Friday, January 4, 2008

the night of heart break and new desitions

tonight was a hard night. i wish i could explain it but truly I'm just tired of talking about it...... i do however want to tell you how i feel at this very second. because it is a mix of so many feelings that i don't know what to think.
first I'm full of anger...... anger for how i have been treated by someone i love. he hurts me with out even knowing. no that's a lie. I'm not lieing for him anymore. he knows. he knows that at this very moment its killing me that i didn't drop my whole life for him. and he knows that because it is taking him so long to get here its killing me even more. but he doesn't care. about me. about my feelings. anything. and that is the anger in me. lets call this anger CODY.
Then there's the girly crush side of me. i can explain this one. cuz no one cared to ask about this one. me and Elizabeth went out with Craig tonight. i like him....... and its fun to have that little flicker of joy in me right now. its keeping me sane. every time i regret going instead of staying. i remember how much fun Craig was. and so this feeling i'll call Craig.
then theres the lackof sleep. im wiped but ere i sit because of cody. 2 hours after when he was suppose to be here. and so i call this feeling stupidity. stupidity, cuz i should have been asleep an our ago.
i feel like my head has been shaken up. and no matter of talking or typing has made me feel better. not even a little. not even an inch.
so heres to you bloggers. i hope you are smarter tan me.

No comments: