Wednesday, December 31, 2008

the new year.

2008 has been full of its ups and downs. there was love, and there was hate. Theres was heart ache and there was joy, theres was sstress and relaxation, there were good byes and hellos. and there were a handful of people that I owe everything to (you know who you are). In the last hours of this year I sit in my Aunts house, waiting to go to a dance with an old friend and a new friend, and I realize that even though some serious things happened to me this year, I am still here and still strong. Thanks to everyone who watched me, saved me, and told me when I was screwing up.

1.what did you do in 2008 that you have never done before? I explored the unknow, and lived my life for me. I sniff out new opertunities and broke my own heart. I lived, good and bad, but it was a real life.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for 2008? Once agian I made no resulutions....however the only resolution I made this year was to do T's weight loss challenge, and well I WAY lost out on that one.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2008? YES!!! Anika, had a beautiful baby boy Westley (who I have yet to meet).

4. Did anyone close to you die in 2008? Another yes, my Grandma Shipley passed away this year.

5. What countries did you visit this year? This year is rather pathetic, at least last year I went to the USA but this year.....nowhere but home.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Money, and perhaps a little more smarts, and a sence of direction of the big city.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? november 25th......Because thats the day I walked away from cody and changed my life.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? taking control of my emotions from Cody, and moving to the big city.

9. What was your biggest struggle in 2008? Trying to get into College in January, it was by far more dramatic than it needed to be, but so worth it. And the summer.

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury in 2008? other than a broken heart no.

11. What was the best thing you bought this year? its a tie between my Laptop and my favorite perfume (vera wang princess) the perfume only because it took me almost a full year to break down and spend that much money on a bottle of perfume.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I would have to say not to many people, but Elizabeth gets props for dumping Brett and finding her true love Eldon. Most of the people in my life got worse this year.

13. Whose behavior dissappointed you? its a tie between Stephs and Lauras

14. Where did most of your money go? I'm not entirley sure, but best guess is pointless crap.

15. What did you get really really excited about this year? David to come home.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? For the nights I cant remember-hedley, anything by Alexz Johnson, and Sing- Theo Tams

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: much happier, much nicer or richer? Happier 100%, Nicer probally not, and richer it probally evens out.

19. What do you wish you had done less of? dreaming, and obsessing over Cody.

20. Did you fall in love in 2008? yes

21. What was your favorite TV Program in 2008? GOSSIP GIRLS!!!!

22. What was the best book you read this year? The Twilight series hands down.

23. What was your greatest musical discovery this past year? That I can listen to whatever I want, and still be cool! oh and city and colour.

25. What was the best movie you saw this year? Seven pounds, sex and the city.

26.What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn? I turned 19, and I partied with my closest friends at the slice and listened to a Jimi Hendrixs cover band. Best birthday hands down.

27. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying? If I had never fell for Cody, and If Nolan had not moved away, mostly if Nolan never moved away cuz if he hadn't Cody would have never come.

28. How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year? The Scarf.

29. What kept you sane this year? Tiffany. Mom. God. (not necessarily i that order cuz no offence T I think God would have to go first! but just due the the whole father of the world thing)

30. What celebrity did you fancy the most? this year I developed my Earl Stevenson obsession, and Gerad Buttler obssesion, oh and Ew Westwick and of course Robert Patinson! But this year the man that truely won my heart was.....Edward Cullens.

31. Who did you miss this past year? Kristian.

33. Who were the best new people you met this year? Jessica, Blaine (note to readers I knew him before this year but I really only got to know most of my family this year).

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year.

This year the most Valuable lesson I learned is to have faith in myself too. That I can make it, I'm strong. Also that Famly is always there for you, friends isnt always were its at. That even the most impossible things can be over come. And of course even though I constantly stumble along the way god is there to pick me up, brush me off and push me farther.
I also learned this year that my father wasn't the monster I thought he was.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I said it would never happen.......

A few times in my life I have made the bold statement, "I will never do____"
Once it was "I will never move to lethbridge".
Once it was "I will never move to Calgary".
And Once it was "I will never go to BYU".
well I did move to Lethbridge, followed by a move to Calgary, and guess what now I am trying to get into BYU.
I guess I should stop saying never. It all happened while watching the RM over Christmas. A small voice said to me, go to BYU. Which was an answer to the question of the month. All month long I had been thinking, I dont know what I going to do with my life, I dont feel like Mt. Royal is the place to go, I don't even feel Europe is the place to go (which was a shock, because I always feel Europe is the place to go.) So there sitting on the couch with my adopted family it dawned on me, I need to go to BYU. I felt that I need to go to BYU Idaho, but of course because I have a passion to live in a destination that feels foreign, I decided to try for BYU Hawaii as well.

First step- Take the ACT's
this is a scary step for someone who has been out of high school a year and a half. But I payed for the test and prep courses so I might as well jump in with both feet. So once I take this test April 4th, I can apply to BYU.
Of course taking a test with a bunch of kids that started high school the year I graduated, didn't sound all that appealing to me. So I opted to taking it at the college in the bridge, due to the fact that the big city doesn't have any place to take the test.
So calling all math experts, science nerds and history buffs. I need some good tutors.

Monday, December 29, 2008


I'm back! and alive (barely it was a long trip). I could give you a play by play, but I was gone for over 10 days and well I just don't want to write that much. so here are a few Christmas highlights!

-David is exactly the same as when he left. Same corny jokes, same bad fashion, same conversation skills, same weight, same height, the list goes on. however he does help out around the house more. All my former thoughts of marriage to this boy flew out the window at the first science joke. Still as big as a dork as the day he left!

-Cody was not seen or heard from all through my Christmas holiday.

-High school friends that you didn't truly get along with all that well in high school, will still be equally as annoying. even when you haven't seen them for a year.

-Christmas presents are a lot more fun to get on Christmas. I happened to have opened the majority of my presents before I went home. Which was kind of upsetting on Christmas, when every one was so surprised to get a new camera or a new crock pot, and I was not surprised to get the same walmart 3 pack of lotion I have got every year for the past 3 years. I'm not complaining they did add a delightful melon sent to the pack this year. I'm just saying, it pays to hold off sometimes.

-Southern Alberta is always a good place to vacation when you would like to stay a little bit longer than you planned. Why is that you may ask??? because 85% of the time there will be some freak weather change like 5 feet of snow on Christmas day, and you will be stuck there, until the next freak weather change in a day or two. When the snow all melts in plus 16 weather.

-only at Christmas can you find room for 27 people to sleep in a 5 bedroom house. and only the dedicated try to feed them breakfast lunch and dinner for 4 days.

- It never seems to not shock me how other people have grown. Yes I am very different than the day I left my hometown, I have change a ton. But I never expect anyone els to change. And yet the phrase "look how big he's gotten" came out of my mouth at least a dozen times. And when I realized the nieces were both talking in full sentences and dressing themselves, It was kind of like discovering My lovely blond haired blue eyed little nieces had been abducted. people grow up even after you move away.

well I'm sure theres a lot more, but all in all it was a good Christmas filled with the people that I love. But I am more than happy it is over and I'm back in my bed. And that there isn't mass amounts of 4 year olds climbing up and down me. I hope your Christmas' where as good as mine. well maybe minus the food sickness that occured after BG took me for Chinese food on the way there! time to get back to life.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

one day

for those of you on my facebook page you should know that I leave for home in just one day!!!! it gets better after a visit with my bff BG, he decided that he would go to the temple on friday, and I offered for him to drive me home (with of course, a nice sum of cash for gas).
I know what some of you that know BG are thinking....good luck with that, 2 hours in a car with the deepest thinker on the planet. But it I would hands down chose 2 hours of mind stimulating conversation with my cousin/Bff, then have to endure 3 hours of hard seats no heat and random strangers that usually smell like something rotten. Plus I do like BG, so I' am rather excited.

Another reason to be excited is I have a job interview tomorrow. At an finances company! (this is really only exciting to me, and maybe T. cuz she had to put up with me applying for a billion jobs online and getting no calls back. well it took 2 months but it worked T! good thing we didn't hold our breathes!) So tomorrow I will brave the corporate world one more time, and attempt to pull my self out of the bra and pantie company and into the the world of Financial planning!
So I asked my manager today if I could leave a half hour early to get there with plenty of time. and she said no, of course. She followed that up with a, "you realize LaSenza expects your second job to work around your hours here." I almost laughed out loud.....but quickly saved my self with a"oh yeah of course."
As if I would tell that to a job that will pay at least 12 bucks an hour and give me perfect hours!

well this will most likely be the last post until Christmas. So Merry Christmas bloggers! hope you get what you wanted, and you feel the love this christmas.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

face the facts

so today marks the 5 day mark until I make the bus ride home to the bridge/hometown. I am excited for about a million reasons some being:
-I will get to see my bestest of friends that I haven't seen in two months.
-I get to see Elder Fox, who will be home from Idaho.
-I will get to spend Christmas with my other mother, who I miss.
-I get to hit up all my high school hang outs, including Dairy Queen and the temple grounds.
-I may or may not see the man I wanted to marry, who moved to Ontario.
-I will be receiving presents, which is always nice.
-foods always better at the holidays.
-I don't have to go to work for a week!!!
-I don't have to stress about Cody, and what will happen this time with us, cuz there is no us.

I am also nervous for a million reason, some being:
-I may or may not run into Cody, and since we are on the out, and since he has the maturity level of a 8 year old, it might get ackward.
-I may or may not run into the man that I wanted to marry, who moved to Ontario.
-I get to see Elder fox, who will be back from his mission in Idaho, who will also be different, and potentially judgemental.
-I may be a little over whelmed by the bridge.....I was last time. still don't know if I'm ready for that again.

but regardless of the facts, I am going. I am excited, and horrified, but I'm going.

I realized something today.....
I had a little situation in my house. My roomie Sam left her dog unattended in the backyard, for 3 days. on the coldest 3 days of the year in the big city. with no food. So since I tend to get worked up easily, with little convincing from my other roomies, who have put up with this kinda stuff from her for a while, I told her if she didn't come get in in 4 hours, it would be taken to the SPCA.

Now that seemed logical, leave your dog in the cold with no food for 3 days, it get taken away.

Then she called me crying.

Then I felt like a jerk.

Then she came home, and packed all her stuff, and told me not to speak to her. and then she left. And then I felt like a huger jerk.

BG called today in the middle of this.
his summery of the story was this.
"Your life is like really dramatic all the time."
If he only knew the half of it.
this how ever annoyed me. My life since leaving the bridge is 100% less dramatic. But still, did I create a situation that didn't need to happen, because I like drama?
I had to stop and ask myself. Was I the kind of person who likes having drama in my life. I always have my fare share of it, but I always thought it found me. But maybe I find it.
This was a sad realization, I don't want to be the girl who seeks drama out in her life.
This one comment in our half hour conversation is really the only thing that stuck out to me, even amongst all the rest we discussed, this was the only thing he said that was like "wow".
So from now on I'm keeping a look out for Drama. I did realize after my reflection period, that I totally created a situation that was dramatic. and I hated it. I feel so bad that she got hurt. When I thought I was just doing it to help a dog, who spent the last 2 nights foodless and cold. I guess from now on I will look at both sides before making rash decisions.

This weekend is the weekend all my roomies move out. Yesterday Shona left, and tomorrow Arianna and Court, leave. It is rather sad, I grew to love these girls. we had some fun times in the past month. But i'm sure I will have some good times with my new roomies.
I have been left as head of the house, but after more thoughtful thinking time, and some loud comments from my step father in the background of my conversation with my mother. I have realized that I don't really have a desire to be the head of the house. and so I plan on passing it to my roomie Naomi. who I A) trust and B) know will be more than happy to take over.
I came to the city to work on my issues......well this is my chance to give up some control. Which is hard for a control freak like me. But she can handle it and I don't want to.

Still haven't hear back from the Peru people. I'm kind of on the fence about this one. I guess once I know if I can go or not, I will have some serious thinking and praying to do. I know when my mom reads this she will be saying "YES! i did get through to her, she might not go to a foreign country!" well have no fear mom, your logic may stop me from taking off so soon, but it wont stop me from taking off! lol. I might just have to wait a year to turn 21 and then I'll try Romania instead.

well I guess thats it. 5 more days until i'm home sweet home bound. and it couldn't come soon enough.
Good Bye old roomies it been fun.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

This is Me

Today I did it.
Today I put one of my life dreams into course.
Today I applied to spend 3 weeks in March working with children in Peru.
Today I stopped talking about my life plans, and started living.
Today I decided that I am just strong enough to do this.
48 hours, and I will know if I get to make a life dream come true.
Peru here I come!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

gossip girl generated tears.

So if you dont know I have a slight obsession with GOSSIP GIRL.
it is the best show ever.
last night after work i settled in to watch the episode I had been dieing to see. and then it reached this part....

which was followed by.....

that was it I lost it.... you see I have always been in love with the character of chuck bass, and i have always related with blare. and when their love story stared to pan out, it mimicked Cody and I. this moment brought me to tears, I watched the last 3 months of our friendship play (slightly more glamorously) out in front of my eyes. but then this scene came.

the only difference is he never left a note.
I lost it, I called laura and cried and cried. And I realized that it always ends that way, I always wake up alone, I never save him. he just gets worse and worse and worse.
The End
so touche gossip girls, I don't know how you can read my mind, but you sure did, think I could make a cut for what happens next. it's a really empowering story.

Friday, December 5, 2008

11th day of Love

I will be posting videos (see the side bar) for some of the days of love. Today is about friendship. watch the trailer, rent the movie, feel the love from 4 best friends!

Thank Heavens its Friday!

So despite my best efforts to enjoy this week, it hasn't happened. The job just isn't doing it for me anymore. Two days ago I almost was flashed by a post baby mama, who was desperate to find out her bra size. Lady I have been trained to do this, so when I say you can keep your clothes on I MEAN IT! ew. as if i ever wanted to see that. ew. Besides that the words "Cathy if you don't put your head set on I will have to write you up" came out of my managers mouth today. Write me up? and say what? I don't have a headset on, so you had to do that bra fitting your self! or is it becasue I wont be up to date on every thing happening in Garage? cuz they sure talk alot on our head sets. I mean honestly the store isn't THAT big. and I feel foolish when I'm trying to help a customer and have to say "Um can you wait like two seconds to talk? I can't hear you over the other store which won't stop talking in my ear!" or even more foolish when my store starts talking to me and I start talking to them back, and the customers look at me like "Why is this chick talking about bra's to herself, man shes worked here to long!"
All in all I have to say that the fun of this job is officially worn off. Makes me miss the good old days at T's, where even though I was ready to pull my hair out with boredom, at least I wasn't being flashed by 40 year old women. T's good at keeping her clothes on, it's was Mr. O I had to look out for!

