Monday, September 29, 2008

48 Questions

I stole these questions off of J's blog. I may be the only person who thinks filling these out are fun! Enjoy!

1. Do you like blue cheese? I can't honestly tell you. My Mom is a large fan of it, but I have never tried it. I'm sure it would be ok, I like most things.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin ? No, the words smoked and heroin never sounded right to me, why would you smoke a rare bird????

3. Do you own a gun? No, I do own "Bowling for Columbine" that should explain why.

4. Wax or Shave your body parts? Usually shave, But I have tried Waxing (Note to all: DO NOT wax after using sunless tanner! results are rather splotchy.)

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not truly, maybe thats because I cant remember the last time I have been to anything but the chiropractor.

6. Real or fake nails. Real is what I get, But if I could afford to get my nails done weekly I TOTALLY would.

7. Favourite Christmas song? Silver Bells

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Milk, I would prefer to drink milk all day long, glass after glass, To bad it's like white gold.

9. Can you do push ups? No,it's so sad, but I literally have no upper body strength.

10.What's your favourite piece of jewellery? My Josies Crystal necklace

11. Favourite hobby? Writing my blog, I definitely am in love with Blogging.

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Not diagnosed , but we all have a little ADD in us!

13. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? I'm extremely resistant to change, I dont hate it, I just have a EXTREMELY hard time doing it.

14. Middle Name? Eliza, legally, Zeta to my close friends

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? I wish my nose would stop being stuffy, I miss Cody to to to much, I wish gossip girls was on tonight.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, Milk, and Water

17. Current worry right now? If my vision for the future is really going to work out

18. Current hate right now? This stupid cold!

19. Favourite place to be? Don't roll your eyes but I really can only think of this one, with Cody.

20. How did you bring in the New Year? I am a huge believe in the whole "the way you spend New Years, is how your year will be." I tried to have a fabulous New Years but it ended up full of Drama, and me watching "Surfs Up".

21. Like to go? To Liver Pool to meet my Noah


23. Do you own slippers? Nope

24. What colour shirt are you wearing? Um a bright green band tee shirt and a black nightmare before Christmas hoodie.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Not at all, I think I'm the only person in the world who thinks satin is for blouses and NOTHING else. i hate how it feels on my legs.

26. Can you whistle? Yup

27. Favourite colour? It varies day to day but usually Red.

28. Would you be a pirate? Only if I had Captain Jack on my ship, but then it would be less about a pirates life and more about loving him!

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing in the shower usually but if I do its to what ever is playing on the radio as I'm in the shower

30. Favourite girl's name? Maggie

31. Favourite boy's name? Jude

32. What's in your pocket right now? i have no pockets right now

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Defiantly T's kids her youngest two are just abut the funniest things around!

34. Best bed sheets as a kid? I never had cool bed sheets, I remember ones with clowns and ones with bears. However I totally had an awesome beauty and the beast pillow case.

34. Worst injury you've ever had? When I sprained my ankle the day after I graduated.

35. Do you love where you live? Sure, I haven't been here long but I love it so far.

36. How many TV's do you have in your house? um I think 3 I'm not sure though ask T.

37. Who is your loudest friend? I would have never been able to tell you this before last month but hands down its Laura. That girl doesn't know how to be quiet.

38. How many pets do you have? Z-E-R-O but dreaming of a dog.

39. Does someone have a crush on you? I wish, and for the record if they do could they step forward it would be way easier to get over Cody if there was another man in my life.

40 What is your favourite book? I think its a tie between "Twilight" and "PS I Love You"

41. What is your favourite lollie? the free kind

42. Favourite Sports Team? I'm a conformer, so it changes.

43. What were you doing 12am last night? Waking up to blow my nose and breath a bit.

44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? The Fact that I was going to die from this cold and never get to live the rest of my life

45. Worst habit? ummmmmm....some say whinnying..I say worrying

46. Do you play an instrument? The Guitar

47. How long does it take you to get to work? I have no job, so pretty much all eternaty

48. Plans for the weekend? Um hope I find a job by then so I will be working.

49. If you could eat anything in the world right this second? a Deluxe pizza 73 pizza with lost of ranch.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Arising From The Ashes

