Friday, January 25, 2008

the hagus

ok so first let me apologize to anyone that reads this..... which is most likely no one. my last few post have been over lame. but i was stressed when im stressed i use the most simple of terms to get my point across. some time i think it would be easier just to type. CODY YOUR STUPID! and leave it at that. any ways moving on.
today was the first time i attended friday forum.....for all you non-southern Albertans out there, friday forum is a church class, that happens on friday you pay 2 bucks you get lunch and a spiritual moment. anyway.... so matea basically forced me into going. im glad she did. the food was crappy oh well but the speaker! ok im not going to say i was uplifted at all.
but i never wanted him to stop talking. heres a few reasons.
1 he was rather good looking
2 he had just stepped off a plane from Scotland, and had this amazing Scottish accent that just like serenaded my soul.
3 he was funny, but not the drop a joke thats cheesy funny, the like make fun of people for being dumb funny with out offending. (but lets be really as if a man of such fineness would offend any one!)
so i have falling in love with a Scottish man! lol...... trust me i have no shot, but i can dream. its funny but i kinda just lumped him up there with johnny depp and jacob hoggard.

I guess i can tell you about school. i still love it. i had my first couple of test today and i made some really observations about college.
1 college is alot harder than high school. just because your teacher doesnt talk about it in class doesnt mean it wont show up on an exam.

2 nothing is simple in college, like instead of saying "Class tomorrow will be a test." they say EXAM. it makes it so much heavier. and teachers no their not teachers their professors.

3 people in college are all different..... i dont know what i was expecting.... but im use to everyone being moderately the same, just degreeing in whorishness and coxyness. not here though everyone has a story that is different.
other than a few stressful moments of this week im still in love with college.

i am so glad that the months are going by fast. i so done with living in the house im in, and with the people. i dont mind laura and ve. but i think 5 is to many. i think 4 or 3 or 2 would work but 5, 5 girls is far to many girls to expect to live in Harmony together. it just wont happen. i have this dream of steph actually deciding that she wants to live in lethbridge, and me and her moving in together. i wish thats how it would go but i have this gut feeling it wont. its sad i've lost alot of touch with the foxes since i've left....... i just feel like a burden on them sometimes. but its ok i do have my own family, that has since i've officially been crowned a grown up, stepped up to the plate a lot more.

being single, i thought i'd just touch on this. in my house every time i get a phone call (which is beyond rare) someone goes is it a guy? and i laugh and say hey mom! i honestly was lying in bed last night thinking..... i hope heavenly father doesnt think i can hold out till im like 26 cuz im thinking marriage like by 21..... and let me tell you i dont think i can handle it. that 7 years of aloneness is that even fare?????!!!! but today as i sat glued to this Scottish boy something snapped in my head..... im busy i mean im getting my frist degree in 2 years and then i plan on going to England to get a BA....... that is really busy and it will take up that whole 6 years. so my position on being single has changed thanks to school. i dont think im destine to be in love anytime soon .... so do hold your breath for a invite..... cuz i would like to think im going to be overly smart! lol. what ever it will happen one day.

so this is the events of the week or so..........................

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

the year in review.......

  1. did you do in 2007 that you have never done before? I graduated. It doesn’t seem big but it was. I was scared it might not happen for a while. It was the end of something great. But the beginning to something better.

    2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for 2008? I didn’t make resolutions. I never do. If I make them, then I can fail. If I do not make them, and it happens by chance then SCORE! Mostly I live my life one step at a time I set goals through the year.

    3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2007? Um…… not truly.

    4. Did anyone close to you die in 2007? Yes. My aunt Linda passed away this year. She was like a second mom in a way. No matter how far away she is though I know she is still there for my family.

    5. What countries did you visit this year? The great US of A! and of course home sweet home Canada.

    6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Money! Lol. That would be nice. Id rather have my very first real relationship in 2008 that could be an adventure.

    7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? August 24. the day I moved into my first apartment.