So one Missionary down one to go. Elder Fox comes home like any day now......not that I wrote to him that much lately. It's amazing how fast 2 years goes by. Theres a few things I hope this mission did For Elder Fox.
A) He learnt to clean.
B) He became more social...and less computer nerd.
How ever it is month 6 for Elder Hatch. I play a game with him, every month I send him some thing that represents how many months he's been out. month four was a post car of the beatles (4 beatles, 4 months) and this month is was a pink unicorn card that said "3+3=6" (I know creative hey!) either way when I stopped to think how many months its been since he left, I was rather flabbergasted. 6 months, that only leaves 18 months for me to get into a serious relationship or married, before he gets home, and I have to break it to him again, that I don't see him like that. I better get on that!

My little bro is at state championships for his high school football team tonight! go bulldogs! I am very proud of my little bro. I spent many days worried that he would grow up to be a video gaming pansy, who cried all the time. It is good to know that he became the opposite ( I'm sure the constant beating on him helped that!) but that isn't why I'm actually proud of little bro. mostly its good to see him do something he loves, and it's even better to see him live a dream. Now if I could just get him to keep the football video games in his room, where I never have to watch them again. Things will be perfect! lol. good luck little bro!

So tonight in the big city is the metallica concert. Lauraj, Wilbur, and Din are attending. Last night she texted "Hey can we crash at your place after the concert?"
the first thought was "um......nice of you to ask the night before."
the second thing that came to mind is "man how are the girls that sleep downstairs going to react when they come traipsing down the stairs, and see two rather large Indian guys, dressed in black, smelling of beer, laying on their floor?"
Of course, since in the words of Court "there are no rules in this house" I said yes. however after saying this I realized I don't really want them here. just lauraj, yes. But not the whole crew. it's hard enough to feed my self, let alone two stoned men. lucky for me she cancelled last second, leaving me to have a great night watching August Rush (HOLY CRAP! so good!!! I cried for like 10 minutes afterwards!) and spend the night with my soon to be departing favourite roomie.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Life or something like it

Well it's now been two months since I left the comfort of my old life, and started a new one.
to tell you the truth i haven't changed all that much, i just found what I was looking for. The only real change is in my emotions for people. but you all know about that. I just found all the pieces of me that I lost somewhere between my roots and my wings.
My mom use to talk about having roots a lot when I was younger. the thing she never mentioned is once your roots are firmly planted, they don't go anywhere. I was so afraid of losing my roots, that I lost my wings.
I have always been more of a free spirit, I always dreamt of having wings. And now I can. because my roots aren't going anywhere. At the end of the day where ever there is love there is roots. I thought I had to stay in Cardston to have them, then I came to the big city and realized they were here to. every time I talk to my Mom I realize I have them there to.
So I guess my advice would be, don't plant your roots in the ground, plant them in the hearts of the people that love you. Then no matter how far your wings take you, you will always have a home.
Knowing this has opened doors that have been close (emotionally) for me for years. I have always been a big dreamer, I always talk about travelling the world, writing books, painting the world, discovering cultures, and people. But I was so scared I felt like I couldn't do anymore than what I already was doing. Not anymore. Every morning I wake up and feel like I can do anything. The best thing about that feeling is that it is so true. Every morning I wake up get dressed and go to work, for eight hours I think of all the new things I could do with my life. Because I know that working there isn't for me.
I have finally discovered why I hate every job I have ever had. Every job I have ever done, has been pointless, what help am I to others folding panties? riddle me that. Would our world be a worse place if no one every hung a bra up? It might be a little more disorganized, but I think we would make it. I have hated every job I have ever had, because it has made no difference, in my life or any one elses. I'm not the kind person who find joy in doing pointless things. I can't believe it took me nearly 8 years of my working life to figure that out. So for now I will go on folding panties and hanging bras, but it will only be until I can find a new job that has meaning. I am already planning to spend a summer in Romania working in an orphanage (I have 3 friends over there right now, I'm planning on talking about how to do it with them). and while I save for that great life adventure I will keep working this job, until something more meaningful comes only.
on Sunday I was struck with a tid bit of knowledge in relief society, being single is a gift. this is time I have been given to do things to help others, to better my self. I am wasting so much time worrying about getting married, that I am letting the gift slip away.
I want to look back on these years and see how they shaped me into the mother and wife I want to be. Not look back and see all the time I spent falling in and out of love with stupid boys. I want to spend this time going from a girl to a women.
As for right now, every day is better than the last. I have family, I have friends, I have me, and I have the lord. What more could I ask for?

The Holiday Season

December is a busy month, people pile in and out of stores. Streets jam up with people hauling 5 pounds of extra weight around their arms. Post offices become a war zone, money flies from one hand and out the other. Snow starts to fall, and people realize that Christmas is coming up fast. I can always tell when Christmas is getting really close, especially in the city. Christmas=Money=Love. I have always been greatly apposed to the whole Christmas notions, but then again I have had people trying to buy my love since I was born. regardless, Christmas has always been about love to me. because even though I hate the busy, consumer driven crowds, I do love the Christmas Season. So This Christmas season I want to spread a little love.
So In honour of the 12 Days of Christmas I will be posting the 12 Love stories of Christmas. Love of families, love of friends, love of soul mates (I'm not going to lie theres gonna be a lot of the latter!)In hopes that this Christmas season you will feel the love, even while standing in a line that will take an hour to get through!
My First story comes strait from the pages of another blogger. Who I think is desperately fabulous! I stumbled across the blog "Clever girl goes blog" about 6 months ago, Tia is a brilliant writer by night, hair dresser by day. Last night I read a post she wrote that brought me to tears! I hope you enjoy her post, and please continue to read her blog shes a great writer and tons of fun!

I hope you love it as much as I did!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

The art of manipulation

manipulation is something I am terrible at. I have tried the puppy face, nothing. The crocodile tears, still nothing. I've tried about ever trick in the book. bottom line manipulation is not in my being.
Since I moved to the bridge i got slightly better at it. and since I move to the big city, I have gotten even better.
All of this was revealed to me last night. I had just got home from a crazy day at work, and was doing my usual facebook routine, when suddenly I got a message.
from who you ask? well try to guess.

let me back track a bit about a month ago I had a conversation with Cody, and told him I would always be his friend, there was nothing he could to do change that. I made a promise (to me a promise is like a sign sealed and delivered contract, not to be broken, I honestly cannot remember the last time i broke one.) Well I sure do know how to hang my self over and over again, don't I?
2 weeks later I had a deep desire to call it off all together, I would have traded my soul for a a way out of that gay friendship.
returning to last night.

Cody says: So Me and Andrea are friends again
Me: I know
Cody: How?
Me: I can figure things out you know.
Cody: yeah, but how
me: facebook
Cody: how on facebook
Me: It doesn`t matter
Cody: Humour me
Me: your status
Cody: see now how hard was that
Me: very
Cody: out of curiosity why was it hard.

this is the part of the conversation where I went, why did I say very I don't care at all. I just really wish he would stop talking to me!
And then It happened, it was like it was as natural as peeing (sorry that's the most natural thing i could think of at the moment.) I guess I picked up on how much Cody had manipulated me over the years. I said something purely for the fact that I knew he would react badly. but in no way what so ever felt like this.