First off I must give a shout out to Tiff. I cant even tell you how grateful I am for all you have done for me.
Second a shout out to the rest of my family. It was truly humbling to hear that you all cared so much. I am eternally grateful to you all as well.
As most of you should know by now, I have had a ruff month. But with A LOT of help from my family, and a bit from my friends (special shout out to Matea for being so great) I have lived through it. And have decided to start a new, In a new town with new people, new lessons and new experiences.
Yesterday I pulled out of everything. First was Classes. As I walked up to the building my stomach did somersaults. What if I was making a terrible mistake was all I could think. I did it, I dropped my classes. And as I walked out of my former school, i felt a weight slide off my back. Next was my job. I once again walked up to the building, the thought crossed my mind that I may be making a terrible mistake again, but after pulling out of classes I felt there was nothing keeping me here anymore. So I talked to my manager. Who took it EXTREMELY well. He wished me good luck, told me not to worry, and said he would give me an excellent reference.
I had already told 2 of my friends that I was leaving.
Cody took it the worse. He blames Will. I dont blame him really, I also blame will. If he would have just left I would have stayed longer. But in the end I still would have left, so I guess blaming does nothing.
But today, today was amazing. As I pack and place my life in boxes, I felt new. Like the girl that I thought I had lost, was really just hiding, tired of what has happened waiting for a spark of hope.
And now that I found that spark I can function. Every thing that was so hard last time I moved feel like a side note. And for once I can picture my life and see something big! not just confusion. Im going to be great. And getting out of here was just what I needed to begin.
Thank you Everyone. For caring and for trying. Things are getting better. And its all thanks to you guys (Especially You Tiff).
So I have arose from the ashes of the past 4 years. ready and willing to see the new life I have blossom in front of my very eyes.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Butt Naked and Im Up My Knees In Crap Situations.

sorry releasing a bit of emotion on this blog.
ok so here it is. no cover ups. Im just going to be pure Cathy.
I can not stand living with Laura and her Boyfriend Will. I didn't sign up to be a threesome. NO. I was suppose to be living with Laura. But then her BF needed to stay here till he found a now feels like he will never move out! For the place he has found to live is here, free of charge!
I really like will, but I find it disgusting that he feels its ok to have weed in my house, and I find it even worse that he smokes cigars on my balcony. I also hate that he comes back from the bar with his drunk friends, and then lets me make sure that dont wreck my house. I miss having the spirit in my house, I miss feeling safe. I completely took my self out of the world of drugs and alcohol, and now it is back. And i will not watch it destroy who I am again! I WILL NOT!
I also hate that since Will has moved in here, I have lost my Best Friend, It seems that she has become some form of a leach that hangs off his face or his waist at all times! I knew her standard had slipped but I really hate witnessing it over and over and over again!
I have also come to realize that it is impossible to be best friends with someone who has not an inch of the same moral values as you. Or it is for me anyways. I find myself becoming less and less of what I need to be and more and more of what I hate. I recently bought the book "P.S. I love you" I was thinking about it, I want friends like Holly, Friends that are just part of me in every way. I also would like to be a good person. Cathy+ Laura= no spirit, stupid in a bad way, no spirit. Bad Combo. Time to find someone new, someone to laugh with and to love but that makes me the best me I can be.
My house is a disaster. I know that those of you how knew me growing up will think "yeah your house has always been a disaster". HA. It really was. But the thing is I hate it, all the clutter all the dirt its just GROSS! (let me remind you that im not saying my house is a bit messy pity me, Im saying there are my room mates dishes covering every inch of my counters and floor I smell garbage and can find a place to sit with out clearing a space from the couch.) I know you must be thinking, well clean. HA! I did, just yesturday I did a batch of dishes and swept the floor and picked up my text books and such up. Guess what I left for a movie and 3 hours later my house looked worse than it did before I cleaned it. today I found a dead bug crusted to the toilet seat. which was up and filled with pee. MAN PEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! men are gross, my husband better hope he knows how to clean up after himself, and put the seat DOWN!
I have been finding refuge in Cody. HA yeah refuge. let us say that personal torture is better than the one in my apartment. I have recently found out that I have a obsession with Cody, I hate being away for him for any amount of time, Im always talking about him and always thinking about him. I am hopelessly in love with the boy. I have been for months and months. The problem is that as strongly as I feel for Cody, He feels for another girl. I listen to him for hours on end talk about his undying love for Andrea. I know that all of you are thinking you just need to tell him how you feel. I already did and i didnt beat around the bush thats so not like me. I said Cody as much as your in love with Andrea is how much im In love with you, maybe even more. oh Cathy you foolish foolish girl to think that anyone would love you back. Your own Father didnt love you, why would any other man. So there it is I even at one point asked him if I should still like him, cuz he was acting like I should but had never really said anything back to the Hey Cody im madly in love with you thing. He said I should stop. Thats hilarious, like its just that easy. I hate that it feels like he is in control of my emotions. and I especially hate that I cant run anywhere. I cant run home I dont have the money. I cant run to my apartment for super leach and her chain smoking rock star boyfriend, I cant run to Cody, I cant run anywhere.
For the first time in my life I am backed into a corner. And I desperately just want to scream, scream and scream and scream. And then run, run so fast and so far that no one can hurt me. I need that hero that someone to save me. Unfortunately I think the only one that can save me is me, and Im afraid i might not be strong enough to do it alone.