    8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Theres a few. A. graduation. B. not falling back into partying ( it came close) C. having my first boyfriend. They all tie as my greatest achievements.

    9. What was your biggest struggle in 2007? My biggest struggle….. it was my 18th birthday and 2 months after. I went a year of being sober. On my 18th I took a shot. And for the next few months I struggled not to fall back into it.

    10. Did you suffer any illness or injury in 2007? YES! I fractured my ankle the day after graduation.

    11. What was the best thing you bought this year? The best thing I bought this year…. Um I would have to be my new cell phone.

    12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Cody Healy. He discovered the gospel. He gets eternal gold stars.

    13. Whose behavior dissappointed you? I hate to say it but it is a tie between Laura and Stephy. Their worth so much more thyan they treat them selves.

    14. Where did most of your money go? I was blown on pointless things. Buta big drain was moving out on my own. And Calgary trips.

    15. What did you get really really excited about this year? Billy Talent concert. I think I have never been so excited then that day. I was literally pee my pants excited about meeting anti-flag and going to my first real concert.

    16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Chamillionair- ridin drity (gay I know but it’s a long story) and cassie- fly leaf.

    17. Compared to this time last year, are you: much happier, much nicer or richer? Happier about 6 million times. Nicer, I’d like to think so. Richer, NO…. im in college. Tat should sum richer up.

    18. What do you wish you had done more of? Time. Time goes to fast.

    19. What do you wish you had done less of? Loneliness.

    20. Did you fall in love in 2007? Yes. 2 times. Once with calvin my first boyfriend. And then blake. (P.s. biggest accomplishment in 2008 getting over blake!)

    21. What was your favorite TV Program in 2007? Ha if I ad TV in 2007 I could answer that. But no dice.

    22. What was the best book you read this year? The last 2 harry potters

    23. What was your greatest musical discovery this past year? Punk music in general. Anti-flag, AFI, flyleaf< style=""> I wanted to figure out what to do with my life

    25. What was the best movie you saw this year? Its either enchanted or across the universe.

    26. What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn? I rented a hotel room and partied with friends. It wasn’t my crowing moment. And I turned 18.

    27. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying? If I had never had to do grad committee. And if I could have worked on my relationship with calvin not just dump him.

    28. How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year? My fashion statement may have to be my black misfits shirt, with the blood dripping down and the misfits skull. I love it. No one else does.

    29. What kept you sane this year? Meeting cody. And having steph. And my mom.

    30. What celebrity did you fancy the most? Well of course there is always my beloved Jacob hoggard. But then I discovered chris 2 from anti-flag, he is oh so sexy. Channing tatum…. Yes he was a good discovery this year.

    31. Who did you miss this past year? At some points I really missed my mom. After I moved out I miss stephy and cody like crazy. I still miss all of them.

    33. Who were the best new people you met this year? Cody Healy. Will Mcginus. Nolan Pozzi. Mick Johnston.

    34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year.

This year I learned that heavenly father is sanity, safety, and most importantly love. And this year as I learned to let him in to my life, my life started to make scene. He kept the ones I love safe. And he directed me to where I needed to be, in everyway.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

in a new day

its funny how emotions change from day to day. all wit in 1 day my feelings towards Cody have changed.
i started out thinking i was the victim. that i had been wronged. that e didn't love me and tats way e was treating me like this. i hated him. i hated him going back to calgary.
and then it changed.
then i felt it was my fault. i hated me, for telling him the truth. for wanting him to see, so that he could change. i was self fish, i didnt want him to leave.
and then it changed.
now i dont know what to think. i dont. was it wrong for me to want those things? was it wrong for cody to be mad cuz i was going out?
either way it comes down to this.
we were bot wrong. we were both hurt. and we bot reacted wrong.
and so my apologies and his silent treatment. it wont help. it was all a emotion driven mistake.