Me: Cuz that means that I look at your profile, and still care about you as a friend, when you clearly don`t care about me as a friend at all. (notice all the ``as a friend`s`)
Cody: you know what I`m not doing this, F you. (but add an uck to that F)
Me: ok bye!

the conversation soon escalated more and more. I was saying these things that I didn`t even feel at all, just so he would get madder and madder. I knew just what to say to push each and every button he had. and I couldn't stop myself from doing it!
Soon I received a text message saying that he was sick and tired of this (still not positive what this was) and that he had had enough, our friendship was over. Those word set me free.
So I can keep my soul from the devil after all.
I quickly reply with ok Cody, but remember you chose this.
which was followed by swears and anger.
I quickly wrote him a facebook message saying all the things I had kept from him about me leaving the bridge. and then that was it
I am no longer legally bond to Cody Healy. wow that's great to say.
So my fine blogger fiends, If you get anything form this get these:

A) don't be hasty to sell your soul, eventually you can find a way out!

B) Manipulation is an art form that is easily learnt, easily used, and there for should only be used in times of need (see above statement)

C) This will be the last blog post about Cody (I hope!)his number has been deleted in my phone, his facebook profile deleted, all pictures and notes have been burn, so I am finally free to move on. He gave me my life back just like that.

D) I guess I`m going to need to find another man to write about, this time lets go with, not a manipulating jerk, and possibly could he be good looking fun and have a soul, and not attract drama like honey attracts pooh bear! cuz those were all things I miss out on by having Cody around.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The New Life

So things are pretty good.
I have a house full of amazingly amazing room mates. Each of them are the bomb (some more than others) I actually am going to miss Shona ans Arianna when they leave next month! I don't think I have ever laughed so much with anyone.....well thats a lie. i laugh so hard I'm close to peeing my pants with BG.....and T's pretty funny herself!
having good room mates makes everything so much happier! so here hoping the next batch of girls is as good as the last.
I also move out of this closet in a month and up to a big persons room! I have picked the smallest room of the 3 big rooms, but hey I don't have THAT much stuff! plus I like that it's brown, it matches the colour scheme of my bed.
Boy's are still looking pretty slim....however NP (my perfect man) did just break up with his girlfriend, now all he needs to do is get his butt back here from the far east and marry me and everything will be perfect! lol
The job is going good. I have just acquired a new manager from H-E-double L. but since I live on the complete opposite side of the big city, thats easy to fix. 2 words "Transfer please!" and I will be whisked away to a location far closer to my house! gotta love living far away!

Sunday, November 23, 2008


I remain undecided, was Twilight good? or was it bad? well it's not close to the amazing story that flows out of Stephanie Meyers pages. but it was a good attempt. I can't complain about it to much. I did break out laughing about a million times. I think the problem was the parts that were meant to be full of sexual tension in the book, came of as awkward on the big screen. which was, i must admit, funny, but not even close to how emotional the book is. all in all I give it 3 stars, and a high five for casting the perfect Edward and Jacob. but a dirty glare for making Bella seem so dumb!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It got old

Lately all lot has been getting old so heres a few things that are just getting old.

1. counting down to twilight. all my friends are seeing it tonight (losers!)so my excitement is rather lost cuz I know they will wreck it for me. and well to tell you the truth I love twilight, but it's just a movie. It's kinda like Christmas it's exciting for a few weeks but then its just not all that exciting anymore. so go enjoy Twilight!

2. trying to keep any kind of relationship with Cody. I thought well we can still be friends, I don't love him but hey, I did say I will always be here for him! I was wrong, not cuz I still love him no. Cuz he is stupid and blew up on me about going to a third world or some crap like that, when I told him he wouldn't go to Japan on his mission, because he only wanted to go there cuz his best friend is serving there. what I did not tell him is that I doubt he's even remotely worthy to serve a mission and most likely wont go on one.(I'm to Christ-like to say things like that) either way, I came to the conclusion I'm not just tired of loving him, I'm tired of him. He knows where I am if he needs me he can find me.I'm checking out of this stupid friendship.

3. Christmas music, I do realize there is still like a month to go, but I have been listening to the same 3 Christmas CDs at work for 2 weeks. I may have to shoot the next person that says "I love Christmas music!". It maybe that Christmas is my least favourite holiday, or it may just be that there is only about 20 Christmas songs known to man, and about 700 different remakes. either way Christmas music is getting way old.

4. Crazy people and buses why is it that only crazy people sit next to you on the bus?? why is it that edward cullens doesn't sit next to me on the bus and realize I am his bella? i look crazy? do I look like I care just how much money you spent on your meds this month, I know I do look kind, but kind doesn't mean I enjoy having a conversation about your lack of breast. And kind really doesn't mean I want to give you bra advice in front of all these people (especially that good looking one next to me) could you at least stop abusing your craziness and lower your voice! I mean I don't want to hear about your desired chest size, and that guy at the back doesn't either! there is no reason why you can't look out the window and not be crazy to me!

5. people that one text you. one texting goes like this
"Cathy guess what happened today!?"
Cathy: what?
I wait patiently for a reply, one hour goes by, two. then I text again:
"hello, what happened?"
three hours go by, four hours, and I give either A) had a good day B) saw something scandalous or C)something different happened but you were killed before telling me.....either way I'm not going to find out. so I move on with my life, but find it annoying.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Vampire Delight

So I do realize that this has nothing to do with the twilight movie, but I saw it last night and thought it was to cool. it was made for a "Breaking dawn" release party, I wouldn't want to eat it! I think its to cool, and for those of your who will attend my wedding in the future, don't be surprised if this cake is there! lol
oh and 2 days!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Q and A

Todays Twilight clip is 3 stupid questions, asked to the cast, and their answers. 3 Questions and 3 DAYS!!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

How It Feels To Be Over You!

Something I never thought I would get to write about! I'm over Cody! It is the greatest feeling I have ever experienced! EVER!
I have my Emotions back, he can't control them at all! and he hates it. But I love It!
How it feels to be over you, is kind of how it would feel to win the lottery. Or have a 67 mustang convertible delivered to my door by Robert Pattinson himself.
Getting over you is kinda the biggest thing I did EVER! moving on from you is kind of like kicking off the pair of shoes I wear to work that kill my feet. Be happy without you is just like breathing.
I do have to say the best part of being over that your still not over me. and how you react when I don't react. I maybe a little sadistic, or maybe I just like watching you try so hard to hurt me, and watching it slide off. The greatest thing is listening to you throw a tantrum, and having it not even effect me in the slightest.
This is how it feels to be over you, and it is amazing! I wouldn't give up how it feel to be without you, to be with you ever again. Because I have never felt so strong, i have never felt so in control, I have never felt so whole. and all it took was to let go of my feelings for you.
Being over you is realizing that I don't need you. and really believing it. Being over you is feeling like I am that girl I was before, the one who was strong and confident, the one who could walk into a room of people and walk out with 10 new friends.
Being over you is realizing that I'm to amazing, to beautiful, to free spirited to be with someone as hurtful and ugly inside as you are.
Being over you is freedom.


