Arising From The Ashes

First off I must give a shout out to Tiff. I cant even tell you how grateful I am for all you have done for me.
Second a shout out to the rest of my family. It was truly humbling to hear that you all cared so much. I am eternally grateful to you all as well.
As most of you should know by now, I have had a ruff month. But with A LOT of help from my family, and a bit from my friends (special shout out to Matea for being so great) I have lived through it. And have decided to start a new, In a new town with new people, new lessons and new experiences.
Yesterday I pulled out of everything. First was Classes. As I walked up to the building my stomach did somersaults. What if I was making a terrible mistake was all I could think. I did it, I dropped my classes. And as I walked out of my former school, i felt a weight slide off my back. Next was my job. I once again walked up to the building, the thought crossed my mind that I may be making a terrible mistake again, but after pulling out of classes I felt there was nothing keeping me here anymore. So I talked to my manager. Who took it EXTREMELY well. He wished me good luck, told me not to worry, and said he would give me an excellent reference.
I had already told 2 of my friends that I was leaving.
Cody took it the worse. He blames Will. I dont blame him really, I also blame will. If he would have just left I would have stayed longer. But in the end I still would have left, so I guess blaming does nothing.
But today, today was amazing. As I pack and place my life in boxes, I felt new. Like the girl that I thought I had lost, was really just hiding, tired of what has happened waiting for a spark of hope.
And now that I found that spark I can function. Every thing that was so hard last time I moved feel like a side note. And for once I can picture my life and see something big! not just confusion. Im going to be great. And getting out of here was just what I needed to begin.
Thank you Everyone. For caring and for trying. Things are getting better. And its all thanks to you guys (Especially You Tiff).
So I have arose from the ashes of the past 4 years. ready and willing to see the new life I have blossom in front of my very eyes.

Butt Naked and Im Up My Knees In Crap Situations.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry releasing a bit of emotion on this blog.
ok so here it is. no cover ups. Im just going to be pure Cathy.
I can not stand living with Laura and her Boyfriend Will. I didn't sign up to be a threesome. NO. I was suppose to be living with Laura. But then her BF needed to stay here till he found a place....it now feels like he will never move out! For the place he has found to live is here, free of charge!
I really like will, but I find it disgusting that he feels its ok to have weed in my house, and I find it even worse that he smokes cigars on my balcony. I also hate that he comes back from the bar with his drunk friends, and then lets me make sure that dont wreck my house. I miss having the spirit in my house, I miss feeling safe. I completely took my self out of the world of drugs and alcohol, and now it is back. And i will not watch it destroy who I am again! I WILL NOT!
I also hate that since Will has moved in here, I have lost my Best Friend, It seems that she has become some form of a leach that hangs off his face or his waist at all times! I knew her standard had slipped but I really hate witnessing it over and over and over again!
I have also come to realize that it is impossible to be best friends with someone who has not an inch of the same moral values as you. Or it is for me anyways. I find myself becoming less and less of what I need to be and more and more of what I hate. I recently bought the book "P.S. I love you" I was thinking about it, I want friends like Holly, Friends that are just part of me in every way. I also would like to be a good person. Cathy+ Laura= no spirit, stupid in a bad way, no spirit. Bad Combo. Time to find someone new, someone to laugh with and to love but that makes me the best me I can be.
My house is a disaster. I know that those of you how knew me growing up will think "yeah your house has always been a disaster". HA. It really was. But the thing is I hate it, all the clutter all the dirt its just GROSS! (let me remind you that im not saying my house is a bit messy pity me, Im saying there are my room mates dishes covering every inch of my counters and floor I smell garbage and can find a place to sit with out clearing a space from the couch.) I know you must be thinking, well clean. HA! I did, just yesturday I did a batch of dishes and swept the floor and picked up my text books and such up. Guess what I left for a movie and 3 hours later my house looked worse than it did before I cleaned it. today I found a dead bug crusted to the toilet seat. which was up and filled with pee. MAN PEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! men are gross, my husband better hope he knows how to clean up after himself, and put the seat DOWN!
I have been finding refuge in Cody. HA yeah refuge. let us say that personal torture is better than the one in my apartment. I have recently found out that I have a obsession with Cody, I hate being away for him for any amount of time, Im always talking about him and always thinking about him. I am hopelessly in love with the boy. I have been for months and months. The problem is that as strongly as I feel for Cody, He feels for another girl. I listen to him for hours on end talk about his undying love for Andrea. I know that all of you are thinking you just need to tell him how you feel. I already did and i didnt beat around the bush thats so not like me. I said Cody as much as your in love with Andrea is how much im In love with you, maybe even more. oh Cathy you foolish foolish girl to think that anyone would love you back. Your own Father didnt love you, why would any other man. So there it is I even at one point asked him if I should still like him, cuz he was acting like I should but had never really said anything back to the Hey Cody im madly in love with you thing. He said I should stop. Thats hilarious, like its just that easy. I hate that it feels like he is in control of my emotions. and I especially hate that I cant run anywhere. I cant run home I dont have the money. I cant run to my apartment for super leach and her chain smoking rock star boyfriend, I cant run to Cody, I cant run anywhere.
For the first time in my life I am backed into a corner. And I desperately just want to scream, scream and scream and scream. And then run, run so fast and so far that no one can hurt me. I need that hero that someone to save me. Unfortunately I think the only one that can save me is me, and Im afraid i might not be strong enough to do it alone.

the students life

Oh September, time for fall to come a blowing in, time for sharpened pencils and new backpacks, for new shoes and old friends. Time for school!
In my city when September hits, you can tell. There is a fresh crop of newly graduated high schoolers roaming the city after orientation at the university or college. They come in all shapes and sizes, in all different ranks of good looking and interestingness. Some speak different languages some lived provinces away. But regardless of where they came from or what they are doing here, they all have one thing in common. they are students.
I happen to have joined the masses a semester ago, and am perfectly happy to be lumped in with all of the other discount getting, bus filling, students.
And so this week I started on the journey, my head filled with new ideas and excitement for new classes.
The first week in college is usually quite dry. They hand out a syllabus and poke fun at past classes, trying to lighten the mood, all the while hinting that you should NOT be like the fools in their last class. Something I have heard a lot of my teachers mention, is kids who have wandered into there classes by mistake, realize they aren't in the right place half way through, and don't leave, because it would be rude. Missing their real class and sitting in on a pointless one.
In fact just yesterday my teacher welcomed those individuals and hopped they enjoyed his class.
I thought this was totally dumb, as if you wouldn't just get up and leave. I would.
This morning I ran into my 10 o'clock class almost late for the first class. sat at the back and listened to the intro my teacher was giving.......10 minutes later it was clear to me that I was not in composition. And that this class I was in was very very much not the right class. I sat for a while contemplating what to do. the room was packed, not only had I walked in, in the middle of him talking but i had to run in front of the class to make it to an open seat. I had 2 options
A) make a dash for the door and hope this teacher didn't notice (unlikely due to the fact that he was standing in front of the door). or B) sit through this random class.
I chose B.
I have now become that example that everyone laughs at, at the beginning of each semester. I later found out my class was in that room just 2 hours earlier. However it was kinda nice to be in a class, and not have to take notes or really even remember things that aren't interesting. The teacher had some pretty interesting stories. Also a lot of interesting views on my religion. I was double relived that wasn't my class when I realized that he was one of the Mormon hating teachers I had heard of. Poor kids that raised their hands when he ask who was Mormon....I mean Christian (In his words) In the class.
Well happy September all. I'm sure I'm not the only one loving that school has started again!

The Big BANG Theory

So let me start by saying that this has been one of the worse summers of my life. That maybe because I love summers, and usually jam them full of love and sun. And that this summer I was stuck in a hot sweaty bakery with Christine the manager from judgmental hell, and my best friends were all fighting. I was completely pushed away by my best friend, who I really needed. i was forced to deal with family issues (that was like a swift kick to the back of the head.) I was stuck in a house with a room-mate that was cool, and then turned into analrella. The first and only guy I liked here moved eastward.........the list goes on and on and on.
So needless to say this summer was in need of a hero.
About 2 months ago I realized I was way over my head, and had no way out. The only thing I could do was wait.....I hate to wait.......If you know me you would know I HATE to not be in control...... It was HORRIBLE!!!!!
And so since there was nothing I could do, and no way for me to know what was going to happen, I created the big bang theory.
The theory would be put into motion 2 weeks before I go back to school. When my best friend that pushed me away, left for two weeks.
All at this time I started the count down to the last day of full time work. That was great. It made me hate ever second of work more than the last.
Then I had to sit down and think about how to deal with Cody ( the best friend that pushed me away). Each day the Bang Theory changed.
One Day the Bang theory ended in me Running away to Saskatchewan. To deal with the family part of my summer.
The Next day The Bang Theory Had me telling Cody to forever stay away from me.
The Next day the Bang theory had me walking up to the boss from hell and very calmly telling her, that she is a crazy, psychotic ,bosszilla, and that she needs to find true happiness in her life.
The Next day the Bang Theory Had me forgiving Cody.
But regardless of what lead up to the Big Bang Theory I knew one thing. The Sunday before schools started the Bang would occur.
The Bang the solved this crappy summer, or the Bang that set me into a downward depressed spiral of tears and emotion.

