Twilight-A-Thon

As any true Twilight freak should know, the Twilight Movie (based on the Stephanie Meyers book Twilight) opens in 7 days! Because I a bit of a freak, and more importantly because Twilight is amazing I am starting the "Twilight Blog Count Down"! Each day I will post a new clip that has to do with Twilight to celebrate my excitement! If you haven't already, todays post was "Bella's Lullaby", watch, enjoy, comment, and share in the excitement of what in my personal opinon is the only movie I've ever been excited for! (Hey usually I have better things to do than sit around and count the days till a movie opens!)

Bella's Lullaby

So its 7 days until Twilight comes out.....ever wonder just what Bella's Lullaby sounded like? me to! this is the song from the movie sound track.....its also on repeat on my Ipod!

Emotion

don't waste your emotion on me he said, i don't care about your pain. I finally see, that even when i spent all this time convincing myself that you do care about me you don't. Why did I waste 2 years of my life wishing you would love me. Why did i not just love myself?
How could he think this emotion was wasted? When it wasn't my emotion that was wasted it was my life. What I felt for you it wasn't emotion. It was my everything. it was how I made it through, when my life was worth less than nothing.
And how could you let me do that? why didn't you walk away and stay away!? because your self fish, because you can't live with out me. but not because you love me, because I give my everything to you. I carry you. that's why you came back not because you love me, because I make your life that much easier.
I had to leave the place I love, the people I love because of you! do you know that? Not because Laura and Will were sleeping together. Because I loved you so hard that I was recking my own life. And you let me. You held me in your arms when i cried and then you let me think you loved me. You held my hand your played with my hair, you told Laura you would find a way to bring me back. Not because you love me, but because you need me.
Do you know that I have to mentally not let my self touch you. I have to convince myself days in advance that I wont hold you to long when we hug, that I wont put my head on your shoulder at the movies, that I wont let my hand fall into your when we walk. Days, of thinking how much harder it will be if I let those things happen to watch you go.
But for you those things are easy. They just happen because you like feeling my love for you, you feed off the fact that someone is crazy about you. It makes you a bigger man if a girl is in love with you. You don't care that I spend months after wards praying that I wont let you hurt me like that again.
You really thought your warnings meant something didn't you. Really thought that after that night that I lied in your arms for hours and hours that I wouldn't be impacted, just because you once said you didn't love me. Actions speak louder than words.
I can't believe that even after I moved miles away I find my self remembering you. thinking about how it felt to be held like that, thinking about every word said that night, every laugh every tear. thinking about the promises you made.
How could you be so self fish?
I thought once that how I felt for you was never a waste, even if you never felt that way to. I felt love was never a waste. but I was so wrong. every moment of sleep every tear drop that ran down my face, every minute of worry. It was all a waste. because here I sit talking to you about "her". And even know i think that the reason you feel different about "her" is me. I let you tell me how much you love her, I let you tell me how you feel like nothing with out her. and you have the nerve to say I could never understand? how dare you. I gave you my life, that's more than you ever gave "her".
But that's OK because at this moment I take it all back.Every tear, every moment I wanted you to just hold me, all of it. I'm done loving you Cody. I can't do it anymore. I can't waste this life God gave me. I have so much a head of me, It scares me to look at what I can be. That's why I hid behind my love for you.
I'm quiting you cold turkey. Your never going to be my perfect brand of heroin. You are no longer my Edward. I am letting you go Cody. Because I refuse to be like you. I have better things to do.
A life with no love would be better than what you can give me Cody. because I am tired of taking what I can get, I'm tired of settling for less than I deserve.
It wont be easy, it will be painful. But I am worth more than what you give me. good bye forever. from now on you end with friend. I can be strong with out you, I can be brave with out you. I am Safe with out you, but most importantly I am loved, really loved with out you.
Don't waste your emotions on me he said, OK for once I agree with you.

The Thing About Room Mates

The thing about room mates is that they are always very unique. Always. My last room mates each had things that made them shine, and had things that made me want to kill them. But I loved them for the most part.
Now I get to discover room mates all over again! which I do enjoy (not even being sarcastic!) I love learning peoples personalities, I don't however like finding out that they are impossible to live with.

Any ways

My NEW and improved room mates!(For the most part)
right now there is 6 of us. all members (I think)3 upstairs and three downstairs.

Roomie #1 Courtnay...Don't know much about her, except that she is having a ruff time due to stress about moving to Utah in January... I don't judge her for that, been there turned into the super bitch as well. She seems like she is a rather cliquey girl, who doesn't mind new people terribly but you wont really be noticed until she learns to trust you. she is the ring leader of the house, and for the most part keeps to her self.

Roomie #2 Ariana....She is way cute, and way friendly. I've been here 4 days and have already been out with her twice. she is super random, she has one of those "Hey look at me" personalities. Which isn't bad. She is second in command, And is good at befriending just about anyone. She is also super glam. she has nice nice clothes and hair and make up. even after waking up she looks like she walked out of a seventeen magazine.

Roomie #3....It's sad but I haven't actually caught her name! she moved in the day after me, but got a big room...good thing I'm not picky or that could have pissed me off a lot! anyways shes really nice, and is here for a year on a visa. She is from either Ireland Scotland or Liverpool, I haven;t got a chance to sit down with her and chat yet. But I am most excited to get to know her. But from the little i have talked to her she seems super friendly.

That is the three upstairs girls.

Roomie #4 Candise....Shes nice, she keeps to her self, shes not a out there personality, but she can hold a conversation. Shes really nice, she's moving to The Bridge in January... the funny thing is when I first met her I thought "Wow she fits the bridge stereotype." I like her, she aspires to be a lawyer, and has a degree in sign language.