Just a picture today....I love that these two actors are so believable, I look at them and believe they love each other! 4 days left!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Edward is a Hottie!

Well if the boy who played Edward didn't own my heart enough as it is, I found a new reason to love Robert Pattinson......He sings like an angel!!! vheck out this song he wrote for the Twilight soundtrack! goodness I want to find me one of Him
Oh and 5 Days!

Saturday, November 15, 2008


So this is a song from the Twilight Soundtrack (Yes I bought it!)Its also by one of my favourite bands (Paramore)....Which i have to say Is pretty stellar. It also has never before seen footage of Twilight in it! 6 days left Twilight lovers!!! enjoy

Friday, November 14, 2008


As any true Twilight freak should know, the Twilight Movie (based on the Stephanie Meyers book Twilight) opens in 7 days! Because I a bit of a freak, and more importantly because Twilight is amazing I am starting the "Twilight Blog Count Down"! Each day I will post a new clip that has to do with Twilight to celebrate my excitement! If you haven't already, todays post was "Bella's Lullaby", watch, enjoy, comment, and share in the excitement of what in my personal opinon is the only movie I've ever been excited for! (Hey usually I have better things to do than sit around and count the days till a movie opens!)

Bella's Lullaby

So its 7 days until Twilight comes out.....ever wonder just what Bella's Lullaby sounded like? me to! this is the song from the movie sound track.....its also on repeat on my Ipod!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


don't waste your emotion on me he said, i don't care about your pain. I finally see, that even when i spent all this time convincing myself that you do care about me you don't. Why did I waste 2 years of my life wishing you would love me. Why did i not just love myself?
How could he think this emotion was wasted? When it wasn't my emotion that was wasted it was my life. What I felt for you it wasn't emotion. It was my everything. it was how I made it through, when my life was worth less than nothing.
And how could you let me do that? why didn't you walk away and stay away!? because your self fish, because you can't live with out me. but not because you love me, because I give my everything to you. I carry you. that's why you came back not because you love me, because I make your life that much easier.
I had to leave the place I love, the people I love because of you! do you know that? Not because Laura and Will were sleeping together. Because I loved you so hard that I was recking my own life. And you let me. You held me in your arms when i cried and then you let me think you loved me. You held my hand your played with my hair, you told Laura you would find a way to bring me back. Not because you love me, but because you need me.
Do you know that I have to mentally not let my self touch you. I have to convince myself days in advance that I wont hold you to long when we hug, that I wont put my head on your shoulder at the movies, that I wont let my hand fall into your when we walk. Days, of thinking how much harder it will be if I let those things happen to watch you go.
But for you those things are easy. They just happen because you like feeling my love for you, you feed off the fact that someone is crazy about you. It makes you a bigger man if a girl is in love with you. You don't care that I spend months after wards praying that I wont let you hurt me like that again.
You really thought your warnings meant something didn't you. Really thought that after that night that I lied in your arms for hours and hours that I wouldn't be impacted, just because you once said you didn't love me. Actions speak louder than words.
I can't believe that even after I moved miles away I find my self remembering you. thinking about how it felt to be held like that, thinking about every word said that night, every laugh every tear. thinking about the promises you made.
How could you be so self fish?
I thought once that how I felt for you was never a waste, even if you never felt that way to. I felt love was never a waste. but I was so wrong. every moment of sleep every tear drop that ran down my face, every minute of worry. It was all a waste. because here I sit talking to you about "her". And even know i think that the reason you feel different about "her" is me. I let you tell me how much you love her, I let you tell me how you feel like nothing with out her. and you have the nerve to say I could never understand? how dare you. I gave you my life, that's more than you ever gave "her".
But that's OK because at this moment I take it all back.Every tear, every moment I wanted you to just hold me, all of it. I'm done loving you Cody. I can't do it anymore. I can't waste this life God gave me. I have so much a head of me, It scares me to look at what I can be. That's why I hid behind my love for you.
I'm quiting you cold turkey. Your never going to be my perfect brand of heroin. You are no longer my Edward. I am letting you go Cody. Because I refuse to be like you. I have better things to do.
A life with no love would be better than what you can give me Cody. because I am tired of taking what I can get, I'm tired of settling for less than I deserve.
It wont be easy, it will be painful. But I am worth more than what you give me. good bye forever. from now on you end with friend. I can be strong with out you, I can be brave with out you. I am Safe with out you, but most importantly I am loved, really loved with out you.
Don't waste your emotions on me he said, OK for once I agree with you.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Thing About Room Mates

The thing about room mates is that they are always very unique. Always. My last room mates each had things that made them shine, and had things that made me want to kill them. But I loved them for the most part.
Now I get to discover room mates all over again! which I do enjoy (not even being sarcastic!) I love learning peoples personalities, I don't however like finding out that they are impossible to live with.

Any ways

My NEW and improved room mates!(For the most part)
right now there is 6 of us. all members (I think)3 upstairs and three downstairs.

Roomie #1 Courtnay...Don't know much about her, except that she is having a ruff time due to stress about moving to Utah in January... I don't judge her for that, been there turned into the super bitch as well. She seems like she is a rather cliquey girl, who doesn't mind new people terribly but you wont really be noticed until she learns to trust you. she is the ring leader of the house, and for the most part keeps to her self.

Roomie #2 Ariana....She is way cute, and way friendly. I've been here 4 days and have already been out with her twice. she is super random, she has one of those "Hey look at me" personalities. Which isn't bad. She is second in command, And is good at befriending just about anyone. She is also super glam. she has nice nice clothes and hair and make up. even after waking up she looks like she walked out of a seventeen magazine.

Roomie #3....It's sad but I haven't actually caught her name! she moved in the day after me, but got a big room...good thing I'm not picky or that could have pissed me off a lot! anyways shes really nice, and is here for a year on a visa. She is from either Ireland Scotland or Liverpool, I haven;t got a chance to sit down with her and chat yet. But I am most excited to get to know her. But from the little i have talked to her she seems super friendly.

That is the three upstairs girls.

Roomie #4 Candise....Shes nice, she keeps to her self, shes not a out there personality, but she can hold a conversation. Shes really nice, she's moving to The Bridge in January... the funny thing is when I first met her I thought "Wow she fits the bridge stereotype." I like her, she aspires to be a lawyer, and has a degree in sign language.

Roomie #5 Sam.... Sam Is interesting. the first time I met her was at church. She was wearing a short black leather shirt and a red plaid top tied up(she had a shirt underneath covering her stomach. and long blonde un showered hair, with black leather ankle boots. Not something you usually see at a mormon gathering. How ever I had a nice chat with her, she seem like she is very sure of her self. she is EXTREMELY real. But nice, we get along pretty well, but I also see some arguments in our future. Ariana filled me in on her. She was banished to the smallest room in the house in the basement, because of her dog. Which is not house trained and craps all over the house. and Is rather neglected (however she has been told the dog goes or she does). She apparently doesn't shower much and is a slob. of course I was a little shocked today when I was making dinner and she came prancing through the house in a skimpy towel she was holding together in the back. Not that I don't run through the hall every morning with a towel on....but then again I did just get out of the shower. and I'm not wandering through the house. She never did take a maybe she was just airing herself out? either way it was a little shocking.

despite the interesting personality traits of each of these girls, I'm really liking it here. I hope it will only get better, since 3 girls are moving out In January that means I will have 3 more personalities to experience. Oh well at least I get to move up to a big room!

