Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween

So Halloween is my second favourite holiday. I thought hey why don't I share just a few things that make it so great with my fellow bloggers!
So get ready for Art @ Hearts top 10 Halloween Favourites!

1.Lets start off with horror movies! I am a large horror movie fan. always have been. I love the classics, so tonight on my movie watching list are:

"Nightmare Before Christmas"
-I am aware that this more is about Christmas and that it isn't "scary". But it is a tradition every Halloween and Christmas that I watch it! and who doesn't want a little Tim Burton in their Halloween???
"Interview with a Vampire"
-This is by far one of my favourite vampire movies, besides the fact that it is just all around good, it has loads of extremely famous actors and actresses. Tom Cruise, Brad Pit, Antonio Banderas, Christian Slater, Kirsten Dunst as a 10 year old and many more.
-I love this movie, I thought the plot was highly imaginative. I totally didn't see the twist at the end. apparently i am the only person who didn't totally get this movie right off the bat, but hey! Once again there are loads of famous actors and actresses in this one! if nothing its fun to see them in their 90's glory.
"Nightmare on Elm street"
- By far the greatest horror movie ever made! and full of cheesy old special effects. No Halloween night would be complete without this classic!

2. CHOCOLATE! need I say more......I will candy in general, I love gummies and sours but mostly chocolate. (I am a girl you know!)

3. Vincent Price. By far one of the best original horror movie stars. Makes my list, his mix of talent and all around creepiness makes him a perfect candidate to spend a spooky night with!

4. "Vincent" a short fill by Tim Burton

5. Lenore the cute little dead girl and her friend Ragamuffin (the enslaved vampire)

6.Edgar Allan Poe

Ghastly, grim, and ancient Raven, wandering from the Nightly shore,-- Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore! Quoth the Raven "Nevermore!"
7. BeatleJuice

8. The adams family

9. Thriller

10. Vampires (cuz who doesn't love them a little Edward Cullen???_

Thursday, October 30, 2008

the endless search

so I'm on week four of my new life. And i got to say even though I am happy, I'm starting to feel rather hopeless.
I have yet to find a job. 4 weeks of searching for a job....nothing. family connections, desperate companies. and nothing. NOTHING.
I am really confused, I have no idea why I can't get a job. but it's a rather crappy feeling.
I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm running out of money. I'm running of things to fill all this free time. I just want to be doing something with my time. But it seems that I can't! grrr.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I need to figure it out soon.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

One Word

01. Where is your cell phone? in my lap
02. Your significant other? none
03. Your hair? brown
04. Your mother? Loved
05. Your father? Gone
06.Your favourite thing? Romance
07. Your dream last night? Death
08. Your favourite drink? Milk
09. Your dream/goal? Love
10. The room you're in? Bedroom
11. Your fear? Loneliness
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Bed
14. What you're not? Warm
15. Muffins? Carrot
16. One of your wish list items? Jacket
17. Where you grew up? Everywhere
18. The last thing you did? Ate
19. What colour are you wearing? Black
20. Your TV? PS I love you
21. Your pet? none
22. Your computer? Laptop
23.Your life? New
24. Your mood? Relaxed
25. Missing someone? Cody
26. Your car? none
27. Something you're not wearing? Socks
28. Favourite Store? Old Navy
29. Your summer? Emotional
30. Your favourite colour? Green
31. When is the last time you laughed? Today
32. Last time you cried? Monday

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Holy Crap and much more vulger expressions.

So my weekend in The Bridge.

not easy to sum up that experience......but I'll try. I'll give you a play by play.

Day One- Friday
I get into The Bridge at 515....laura meets me. Cody does not ( of course). I call him, not even mad just wanting to know if we would see each other at all that weekend. He went to Calgary.

Side note: I don;t know if you know how infuriating it is to go visit your friends, and have the one you really want to see in the town you live in!

I being so Christ like, forgive and forget and make my way on over to Matea's house to parrrtay, and get ready for a YSA dance. We go to dinner with Steph, go to dance. have about the most fun i have had in a LONG LONG time. oh and I find out that my ex roomie/ friend since grade 4 is engaged. Did a happy dance with her. I'm her Maid of Honour! um woot that made my life, I knew I was loved! lol. I go to Laura's to crash, go to bed about 3am after much laughter with Din.
Friday was by far the funnest night I had.

