Thursday, July 29, 2010

Cray Town

I got another job! yeah! It's a bit late but in the case of money I will say, better late than never! I have had two training days at the movie theater this week. It's not so bad, I mean it's not the most glamorous job..... I did have to break down and buy all black shoes, that are definitely ugly but in a cute way. They don't have a whole lot of grip on them so last night I found my feet slowly moving out from under me. And instead of walking I kind of glide around concession. For the most part it might actually be one of the easiest jobs I have ever done. We'll see so far so good.

So the weekend of the weddings is steadfastly approaching. That means a few things.

1. I am going to have to wear a dress and high heels for two days straight......not a big deal. It's not as if though I am a tom boy, but I don't really wear dresses often, I tend to forget you can't move your legs certain ways or sit certain ways. Not to mention Steph's bridesmaids dress is a little snug, so breathing is kind of restricted.

2. I am going to be in front of a camera for two days, not behind one. At first I thought great I would love some new pictures especially ones were everyone is dressed up nice. Then I realized oh I don't get to take any of these pictures. That's sad. So dear photographers if you see me scowling in your direction it's only because I would rather be taking those photos!

3. there's gonna be a lot of driving! I have to go to Calgary and pick up Laura, come home. Drive to the other side of the city for a bachlorette party, come home. Drive all over the city to get my hair done, the ceremony, the pictures, the reception. Then drive to Cochrane. For someone who doesn't drive that's a lot of driving.

All in all the weekend of weddings will be enjoyable, entertaining, and I am sure a little dramatic. I mean I can only stand Nicki for small amounts of time before I am ready to knock a bitch out. Just saying I might have to set her control freak of a self straight a time or two. See you at the weddings.....or you know stay tuned for scenes from them!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

U Smile

I think the reason I blog WAY less than I once did is probably because my life is not actually that exciting on a day to day basis. I know what a SHOCKER! But it has been a while since I have done a random things post. So here are a few things that have crossed my mind lately.

1. Have you ever read a post on my blog and thought "wow, why is that the title of this post?" Well that's because about 4 months ago I realized something. It takes to damn long to think up cleaver titles! Since I always listen to music when I write on my blog, I started naming my post the name of the song that is playing when I started writing. It's true, if I started writing this 5 minutes later than I did this post would be called 4th dimensional transition.... it just makes life easier.

2. Many of you know my bestie Bry. We spend a lot of time together. A lot of late nights talking and such. Most of the time he is the one who get super tired first and starts talking weird. It's a result of sleeping pills he takes. The other night, I was on the couch and he was on his lap top. I remember talking but at the time it seemed to make so much more sense.We tend to have our best conversations when we are tired....It might be because we are both to tired to worry about the others feelings.
Bry: "For us spending 36 hours a day together we get along pretty well."
Cathy: "We do spend infant amounts of time together.....there isn't 36 hours in a day."
Bry: "It's weird how well we get along"
Cathy: "Yeah, well it's probably cuz the only time I leave is when you are being a douche."
Bry (I don't think he caught on to the last comment of mine): "It's like the universe made sure we met. You know?"
Cathy: "I think the universe just made it so I can put up with you."
Bry: "No the universe made it so I can put up with....Stupid WARLOCKS!"
Cathy: "We do spend a lot of time together"
Bry: "That's cuz I loooove you and your my best friend"......"Cathy? CATHY!"
Cathy: "......Can we go to sleep yet? I am f-ing tired Bry."

3. Did you know that I can never spell because right when I type? I always spell it right when I am writing it. This is why, in grade 2 my teacher taught me a rhyme to remember how to spell it "Bats Eat Cats And Ugly Snake Eggs". To this day every time I write because I say that in my head. When I type I don't and I spell it wrong EVERY time......sad.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Goodnight Moon

It has been a long 3 months. Possibly the very longest. I had some pretty bad moments, there were plenty of tears shed. I never thought that my life could get any harder than it has been. But it did. Of course it did. Now that I am on the other side of it all, things are looking a lot better.

One night I went to sleep, before I laid down I looked out side and thought "Well, I hope things are really going to be better tomorrow." I went to bed, and the next morning things were different.

The first thing that got better was me. I have had issues with Bryan dating other people for a while. I couldn't figure out how to shake that feeling. You know that heart stabbing, angry, jealous feeling? I shook that feeling. I'm not really sure what changed.....I think it was just me who changed. I now hope he dates other people, it gives me a chance to have a break! I learned a lot from being with Bryan. That is something I don't regret. Bryan helped me find parts of me that I didn't know were there. And parts of me that had been gone for a long time. The most important things he taught me were: Honesty always, forgiveness, and that every one is just human and they need to learn just as much as I do form the situation.

Second thing that got better was my dreams. For a while I felt like I wanted to do nothing. A few days ago I picked up my camera, and went out to take some pictures, to waste time. Three hours later I was finished shooting, editing, and uploading them.  I flipped through them and realized something, I love this. Not just like this LOVE this. I have never in my life felt as good as I do when I am taking pictures. I love everything about it. I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that I will never ever give up photography. It is like a piece of me, that I just discovered.

Third thing to change was my attitude. I have always felt that if you laugh at it, it can't hurt you. At some point in the last three months I forgot to laugh. I honestly woke up a few days ago and realized, all those little things that were building up and destroying me, were actually pretty funny. So I laughed all day long, I laughed at every little thing that was meant to hurt me. Everything that was tearing me apart. You know what there getting better.

Fourth thing that I discovered. Was me. I started on this path to figure out who I really was a while ago. I didn't know me, I didn't know what I could do, who I could love, how I was going to live my life.  I spent a majority of this journey doing things differently than was expected of me. I moved in with a gay guy. I had a real relationship with a boy. I went to college parties, I played flip cup and beer pong. I fell in love with communication arts, and then with photography. I stopped loving a God that I didn't understand, and started looking for one that I do. I learned about all kinds of things. I found a best friend, who yes is often an idiot but who really cares about me. I learned about mental health. I learned about love, lust, and cheating.I learned to be honest always, and that I actually really love comic books movies. I am really happy with how I am living my life right now. And I am sure that my life will continue to change. That's the thing about finding your self. Your never your self very long, before who you are changes again. Things changes always, and continuously.

I know that this won't be the last time my life is going to be hard. I even know that it might be a lot harder. There are a thousand things I haven't lived and don't understand. And I know that I can do it. T and KC might have to save me a few more times. Mom might have to endure a few more phone calls that start like "Mom? *sob sob* every thing is shit! *sob sob sob*". Bryan might have to stay over months on end. Lucky I know they will be there. So ok, thanks for the life lesson God. I look forward to continuing to finding out who I am. Today, tomorrow, and forever.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


It felt like it was never coming, but finally things are getting better. And when I feel good, I take pictures!! Ready for the latest batch? You will be, I love them ALL!
I MADE IT!!!!! and now that all the bad is behind me, I'm ready for a future as beautiful as some of these pictures!