The nice thing about not knowing any of these girls before hand, is that it will take a while for them to learn enough about me, to give life pointers....which was a frequent problem with my last room mates!

7 things

It maybe extremely sad that I can relate this song....due to the fact that its by Miley Cyrus, and that these girls in the video are like 14. but I do! oh well...I guess love is the same no matter what age 14 or 47 it still brings out your best and worse emotions.


Remembrance Day, I do realize that this is a day to remember fallen solders and their fight for our freedom. But on Remembrance Day I often skip that part, I am very grateful for them men and women that fought so I could sit here and freely express myself. I would not even want to imagine a world where I couldn't tell you that I don't support war, and violence. A world where I couldn't have the freedom to support a greener earth, and all the morals and values I have embraced. So don't get me wrong when I say for me Remembrance day is a day for me to remember a man who meant a lot to me.
My Grandfather Roy Coppin, served in WW2. And because of that Remembrance Day has become my day to remember the life of my Grandfather.

My Grandpa died when i was 14, but I lost him long before that. he went in for a surgery to save his life, and it saved his body, but not his mind.
The greatest honour I ever had was when I found out the even though he lost basically all of his memory, he remembered me and my brother. my Grandpa was not a Good father, but he was the perfect Grandpa. I never felt un-loved when he was around.
He use to carry one of those money dispensers that hold loonies and twoonies. Every time he saw my or my brother he would give us a dollar or two. he was always full of hugs.
He was the only Grandpa I ever knew, and he made up for the fact that I never got to know my Grandpa Shipley's love. He had enough love to fill both spots.

My favourite Memory of my Grandfather in his last years, showed that even though he was slipping away part of him was still there.
I was visiting my grandparents, and my Grandpa was in pretty bad shape (he was moved to a home about 3 months later, his memory basically gone) I was left home with him while my Grandma went shopping. He was really easy to watch, because he would just lay on the couch and watch channel 2 (the news channel that you have to read) for hours. I was sitting next to him reading a book, and he looked up. He looked at me and said "Hunny where's Elenor?" I stopped and looked at him and said "She is shopping Grandpa." which was followed by his response, "Dam women always spending my hard earned cash on useless crap!" which was followed by a few more curse words, and then snoring.

My Grandpa was amazing man, and even though he made many mistakes, he will always be someone I hold dear to my heart.

And so my remembrance day is filled with good memories of a grandfather friend and solder. Someone who played a small role in the war, but a large role in my life.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

My perfect kind of drug

I don't know what to do. It seems it has all been solved but one problem, the hardest one. Please don't leap out of your seats I'm fine. I just need advice from anyone.
How do you stop loving someone?
I realize that I told most every one I was on the road to getting over Cody. but that was a lie.
How do you break a habit that is worse than drugs?
I want to move on, I do. I want to find Mr Perfect. I know Cody isn't it. So why does it still feel like I can't live with out him?
Why is my biggest fear that he will say sorry, live your own life, I don't want you in mine anymore?
Why do I think that out of everything that has ever happened to me, that would be something I could never live through?
Why am I so pathetic!?
Please some one tell me how to get over someone you would lay your life down for?
I wish I could say that I know one day I will be over him, but the truth is I don't think I could ever kick this habit, but it's the one habit I want more than anything to get rid of.
So you Lover birds out there any advice?
I wish I knew why he is in my life, and why I know he is meant to stay there.
oh love isn't it grand!

Friday, November 7, 2008


How a scared, small town girl; who felt broken and hurt became a new women; ready to take on the big city and meet new people.

The feeling that you FINALLY turned your life around, am look at the girl you once were and smile that your a billion times better now.

The process of making a new life for yourself.

Over coming those obstacles that were holding you back, and letting the traumatic hard experiences shape you into a new person.

Putting your life in Gods hands and saying "I'm ready for you take take control, let's make this life great!"

I got a job! and I'm looking for a place in the big city as I type.....Things worked out, huh go figure! well it's funny how good I feel, It's like I transformed, all it took was the words "Can you start Monday?" I so ready to get this life going it's ridiculous! wish me luck bloggers I'm on my way to great things!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The List

The List was made up a long time ago.....Each of my room mates and I sat down and made a list of men, that we could never have, but wanted so badly. We all decided that once we were married we would give the list to our husbands and explain that this is what he beat out! not that any of us would be hooking up with A listers anytime soon! In honour of my ex-roomie getting engadged I have brought the list out! So this is my list......Enjoy (I know I do!)

Mark Walberg

Patrick Dempsey

Johnny Depp

Gerard Butler

John Travolta

Jim Strugess

Shia LaBouf

Jacob Hoggard

Robert Pattinson

Ed Westwick

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Note to Self and others

I need to start off by saying thank you.

Thank you to T, for harbouring me in her house for the last month, for feeding and encouraging me. For laughing and showing me what being in a family is like.

Thanks to BG, who has made me feel like his best friend since I got here. For pushing me to do what he thinks is right (turns out it is usually right). For staying up to late to help me out this weekend, and for dragging me to every church activity he could shove in 3 days. For driving me around the big city to look at listings for apartments, while listening to me the whole time (well minus the moments he was making up retarded songs.)

Thanks to Aunt J and Uncle J....first to Uncle J for being my adviser, for trying to get me to think as logically as possible, and for always having a smile on your face. But mostly for caring about me like one of your own even though I'm not. And to Aunt J thank you for loving me and welcoming me in your home. No questions asked, no judgement. Thank you for understanding what I'm trying to do and for helping as much as you can.

Thank you for being the strength in my life all of you.

Ok so I have been searching, pondering, planning and failing for the last month. But not until this weekend did it seem I was ready for what I want. BG told me once that after each traumatic time in our lives right before we are about to embark on something life changing there is a lag time.
Oh the knowledge that come out of that mans mouth. A month of lag time, a long hard month of lag time. A whole month of me thinking I could do it and getting so frustrated when I couldn't.
Note to Self: stop pushing the lords time to blend with my time. it's stressful and not worth the hassle.

So I at last turned to the lord this weekend. I kind of ran out of places to turn. I turned to T and Uncle J and Aunt J, I turned to friends and distant family, no one seemed to be able to help despite all of their efforts. I was mixed up, there were just to many options, to many things I was scared to miss out on. I felt like a wall had permanently been built in front of me. BG gave me a blessing, this helped. Didn't solve my problem, but I wasn't expecting it to, It took that confusion away so I could figure out how to bulldozes that wall down though.
Note to Self: stop using the lord as a last resort, will save many tears and frustrations.

