe it's the good looking lead? Either way I have been singing GLEE songs all day!