BANG!!!!!!
it happened.
Sunday at 4 o'clock
BANG!!!!!!!
BANG
BANG..................BANG!!!!!

So let me end by saying this way by far the hardest summer I have had in a long time. But in the end, everything was put into place. My heart no longer feels like it was put through a bread slicer over and over again. It is put back together, and has room for the new adventure that this year has for me to find. And even though all my Friends arn't at peace with each other, I made peace with them. And know I have to plot out a a new theory. the Cathy's Magical Life Theory, or the Everything Will Work Out Theory. the Chill or Be Chilled Theory.....

To be a big sister

those last 2 entries sound like something I would have wrote in grade 8. lol. oh well, you can take the girl out of the farm but you cant take the farm outta her.
Anyways, this past week my younger brother has been staying at my house. I dont think I have spent this much time with him since my mom got re-married (4 years ago). First off I noticed a few things. he's still the same just much much LARGER. He still doesnt say much, and when he does its really hard to follow, he's really bad at telling stories. He still eats A LOT. I still have no problem telling him what to do, and he still does it.
He is how ever a lot cleaner. He does dishes and picks up his crap. And he has interest other than the latest ninja turtle action figure now. He knows about grown up things, like drivers licences and such.
We had a pretty good time, on Friday I kinda wanted to drop kick him. But I think thats more that he back talks now and it pisses me off.
It has been weird to be a big sister again. I declared my Independence a long time ago. And for the most part I have been doing it with out my parents. So It has been strange to have family around, my plans to pick up and move cant be blurted out at every moment and I have to watch what I say. it's weird how your family is part of your life but at the same time totally not. Being a big sister again was fun, but I think I still like my freedom. funny how with me family is like being tied down. I dont know why I think like that. Weird.

Candian Id'Earl

Im sure there are plenty of american Idol fans out there, but i've never really gotten in to that show. I have always felt that the singers were not very unique (minus jason castero from this season). But only twice have become obsesed with Canadain Idol. The second season, because of jacob hoggard.


Who only made it to the top 3, but has become the most successful Idol in Canada, Because of his band Hedley. But after being completely obsessed with Idol for um well many many years, I have finally found someone Who I think is equally as talented as Jacob (if not more).
Earl Stevenson. I highly suggest you check him out hes A) beautiful and B) EXTREMELY talented and C) Albertan!!!


I also have an amazing talent to predict the winner of Canadian Idol. In season 2 I guess who it would come down to (Kalan and Teresa) And that Jacob would be 3......he's amazing just not what Canada wanted (Canada being the old Lady's and 15 year olds).
So in the end I love EARL! and hope he goes away.....but I truly think he's to talented to win Canadian Idol something about him always being him, makes me want to marry him, but not make Canada vote.

The Soundtrack to My Life

If theres one thing I love it's music......These are a few brilliant artist I've worn out on my Ipod this month. Their definately worth taking a listen to..... Funny how they all look pretty much the same! Enjoy.
P.S. In no way are any of these artist hard rock. so have no fear your ears are safe this month!



MATT COSTA------fav song of the moment:
Behind The Moon
Whiskey and Wine



JACK JOHNSON------Fav song of the moment:
Imagine
Lullaby (feat. Matt costa)
Banana Pancake


GAVIN DEGRAW--------------Fav song of the moment:
Chariot
Hallelujah



THE BEATLES-------------------------Fav song of the moment: Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
Here Comes The Sun



CITY AND COLOUR----Fav song of the moment:
Hello I'm in Delaware
Urgencey



THE DOORS---------Fav Song Of The Moment:
Light My Fire
Peace frog




Death Cab For Cutie---------Favorite song of the moment:
Cath.......
A Lack Of Color


Ryan Adams--------Favorite song of the moment:
Two
Come pick Me up

RANDOMS:
Ophelia- The Band
Oh Atlanta- Allison Krauss
Lola-The Kinks
Love This Town-Joel PLaskett
Little Bones- The Tragivally Hip
Magic Carpet Ride- Steppenwolf
Viva La Vida- Cold Play
Remind Yourself - Tyler Kyle
Honey Honey- ABBA
SOS- Mad Caddies