Since that night I have been a clear minded individual. Idea's that I never expected to think have been running through my head. The courage that I felt was lost forever has seemed to come back. I have made friends! real friends! I feel like the person I have been struggling to be for a month now.
Note to Self: you can do anything see. stop questioning your abilities and just trust in the lord. Now get out there and do them!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

To A Friend

Sometimes I understand you.
Sometimes the way your are makes perfect scenes.
Sometimes I understand why you feel like you can't trust me.
Sometimes I can see a spark of what you think about yourself in your eyes.
Sometimes I want to run. To not love, to not try. That would be easier.
Sometimes I can feel you hurt. Even from miles away.
Sometimes I don't blame you for still holding on to what you were.
I should be able to understands being afraid of your past.
Sometimes I can't.
Sometimes I try to relate to you, but it never works out. The only thing I truly understand about the way that you are, is your mother. I understand the Hell you see every time you are forced to confront her. That is something that I breath everyday.
Sometimes I wish I could save you. To take you into my arms and protect you like a child.
Sometimes I think it's possible to be the one to save you. Just like that.
Sometimes I cry for you. I know the healing power of a tear. Unfortunately my tears for you, change nothing.
Sometimes I spend hours searching for the answers to your pain, but never seem to find them.
Sometimes it scares me to imagine darkness in this world, because I often find it hard it see through the light.
Sometimes I spend hours praying that you feel love. Love from me, Love from him, and Love from you.
Sometimes I know he watches over you. When your bones should be broken, when you should be dead.
Sometimes I know it's for me he watches you.
Sometimes I know it's for you.
Sometimes I look at you and all I can see is my own broken heart.
Most of the time I look at you and can only see yours.
Sometimes I know you love me.
Sometimes that makes thing worse.
Sometimes I find it in my being to forgive you.
Sometimes I can barely breathe between all the pain you cause me.
Sometimes I think I can stop loving you.
Sometimes I am right.
Sometimes I know that even when you say you don't, you still need me.
Sometimes you are so wrong it scares me.
All of the time I am here waiting to catch you, Hoping to strengthen you, Praying to save you from the man that steals you away.
All of the time you are loved in secret or in truth.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween

So Halloween is my second favourite holiday. I thought hey why don't I share just a few things that make it so great with my fellow bloggers!
So get ready for Art @ Hearts top 10 Halloween Favourites!

1.Lets start off with horror movies! I am a large horror movie fan. always have been. I love the classics, so tonight on my movie watching list are:

"Nightmare Before Christmas"
-I am aware that this more is about Christmas and that it isn't "scary". But it is a tradition every Halloween and Christmas that I watch it! and who doesn't want a little Tim Burton in their Halloween???
"Interview with a Vampire"
-This is by far one of my favourite vampire movies, besides the fact that it is just all around good, it has loads of extremely famous actors and actresses. Tom Cruise, Brad Pit, Antonio Banderas, Christian Slater, Kirsten Dunst as a 10 year old and many more.
-I love this movie, I thought the plot was highly imaginative. I totally didn't see the twist at the end. apparently i am the only person who didn't totally get this movie right off the bat, but hey! Once again there are loads of famous actors and actresses in this one! if nothing its fun to see them in their 90's glory.
"Nightmare on Elm street"
- By far the greatest horror movie ever made! and full of cheesy old special effects. No Halloween night would be complete without this classic!

2. CHOCOLATE! need I say more......I will candy in general, I love gummies and sours but mostly chocolate. (I am a girl you know!)

3. Vincent Price. By far one of the best original horror movie stars. Makes my list, his mix of talent and all around creepiness makes him a perfect candidate to spend a spooky night with!

4. "Vincent" a short fill by Tim Burton

5. Lenore the cute little dead girl and her friend Ragamuffin (the enslaved vampire)

6.Edgar Allan Poe

Ghastly, grim, and ancient Raven, wandering from the Nightly shore,-- Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore! Quoth the Raven "Nevermore!"
7. BeatleJuice

8. The adams family

9. Thriller

10. Vampires (cuz who doesn't love them a little Edward Cullen???_

Thursday, October 30, 2008

the endless search

so I'm on week four of my new life. And i got to say even though I am happy, I'm starting to feel rather hopeless.
I have yet to find a job. 4 weeks of searching for a job....nothing. family connections, desperate companies. and nothing. NOTHING.
I am really confused, I have no idea why I can't get a job. but it's a rather crappy feeling.
I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm running out of money. I'm running of things to fill all this free time. I just want to be doing something with my time. But it seems that I can't! grrr.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I need to figure it out soon.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

One Word

01. Where is your cell phone? in my lap
02. Your significant other? none
03. Your hair? brown
04. Your mother? Loved
05. Your father? Gone
06.Your favourite thing? Romance
07. Your dream last night? Death
08. Your favourite drink? Milk
09. Your dream/goal? Love
10. The room you're in? Bedroom
11. Your fear? Loneliness
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Bed
14. What you're not? Warm
15. Muffins? Carrot
16. One of your wish list items? Jacket
17. Where you grew up? Everywhere
18. The last thing you did? Ate
19. What colour are you wearing? Black
20. Your TV? PS I love you
21. Your pet? none
22. Your computer? Laptop
23.Your life? New
24. Your mood? Relaxed
25. Missing someone? Cody
26. Your car? none
27. Something you're not wearing? Socks
28. Favourite Store? Old Navy
29. Your summer? Emotional
30. Your favourite colour? Green
31. When is the last time you laughed? Today
32. Last time you cried? Monday

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Holy Crap and much more vulger expressions.

So my weekend in The Bridge.

not easy to sum up that experience......but I'll try. I'll give you a play by play.

Day One- Friday
I get into The Bridge at 515....laura meets me. Cody does not ( of course). I call him, not even mad just wanting to know if we would see each other at all that weekend. He went to Calgary.

Side note: I don;t know if you know how infuriating it is to go visit your friends, and have the one you really want to see in the town you live in!

I being so Christ like, forgive and forget and make my way on over to Matea's house to parrrtay, and get ready for a YSA dance. We go to dinner with Steph, go to dance. have about the most fun i have had in a LONG LONG time. oh and I find out that my ex roomie/ friend since grade 4 is engaged. Did a happy dance with her. I'm her Maid of Honour! um woot that made my life, I knew I was loved! lol. I go to Laura's to crash, go to bed about 3am after much laughter with Din.
Friday was by far the funnest night I had.

Day two- I wake up at 7, I went to bed at 3 so I have no idea why my body felt it needed to be up at 7. but it did. so I walk around, think about how bad I hate Cody some days, get this way over whelming feeling...freak out a bit....wake laura up and tell her she must entertain me. We go downtown and meet up with My newly engaged friend, and go ring shopping, dress shopping, cake shopping, invitation shopping and just about every other thing that can be shopped for, to do with a wedding. that was a blast I wont lie. By the end of the day I was ready to call up an old friend and tell him we needed to date, cuz I really wanted to get married SOON. lol. lucky for him ( and me) that wore off.
Later on that day Blake showed up

Side Note: I haven't seen Blake in about a year, so it was a reunion of epic proportion.

We had a blast all of us together, started watching "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"............. wasn't what I was expecting. ew transvestites.
Then came the drunkenness I had been waiting for. It surprisingly didn't piss me off as much as usual. Din being rather drunk picked a fight with a rather large women in the parking lot, managed to explain to me and Laura about why he liked us. (the main reason was that we were white). he then taught us how to make fry bread, and through Laura's black glossy heels off of the balcony on to the front lawn. In days past this would have really pissed me off.......Saturday night I found it hilarious, and enjoyed every bit of it.

Day Three- Sunday
Went to church with Matea, I hate her singles ward its rather lame. I had far to much time to think.......this was the day things took a turn for the worse. I was tired, Steph blew me off. So I spent the whole day talking about life with laura and watching gay 1940s movies. on top of that I knew Cody would be back Monday.....emotions were high about seeing him.