Roomie #5 Sam.... Sam Is interesting. the first time I met her was at church. She was wearing a short black leather shirt and a red plaid top tied up(she had a shirt underneath covering her stomach. and long blonde un showered hair, with black leather ankle boots. Not something you usually see at a mormon gathering. How ever I had a nice chat with her, she seem like she is very sure of her self. she is EXTREMELY real. But nice, we get along pretty well, but I also see some arguments in our future. Ariana filled me in on her. She was banished to the smallest room in the house in the basement, because of her dog. Which is not house trained and craps all over the house. and Is rather neglected (however she has been told the dog goes or she does). She apparently doesn't shower much and is a slob. of course I was a little shocked today when I was making dinner and she came prancing through the house in a skimpy towel she was holding together in the back. Not that I don't run through the hall every morning with a towel on....but then again I did just get out of the shower. and I'm not wandering through the house. She never did take a shower....so maybe she was just airing herself out? either way it was a little shocking.

despite the interesting personality traits of each of these girls, I'm really liking it here. I hope it will only get better, since 3 girls are moving out In January that means I will have 3 more personalities to experience. Oh well at least I get to move up to a big room!

The nice thing about not knowing any of these girls before hand, is that it will take a while for them to learn enough about me, to give life pointers....which was a frequent problem with my last room mates!

7 things

It maybe extremely sad that I can relate this song....due to the fact that its by Miley Cyrus, and that these girls in the video are like 14. but I do! oh well...I guess love is the same no matter what age 14 or 47 it still brings out your best and worse emotions.

Remembrance

Remembrance Day, I do realize that this is a day to remember fallen solders and their fight for our freedom. But on Remembrance Day I often skip that part, I am very grateful for them men and women that fought so I could sit here and freely express myself. I would not even want to imagine a world where I couldn't tell you that I don't support war, and violence. A world where I couldn't have the freedom to support a greener earth, and all the morals and values I have embraced. So don't get me wrong when I say for me Remembrance day is a day for me to remember a man who meant a lot to me.
My Grandfather Roy Coppin, served in WW2. And because of that Remembrance Day has become my day to remember the life of my Grandfather.

My Grandpa died when i was 14, but I lost him long before that. he went in for a surgery to save his life, and it saved his body, but not his mind.
The greatest honour I ever had was when I found out the even though he lost basically all of his memory, he remembered me and my brother. my Grandpa was not a Good father, but he was the perfect Grandpa. I never felt un-loved when he was around.
He use to carry one of those money dispensers that hold loonies and twoonies. Every time he saw my or my brother he would give us a dollar or two. he was always full of hugs.
He was the only Grandpa I ever knew, and he made up for the fact that I never got to know my Grandpa Shipley's love. He had enough love to fill both spots.

My favourite Memory of my Grandfather in his last years, showed that even though he was slipping away part of him was still there.
I was visiting my grandparents, and my Grandpa was in pretty bad shape (he was moved to a home about 3 months later, his memory basically gone) I was left home with him while my Grandma went shopping. He was really easy to watch, because he would just lay on the couch and watch channel 2 (the news channel that you have to read) for hours. I was sitting next to him reading a book, and he looked up. He looked at me and said "Hunny where's Elenor?" I stopped and looked at him and said "She is shopping Grandpa." which was followed by his response, "Dam women always spending my hard earned cash on useless crap!" which was followed by a few more curse words, and then snoring.

My Grandpa was amazing man, and even though he made many mistakes, he will always be someone I hold dear to my heart.

And so my remembrance day is filled with good memories of a grandfather friend and solder. Someone who played a small role in the war, but a large role in my life.

My perfect kind of drug

I don't know what to do. It seems it has all been solved but one problem, the hardest one. Please don't leap out of your seats I'm fine. I just need advice from anyone.
How do you stop loving someone?
I realize that I told most every one I was on the road to getting over Cody. but that was a lie.
How do you break a habit that is worse than drugs?
I want to move on, I do. I want to find Mr Perfect. I know Cody isn't it. So why does it still feel like I can't live with out him?
Why is my biggest fear that he will say sorry, live your own life, I don't want you in mine anymore?
Why do I think that out of everything that has ever happened to me, that would be something I could never live through?
Why am I so pathetic!?
Please some one tell me how to get over someone you would lay your life down for?
I wish I could say that I know one day I will be over him, but the truth is I don't think I could ever kick this habit, but it's the one habit I want more than anything to get rid of.
So you Lover birds out there any advice?
I wish I knew why he is in my life, and why I know he is meant to stay there.
oh love isn't it grand!

Metamorphosis

How a scared, small town girl; who felt broken and hurt became a new women; ready to take on the big city and meet new people.

The feeling that you FINALLY turned your life around, am look at the girl you once were and smile that your a billion times better now.

The process of making a new life for yourself.

Over coming those obstacles that were holding you back, and letting the traumatic hard experiences shape you into a new person.

Putting your life in Gods hands and saying "I'm ready for you take take control, let's make this life great!"

I got a job! and I'm looking for a place in the big city as I type.....Things worked out, huh go figure! well it's funny how good I feel, It's like I transformed, all it took was the words "Can you start Monday?" I so ready to get this life going it's ridiculous! wish me luck bloggers I'm on my way to great things!

The List

The List was made up a long time ago.....Each of my room mates and I sat down and made a list of men, that we could never have, but wanted so badly. We all decided that once we were married we would give the list to our husbands and explain that this is what he beat out! not that any of us would be hooking up with A listers anytime soon! In honour of my ex-roomie getting engadged I have brought the list out! So this is my list......Enjoy (I know I do!)

Mark Walberg


Patrick Dempsey

Johnny Depp

Gerard Butler

John Travolta

Jim Strugess

Shia LaBouf


Jacob Hoggard

Robert Pattinson

Ed Westwick