4 days off= Heaven

So as those of you who have read me last blog know, I put my back out. The pain wasn't good, but the 4 days I got off work for it, was great! I had to endure alot of pain for those 4 days off, so I decided to enjoy them to the fullest.
Friday night as you may or may not (but you should or your crazy.) know was the night before breaking dawn came out. Now I dont think of my self as a scary twilight fan, but in reality I am. So I dragged my roomie along with me to chapters to eagerly wait in line for 2 hours for me pre ordered copy of the greatest book ever written!
So I then re-thought the whole 4 days off plan. yes I could sleep and do all the things the chiropractor ordered.....or I could read breaking dawn non stop for 2 of the 4 days. I chose option #2. Do you blame me? I mean come on. Its been months since I finished eclipse....I needed to know, and then I was hooked. I like to think of the twilight series as my own personal drug. Once I start. theres no putting it down. After finishing Breaking dawn I was broke and couldn't but the next one. it drove me completely crazy! (Sad I know) I just want more Edward and Bella, More Jacob, More of the Cullens. I a have to take this second to thank Stephanie Meyers for here amazing books. With out them I would still be a normal person. Who isnt addicted to an imaginary family! lol.
In the end I finished Breaking dawn yesterday at noon. After I shut the book, I felt a kind of lose. a sadness. Thats it. Thats all. And i have spent every hour since then dreaming of twilight. Last night I had a dream about vampires. This is strange for me....I usually have really weird and warped dreams, but never with imaginary characters in them. And who dreams about vampires!!!
But now I get to enter back into the real world, back to work, and no more Twilight to read.

So on a slightly less obsessive note, Saturday, my Mom and Brother and Step sister came for a visit. They brought me a new couch.
I dont know If I mentioned it but, I moving to a new place!!! Im so excited, I spend hours at work thinking about re decorating and all the fun I`m going have in this apartment. Just me and Laura.
Anyways My family. So the came and dragging this huge couch into my living room with no help from me, (Back pain So inconvenient.) And then we were off to run errands and such. I usually have a blast with my mom, But it seems when you add other members of my family in the plot, we dont get along so well. I dont know why, its rather strange. But Its always been like that. Im pretty sure thats why my mom spend more alone time with me. So we can enjoy it. By the enc of the day we had crossed the line with teasing my brother, and she was tired broke and ready to go. Oh well, I guess I just forget sometimes that she`s my mom. I usually think of her more as a friend. I guess thats why when she acts motherly Its so weird for me.
After they left, the slightly down mood was lifted by a trip to the theater. To see Mama Mia. What a great movie that is. Its corny and dumb. But I dont think anyone can resist a good ABBA song. And the guy that plays sky, is rather good looking. Not to mention, the Mom and her 2 best friends remind me of My 2 best friends and me. I sure 30 years from know when our first kids are about to get married, there might be quite a bit of singing and dancing form the 3 of us. If not just because we think it would be fun, but to embarrass our children shamefully...lol....

to love life....or to break down that is the question.

have you ever experienced a time in your life when everything goes right and wrong at the same time? It sounds impossible, but it is not.
At this moment theres so many things going right for me, but so many things not.
I got a new apartment. I love it, its going to be just me and laura. Its by stores and not in the middle of no where. It gets to be all me and laura, and I am so stoked for it.
But I found out my LandLady...let us call her Sister Anal, Wasnt planning on letting us stay here after our lease was up. Because we dont clean the house good enough. First I dont see what that has to do with her, and second I have a life!!!! Dishes take the back-burner! Freak I hate her. it was really nice of her to tell us this, so we had time to find a place. I have a place, but what if I didnt? Where would I be then?
I Finally am working descent hours. I'm wracking in the money, which is great. I dont even mind that I have literally no life. All the money is getting my debt payed off.
I hurt my back. well not just hurt. damaged horribly. I saw the chiropractor, he was disgusted with how horrible my back was. Told me to get on workers comp....cuz unless i enjoy the stabbing pains in my back, my back wont be getting better anytime soon.
I Quit my second job at Key Man. It was great! I'm so glad to be getting some spare time back. I forgot how nice it is just to relax.
However, after my manager read my notice, she decided to be rather annoying. and instead of giving me normal hours, so I could make as much as I could my last 2 weeks she gave me 2, 3 hours shifts! what a waste of my time!
N wrote me on facebook. It was great to talk to him. I really miss him, and we have great convos. He told me to call him so we can talk on the phone.
This ripped open the slowly healing wound, that occured after he left. and I started getting over him. Now I am back to the " If you arnt suppose to be in my life why are you?"
So these are a few things in my life right now. Is it good or is it bad I dont no. But I plan to lose my self in the next twilight book! I get my copy at 12:01am!