Day Four- Monday
I woke up and asked my mom to check my was all down hill from there. After a long cry about how my life seemed to not be going anywhere in my new town and how I missed my friends, I was convinced to go talk to Steve. I hung up and went to talk to Laura...............which ended in me bawling about not being able to handle seeing Cody.
the afternoon consisted of Me meeting up with Cody and having fun. and not having as hard of a time as I thought. Mostly I think seeing him happy, after he's been miserable since I left, made me happy.
By then End of Monday emotions were high, confusion was higher and anticipation for today was at a max.

Day Five- Tuesday
i went to Calgary to see Steve.
had a panic attack about using Calgary Transit.
Got balanced
used Calgary Transit
Came home....back to my safe, happy house of screaming little kids and yummy food. Oh how I missed each scream and stomp. (I'm not even being sarcastic.)

So this vacation is 50 50.
50 % makes me want to swear words I don't even think are English.
50 % makes me smile so big its scary.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

if you get eaten by a will be a pike.

So let me just stop and brag for a moment....since I left The Bridge, I have lost 6 pounds!!!!

Speaking of The Bridge..I'm heading that way tomorrow. I have been sitting around for a while now, and since I have got about as far as I can go with out a job. So I'm going to spend some time with the people I love, but left behind.
NOTE: I am not in any way shape or form planning on going back. I love where my life is going. I love living with T( for now) and I DO NOT I repeat DO NOT want to go back.
But I'm sure I will have all sorts of stories after these few days to blog about. And on top of that I have pretty high hopes that Cody isn't even going to make the journey across The Bridge to see me. (oh Cody I wish I had to say more, But I believe these readers already know).

I hope that for some magical reason jobs will decided to call me back, just because I am out of town. I do have to say that is in the top 5 reasons to go to The Bridge this weekend.

So about my title. I came about today T left little J and O with me for a little bit this afternoon. O wanted to read stories, he brought out this book. Something to do with a boy who wanted to be a duck, and turns into a duck. This Drake tells the boy/duck that he could have been eaten by a pike. This really struck to O, he wrote a note to his mom about being eaten by a pike. When I asked O what it said he replied " If you get eaten by a will be a pike. And that will be bad, cuz pikes have teeth."
I thought that was just way to cute. However I also have applied the logic of this 4 year old to this weekend.

I was swimming in a pool full of piked out there in The Bridge. I was slowly getting eaten by them, and was slowly turning into them. I finally feel like I'm not a pike anymore...... so I need to be extra careful that I don't turn back into one.
If you get eaten by a will be a pike.
Good advice O.............

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I'll Walk You Home

I recently discovered this song. It is an amazing song. The Lyrics up lifted me in a time a HUGE need. Music is the rhythm of my life, I can say it best through music.

Slow down,
What's on your mind?
It's alright,
I'm on your side.
I hate to see your injury.
I wish you could transfer all your pain to me.

Stay here, it's okay to cry.
Let me help you make it right.
Let's turn up the radio.
Let the band remind you that you're not alone.
We all get low.

Even the brave they depend on someone
The moon only shines with the help of sun
And it's not as safe when you're walking alone
I'll walk you home.

Sun's out but it feels like rain.
So I will illuminate your day.
I'm afraid I'm losing it.
What's it gonna take for me to get through this?
We'll get through this.

Even the brave they depend on someone
The moon only shines with the help of sun
And it's not as safe when you're walking alone
I'll walk you home

Need the band to play the song,
Someone sent to keep you strong,
It's harder when you're on your own,
Success is not the same alone,
Can't have up without the down,
Need the strength to have the round,
I'll provide the harmony,
Your song is best to company.

Even the brave they depend on someone
The moon only shines with the help of sun
And it's not as safe when you're walking alone
I'll walk you home

This song I would like to give to each person that has "Walked me home". I can't do it alone. This weekend I realized just how many people I have to "walk me home". My heart is so full of love for each person that reads this blog, each word of concern and advise whispered, cried, or typed to me. I LOVE YOU. I need ever inch of your love, and can't tell you how much it means to me. I hope that I can some day repay you all for what you have done. But if I never get that opportunity in this life, please know that it means more to me than you can understand.
And if you ever need someone to "walk you home" I'm here.
I can't think of a better month to realize everything thing I have. A month for Thanksgiving. Thank you, each of you, you know who you are. And if you don't you will.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Goal Week 2

Ok so if you remember I have a goal. Lose one pants size in two months.
I've done pretty good, I did the running three times this week. I didn't do so swell with eating. I'm trying to keep the calories down. It is really hard to do, when your home all day, surrounded by yummy. yummy food.
But even though I haven't lost anything, I haven't gained any thing either. So no damage done for this week. Even though not losing any weight was kind of a let down, I have discovered that I really enjoy running. The feeling you get after your done is so great......and it's a whole half an hour of just me out side. Thanks T for talking me into it. Now here's hoping next week I can lose a pound or two!
But for this next week I'm going to kick it up a bit.
Week 2 is going up from running 3 times a week to 5.
Walk one minute, 10x run one minute, walk one minute.
I'm also going to cut sugars out this week, It will be hard! but it must be done!
this all starts Monday. Wish me luck!

Monday, October 6, 2008

This is what I feel

I had a lot of time on my hands this past week. For thinking, Improving, and remembering. Even though I think it may seem I have locked my self away in my room, I haven't I just need this time to get back to the way I once was..... alone.
This is the best decision I have ever made. Not a regret in my mind.
so heres a few things I feel and a few thing I have learned this week.

1. I truly miss my old life, I look at pictures of the people that loved me for so long, and almost cry. But watching them from afar has been one of the most earth shattering event in my life. They are the same with out me. I don't need to hold them together, they are them without me. And I am me without them. Heavenly Father knows whats best. I trust that they will be alright without me. I'm forever renouncing my mother roll with them, I'm letting go of my control. And picking up the reigns of my own life.

2. Cody is so wrong for me in every way. It is so easy to not be blinded when I am miles away. Finally I'm not lost in a maze that he has left for me to walk through alone. At last I can see my future, and for once I can be happy without him.

3. For along time my Grandma has been sick, but soon she will be in a better place. And as she gets worse and worse, my faith shines through. I'm so excited for her to be in the arms of the people that she loves. I'm so happy that she can look in to the man she loves eyes. I'm am over joyed that she can hold her mom and dad, and her daughter in law, her grandson, the babies that are to come into our family. But most importantly I'm humbled that after all this time she will be with her heavenly is a miracle, every breath, every moment. I am so greatful to have Her in my life, she will always be in my heart.

4. At the end of last month I felt like I had lost my courage, i was beaten and torn down. the beginning of this month is so different I can't even explain it. The deepest pit is reached by light some where.

I learned this week:
- That its in the Lords time not mine
- The family is stronger than friendship
- children, no matter how much time they spend screaming, have a beautiful innocence in them, something that seems to be missing in the grown up world.
- Job hunting is still frustrating
- TV can suck your life away
- Music can still bring beauty into moments when you want to cry
- friends can make you smile no matter how far away they are
- running give off amazing endorphins!
- inner beauty shines out.
- you never know how much you have touched a life until their gone, and vice versa.