Friday, September 5, 2008

the students life

Oh September, time for fall to come a blowing in, time for sharpened pencils and new backpacks, for new shoes and old friends. Time for school!
In my city when September hits, you can tell. There is a fresh crop of newly graduated high schoolers roaming the city after orientation at the university or college. They come in all shapes and sizes, in all different ranks of good looking and interestingness. Some speak different languages some lived provinces away. But regardless of where they came from or what they are doing here, they all have one thing in common. they are students.
I happen to have joined the masses a semester ago, and am perfectly happy to be lumped in with all of the other discount getting, bus filling, students.
And so this week I started on the journey, my head filled with new ideas and excitement for new classes.
The first week in college is usually quite dry. They hand out a syllabus and poke fun at past classes, trying to lighten the mood, all the while hinting that you should NOT be like the fools in their last class. Something I have heard a lot of my teachers mention, is kids who have wandered into there classes by mistake, realize they aren't in the right place half way through, and don't leave, because it would be rude. Missing their real class and sitting in on a pointless one.
In fact just yesterday my teacher welcomed those individuals and hopped they enjoyed his class.
I thought this was totally dumb, as if you wouldn't just get up and leave. I would.
This morning I ran into my 10 o'clock class almost late for the first class. sat at the back and listened to the intro my teacher was giving.......10 minutes later it was clear to me that I was not in composition. And that this class I was in was very very much not the right class. I sat for a while contemplating what to do. the room was packed, not only had I walked in, in the middle of him talking but i had to run in front of the class to make it to an open seat. I had 2 options
A) make a dash for the door and hope this teacher didn't notice (unlikely due to the fact that he was standing in front of the door). or B) sit through this random class.
I chose B.
I have now become that example that everyone laughs at, at the beginning of each semester. I later found out my class was in that room just 2 hours earlier. However it was kinda nice to be in a class, and not have to take notes or really even remember things that aren't interesting. The teacher had some pretty interesting stories. Also a lot of interesting views on my religion. I was double relived that wasn't my class when I realized that he was one of the Mormon hating teachers I had heard of. Poor kids that raised their hands when he ask who was Mormon....I mean Christian (In his words) In the class.
Well happy September all. I'm sure I'm not the only one loving that school has started again!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Big BANG Theory

So let me start by saying that this has been one of the worse summers of my life. That maybe because I love summers, and usually jam them full of love and sun. And that this summer I was stuck in a hot sweaty bakery with Christine the manager from judgmental hell, and my best friends were all fighting. I was completely pushed away by my best friend, who I really needed. i was forced to deal with family issues (that was like a swift kick to the back of the head.) I was stuck in a house with a room-mate that was cool, and then turned into analrella. The first and only guy I liked here moved eastward.........the list goes on and on and on.
So needless to say this summer was in need of a hero.
About 2 months ago I realized I was way over my head, and had no way out. The only thing I could do was wait.....I hate to wait.......If you know me you would know I HATE to not be in control...... It was HORRIBLE!!!!!
And so since there was nothing I could do, and no way for me to know what was going to happen, I created the big bang theory.
The theory would be put into motion 2 weeks before I go back to school. When my best friend that pushed me away, left for two weeks.
All at this time I started the count down to the last day of full time work. That was great. It made me hate ever second of work more than the last.
Then I had to sit down and think about how to deal with Cody ( the best friend that pushed me away). Each day the Bang Theory changed.
One Day the Bang theory ended in me Running away to Saskatchewan. To deal with the family part of my summer.
The Next day The Bang Theory Had me telling Cody to forever stay away from me.
The Next day the Bang theory had me walking up to the boss from hell and very calmly telling her, that she is a crazy, psychotic ,bosszilla, and that she needs to find true happiness in her life.
The Next day the Bang Theory Had me forgiving Cody.
But regardless of what lead up to the Big Bang Theory I knew one thing. The Sunday before schools started the Bang would occur.
The Bang the solved this crappy summer, or the Bang that set me into a downward depressed spiral of tears and emotion.

it happened.
Sunday at 4 o'clock

So let me end by saying this way by far the hardest summer I have had in a long time. But in the end, everything was put into place. My heart no longer feels like it was put through a bread slicer over and over again. It is put back together, and has room for the new adventure that this year has for me to find. And even though all my Friends arn't at peace with each other, I made peace with them. And know I have to plot out a a new theory. the Cathy's Magical Life Theory, or the Everything Will Work Out Theory. the Chill or Be Chilled Theory.....