Friday, January 4, 2008

the night of heart break and new desitions

tonight was a hard night. i wish i could explain it but truly I'm just tired of talking about it...... i do however want to tell you how i feel at this very second. because it is a mix of so many feelings that i don't know what to think.
first I'm full of anger...... anger for how i have been treated by someone i love. he hurts me with out even knowing. no that's a lie. I'm not lieing for him anymore. he knows. he knows that at this very moment its killing me that i didn't drop my whole life for him. and he knows that because it is taking him so long to get here its killing me even more. but he doesn't care. about me. about my feelings. anything. and that is the anger in me. lets call this anger CODY.
Then there's the girly crush side of me. i can explain this one. cuz no one cared to ask about this one. me and Elizabeth went out with Craig tonight. i like him....... and its fun to have that little flicker of joy in me right now. its keeping me sane. every time i regret going instead of staying. i remember how much fun Craig was. and so this feeling i'll call Craig.
then theres the lackof sleep. im wiped but ere i sit because of cody. 2 hours after when he was suppose to be here. and so i call this feeling stupidity. stupidity, cuz i should have been asleep an our ago.
i feel like my head has been shaken up. and no matter of talking or typing has made me feel better. not even a little. not even an inch.
so heres to you bloggers. i hope you are smarter tan me.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

never a dull moment.

up date on my crazy new years weekend.
on Saturday i truly did not want to go to work. so for the second time ever, i called in sick. it was so great. Brett came up from Calgary, and brought his guitar hero game. so i played that, me and will, and Laura made breakfast. and was just all around lazy. at last at about 9 o' clock decided that i needed to take a bath. and took a relaxing bath. i got out and went to bed at 10 o'clock. completely relaxed. so nice. at 12 o'clock, will came rushing into my room.
"Cathy wake up! its an emergency. Cody needs you!" and hands me his cell phone. Cody was on the other end. Cody explained to me that he was on his way to surprise me, and ran into a check stop about 5 minutes drive from my house. the cops were going to tow is car if he didn't find a licenced driver to drive the car. due to the fact that Cody only has a learners. he needed me to come pick him up. so i shot out of bed in a complete panic. i ran around got matea to drive me to the check stop. i made it there by 12: 05. i jumped out of the car in the middle of the high way. where i had made matea stop, and ran to Cody. i was completely freaked out i was shaking and still half asleep. not to mention the fact that it was freezing and i was in just my pj's. the cop released his car to me and i drove it home. and so was the adventurous start to my weekend. but with Cody life is always a little dramatic. i love him. he's like a brother to me. a brother that needs to be slapped a few hundred times. but all in all it was a fun weekend. i miss Cody all the time, and worry about him even more than that. I'm not even sure i should write about this kid on the Internet....... but he's part of me. and this is a place where i show who i am. so let me tell you about my relationship with Cody.
i have this weird emotional connection with this boy. its not romantic at all. it is like he is my brother/ my child/ best friend. its so weird we talk like best friends, we act like brother and sister (actually i have been told we act like and old married couple.) and i worry about him like he is my kid.
he is always in trouble. and he always has to be secretive. about everything, EVERYTHING!!!
for a long time i hated his other friends James and johnny. he choices them over me, no matter what. no matter what i did i could never compare to what James did. but this visit was a bit different. James turned into a little bit of an ass, and the funny thing i was mad at him for treating Cody like that. even though i knew that if he was normal with Cody, Cody would have ditched me completely. now though i don't hate James, cuz i kinda think Cody has noticed that we would drop everything for him. unlike James.
Cody drives me completely crazy, and yet is my favorite person. he can be the biggest jerk and if i try to tell him he makes me feel like a jerk. we argue all the time, and in the end i end up hugging him. he is the worse driver but i wouldn't want to be in the car with anyone else. he is so stubborn but always makes complete scenes. and most of all he is like me in boy form.... in to many ways. i can hate some thing and Cody will make me like it, i can think something and Cody can explain it so i don't think it anymore. it is an insane skill. and yet i never had someone that loves me so much.
its just so weird it blows my mind.
happy new years bloggers lets make 2008 better than the rest.