Day two- I wake up at 7, I went to bed at 3 so I have no idea why my body felt it needed to be up at 7. but it did. so I walk around, think about how bad I hate Cody some days, get this way over whelming feeling...freak out a bit....wake laura up and tell her she must entertain me. We go downtown and meet up with My newly engaged friend, and go ring shopping, dress shopping, cake shopping, invitation shopping and just about every other thing that can be shopped for, to do with a wedding. that was a blast I wont lie. By the end of the day I was ready to call up an old friend and tell him we needed to date, cuz I really wanted to get married SOON. lol. lucky for him ( and me) that wore off.
Later on that day Blake showed up

Side Note: I haven't seen Blake in about a year, so it was a reunion of epic proportion.

We had a blast all of us together, started watching "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"............. wasn't what I was expecting. ew transvestites.
Then came the drunkenness I had been waiting for. It surprisingly didn't piss me off as much as usual. Din being rather drunk picked a fight with a rather large women in the parking lot, managed to explain to me and Laura about why he liked us. (the main reason was that we were white). he then taught us how to make fry bread, and through Laura's black glossy heels off of the balcony on to the front lawn. In days past this would have really pissed me off.......Saturday night I found it hilarious, and enjoyed every bit of it.

Day Three- Sunday
Went to church with Matea, I hate her singles ward its rather lame. I had far to much time to think.......this was the day things took a turn for the worse. I was tired, Steph blew me off. So I spent the whole day talking about life with laura and watching gay 1940s movies. on top of that I knew Cody would be back Monday.....emotions were high about seeing him.

Day Four- Monday
I woke up and asked my mom to check my was all down hill from there. After a long cry about how my life seemed to not be going anywhere in my new town and how I missed my friends, I was convinced to go talk to Steve. I hung up and went to talk to Laura...............which ended in me bawling about not being able to handle seeing Cody.
the afternoon consisted of Me meeting up with Cody and having fun. and not having as hard of a time as I thought. Mostly I think seeing him happy, after he's been miserable since I left, made me happy.
By then End of Monday emotions were high, confusion was higher and anticipation for today was at a max.

Day Five- Tuesday
i went to Calgary to see Steve.
had a panic attack about using Calgary Transit.
Got balanced
used Calgary Transit
Came home....back to my safe, happy house of screaming little kids and yummy food. Oh how I missed each scream and stomp. (I'm not even being sarcastic.)

So this vacation is 50 50.
50 % makes me want to swear words I don't even think are English.
50 % makes me smile so big its scary.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

if you get eaten by a will be a pike.

So let me just stop and brag for a moment....since I left The Bridge, I have lost 6 pounds!!!!

Speaking of The Bridge..I'm heading that way tomorrow. I have been sitting around for a while now, and since I have got about as far as I can go with out a job. So I'm going to spend some time with the people I love, but left behind.
NOTE: I am not in any way shape or form planning on going back. I love where my life is going. I love living with T( for now) and I DO NOT I repeat DO NOT want to go back.
But I'm sure I will have all sorts of stories after these few days to blog about. And on top of that I have pretty high hopes that Cody isn't even going to make the journey across The Bridge to see me. (oh Cody I wish I had to say more, But I believe these readers already know).

I hope that for some magical reason jobs will decided to call me back, just because I am out of town. I do have to say that is in the top 5 reasons to go to The Bridge this weekend.

So about my title. I came about today T left little J and O with me for a little bit this afternoon. O wanted to read stories, he brought out this book. Something to do with a boy who wanted to be a duck, and turns into a duck. This Drake tells the boy/duck that he could have been eaten by a pike. This really struck to O, he wrote a note to his mom about being eaten by a pike. When I asked O what it said he replied " If you get eaten by a will be a pike. And that will be bad, cuz pikes have teeth."
I thought that was just way to cute. However I also have applied the logic of this 4 year old to this weekend.

I was swimming in a pool full of piked out there in The Bridge. I was slowly getting eaten by them, and was slowly turning into them. I finally feel like I'm not a pike anymore...... so I need to be extra careful that I don't turn back into one.
If you get eaten by a will be a pike.
Good advice O.............

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I'll Walk You Home

I recently discovered this song. It is an amazing song. The Lyrics up lifted me in a time a HUGE need. Music is the rhythm of my life, I can say it best through music.

Slow down,
What's on your mind?
It's alright,
I'm on your side.
I hate to see your injury.
I wish you could transfer all your pain to me.

Stay here, it's okay to cry.
Let me help you make it right.
Let's turn up the radio.
Let the band remind you that you're not alone.
We all get low.

Even the brave they depend on someone
The moon only shines with the help of sun
And it's not as safe when you're walking alone
I'll walk you home.

Sun's out but it feels like rain.
So I will illuminate your day.
I'm afraid I'm losing it.
What's it gonna take for me to get through this?
We'll get through this.

Even the brave they depend on someone
The moon only shines with the help of sun
And it's not as safe when you're walking alone
I'll walk you home

Need the band to play the song,
Someone sent to keep you strong,
It's harder when you're on your own,
Success is not the same alone,
Can't have up without the down,
Need the strength to have the round,
I'll provide the harmony,
Your song is best to company.

Even the brave they depend on someone
The moon only shines with the help of sun
And it's not as safe when you're walking alone
I'll walk you home

This song I would like to give to each person that has "Walked me home". I can't do it alone. This weekend I realized just how many people I have to "walk me home". My heart is so full of love for each person that reads this blog, each word of concern and advise whispered, cried, or typed to me. I LOVE YOU. I need ever inch of your love, and can't tell you how much it means to me. I hope that I can some day repay you all for what you have done. But if I never get that opportunity in this life, please know that it means more to me than you can understand.
And if you ever need someone to "walk you home" I'm here.
I can't think of a better month to realize everything thing I have. A month for Thanksgiving. Thank you, each of you, you know who you are. And if you don't you will.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Goal Week 2

Ok so if you remember I have a goal. Lose one pants size in two months.
I've done pretty good, I did the running three times this week. I didn't do so swell with eating. I'm trying to keep the calories down. It is really hard to do, when your home all day, surrounded by yummy. yummy food.
But even though I haven't lost anything, I haven't gained any thing either. So no damage done for this week. Even though not losing any weight was kind of a let down, I have discovered that I really enjoy running. The feeling you get after your done is so great......and it's a whole half an hour of just me out side. Thanks T for talking me into it. Now here's hoping next week I can lose a pound or two!
But for this next week I'm going to kick it up a bit.
Week 2 is going up from running 3 times a week to 5.
Walk one minute, 10x run one minute, walk one minute.
I'm also going to cut sugars out this week, It will be hard! but it must be done!
this all starts Monday. Wish me luck!

Monday, October 6, 2008

This is what I feel

I had a lot of time on my hands this past week. For thinking, Improving, and remembering. Even though I think it may seem I have locked my self away in my room, I haven't I just need this time to get back to the way I once was..... alone.
This is the best decision I have ever made. Not a regret in my mind.
so heres a few things I feel and a few thing I have learned this week.

1. I truly miss my old life, I look at pictures of the people that loved me for so long, and almost cry. But watching them from afar has been one of the most earth shattering event in my life. They are the same with out me. I don't need to hold them together, they are them without me. And I am me without them. Heavenly Father knows whats best. I trust that they will be alright without me. I'm forever renouncing my mother roll with them, I'm letting go of my control. And picking up the reigns of my own life.

2. Cody is so wrong for me in every way. It is so easy to not be blinded when I am miles away. Finally I'm not lost in a maze that he has left for me to walk through alone. At last I can see my future, and for once I can be happy without him.

3. For along time my Grandma has been sick, but soon she will be in a better place. And as she gets worse and worse, my faith shines through. I'm so excited for her to be in the arms of the people that she loves. I'm so happy that she can look in to the man she loves eyes. I'm am over joyed that she can hold her mom and dad, and her daughter in law, her grandson, the babies that are to come into our family. But most importantly I'm humbled that after all this time she will be with her heavenly is a miracle, every breath, every moment. I am so greatful to have Her in my life, she will always be in my heart.

4. At the end of last month I felt like I had lost my courage, i was beaten and torn down. the beginning of this month is so different I can't even explain it. The deepest pit is reached by light some where.

I learned this week:
- That its in the Lords time not mine
- The family is stronger than friendship
- children, no matter how much time they spend screaming, have a beautiful innocence in them, something that seems to be missing in the grown up world.
- Job hunting is still frustrating
- TV can suck your life away
- Music can still bring beauty into moments when you want to cry
- friends can make you smile no matter how far away they are
- running give off amazing endorphins!
- inner beauty shines out.
- you never know how much you have touched a life until their gone, and vice versa.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

The Goal

So new life, new house, new city, new everything sounds like time for a new GOAL!
Heres the deal..... lost 2 pounds since last time I checked. My jeans are to big, the next size is to tight!
Goal 1- By December first I will fit in to the next size down.
Thanks to my new life, I have a new support. T is really big into running. I like running, I personally spent 90% of the time at the gym, on the tred-mill. (when I went to the gym!)
3 times a week. I have a Program.
10 weeks (hooray just in time for snow!)
Week One starts tomorrow
Walk one minute
6x Run one minute, Walk two minutes.
Run one minute
Walk one minute
Thats it 3 times a week, 14 minutes.
Hope I can stick to it! Time for some changes, plus what else am I going to do, until I find a job!
Lose a pants size by December I think I can do it! you should try it to!

Friday, October 3, 2008


I stole this off a friends profile on facebook. I liked it ( or more I liked what he said, due to my secret crush on him!)lol

Things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now.

1. - WHY are you screaming?
2. - please just give me this fabulous job!
3. - I know you felt it to! stop lying.
4. - I'm finally HAPPY! Thank you I owe it all to you.
5. - The girlfriend boat docked for you months ago, so this is me being a FRIEND!
6. - I most definitely have liked you since I was 8.
7. -Some times I feel like you talk to me like I'm still 6.
8. - Please, I only need one shadow, and its not even sunny today, so today I need none.
9. - I have realized you + that mohawk are meant to be, you just aren't you with out it.
10. - Juice boxes are the best thing in life, next to boys!

NINE things about yourself.

1. I'm always way emotional, good and bad.
2. I LOVE to laugh, I want to laugh all day long!
3. I read a lot when I don't want to deal, I read a lot of romance when I want a change.
4. I need music to make it through a day (see 1 &2 for reasons why)
5. I aspire to be a glamorous kind of woman, in high heels and designer jeans.
6. I'm to cheap to be as glamorous as I want.
7. I hate gross smells. In the air or on men.
8. I really can't stand most movies that aren't Chick Flicks or Comedy
9. I have a rather sick obsession with home renovating shows and makeover shows.

EIGHT ways to win your heart.

1. Romance
2. A sense of humour
3. Understand me or at least try
4. Smell good
5. Music (play it or love it)
6. Be passionate
7. Talk to me, don't let me talk to you and that's it.
8. Hugs

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot.

1. Am I going in the right direction?
2. Will I ever find somebody to love? that loves me back?
3. Why do I keep doing this?
4.Why are they all SO DUMB!?
5. What else do I need to be doing?
6. Will I ever know what to do with the rest of my life?
7. Why am I so undecided?

SIX people who mean a lot to you.

1. Tiff
2. Mom
3. Blaine
4. Cody
5. Laura
6. there's to many to pick just 6. so everyone else.

FIVE things you do before you fall asleep.

1. Read scriptures
2. Roll around a bunch until my bed is totally messed up.
3. Think about life, make up a new life.
4. Read a book
5. Think about the next day.

FOUR things you're wearing right now.

1. 1 green "Cute is what we Aim for" T-Shirt
2. 1 well worn "Nightmare before Christmas" black Hoodie
3. 1 pair of over sized old navy jeans
4. 1 worn out black leather belt

THREE songs that you listen to often.

1. Twist in My Story- Secondhand Serenade
2. Now that we Done- Metro Station
3. I still Love You- Alexz Johnson

TWO things you want to do before you die.

1. See the World
2. Find true Happiness

ONE confession.

1. I am always searching for something.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

A new kinda thinking

I have spent the past 6 days in this weird place. A place between my old life and my new. kinda like I was on a vacation, from life. I now have realized this vacation, it doesn't end. Having the mother of all colds didn't help much either. The first 2 days of my new life, I was so sick i felt that I was going to die. ( note to the readers: I am a wimp and can't handle sickness, I don't get sick much, so when I do it's always WAY bad.) While laying in my bed trying to find a way to blow enough snot out of my nose to take just one tiny breath, I didn't have a lot to think about. So natural the thing that encompasses my mind the most, is what continued to do so.
how much i love Cody
how much I miss Cody
everything shes doing wrong
everything shes doing to Will
The list goes on i think you get it. I spent the first few days in almost break down form. Sick, stressed, and ready to run back to my old life. Last night was bad. I semi got into a fight with Cody. Then I wanted Laura's help but instead of giving the advice i asked for, she just went to hang out with him. This drove me crazy, I WASN"T IN CONTROL! and i had no way of being in control. I stayed up way late, rolling it around in my head, I was so heart broken I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to go home!
And then I figured it out. How am I to ever change all the things I need to change, if I'm thinking about the past. If I'm trying to control things that have nothing to do with me. AND if I'm spending all of my energy on controlling Cody, and Laura, what energy do I have left for changing me. The whole reason i left there was to change me, not them. So here's a new kind of thinking. From now on its about me.
First step: setting goals
Second step: push my comfort zone
third step: make new friends
fourth step: never look back
So here I go to a better life!