Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A new year is around the corner

Ok all as you may or may not know, every year I do a New Years questionnaire. The past two years it has been the same one, but this year while filling the same old one out, I decided NO I need a new one! So I did a little net search and came up with this one. It is a little less deep and more fun! Which is what I am trying to be. Can you remember 2000? Y2K? I remember, on new years eve 1999 my Mom left us with our baby sitter. We stayed up and waited for the count down. She turned the radio on and we counted down to 2000. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1! Happy New Year! Celebrate came on and we danced around the kitchen together. I can't believe it's been ten years.
So good by 2009, you have been a horrible and amazing year.

1. Will you be looking for a new job? Not that I know of, I for once am more than happy doing what I am doing (most days). Plus the 50% discount on clothes sure doesn't hurt! But if something better come around, so be it.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship? Well yes. Since the relationship/not relationship that I have been in hasn't really been doing it for me. commitment, confusion blah blah blah. So if you are interested please apply in the comment box. it would help if you had a flare for writing and appreciated good music. Also a sense of adventure is needed......oh and you need to be good with crazy people. because my whole family is made up of them!

3. New house? Yes and No. I am planning a move with Bri this summer to BC. So yes maybe. But deep down inside I hope not. this year I have moved 7 times. I am ready to not move again for a long LONG time.

4. What will you do different in 2010? I am going to be stronger. Not like "Dude I can bench press a 160" (I dont think that is attractive when you are a girl) I want to be able to stand up for who I am. Be stronger. This is me......and I am not changing.

5. New Years resolution? Normaly I do not set these, as it sets you up for failure. Sadness follows, and the next thing you know you are 40 pounds heavier and had to spend twice as much on Christmas presents just so you could up hold the "kinder person" resolution.

6. What will you not be doing in 2010? I will not be sky diving.....just saying. I also will not be taking the train anywhere farther than 6 hours away. I will not be attending another Twilight movie, ever not just this year.

7. Any trips planned? Nothing to amazing. I plan to win the Troy Reeb internship, so that will be two weeks in Toronto. Also I will going home again at least once if not twice. Maybe if I win the lottery I can make it over seas. Doubtful but I remain hopeful!

8. Wedding plans? Not that I know of for me. But who knows I mean if I get a few applications a year to make wedding plans could be enough! lol. I do however have friends who have weddings that I will be part of. Of course there is Lauraj.....who's wedding I am no longer part of, but in spirit I am. Stephy plans a wedding for August, after my baby comes! Then there's LeahN who will be wed in February. The rate these have been popping up,I am sure there will be a few more this year!

9. What's on your calendar?
Finishing my first year of Print Journalism. See the little bro graduate high school. get my self a car! get my self an iphone. Um I will pencil in Mr. Right for any time this year......... : ). Lets see there is the home coming of Elder Hatch. The Birth of the Fox/Walker baby. Wedding another wedding. Trip to see my Grandma, maybe. Oh see "Alice in Wonderland". Be legal everywhere in the world. um I think that's good for now.

10. What can't you wait for? I am not sure to tell you the truth. There's a lot to look forward to. But I am sure what I know about won't even touch the things I don't know about. The best things that happened this year were unexpected and could never have been so good if they were planned.

11. What would you like to see happen different? My relationship patterns. I would like for things to end up better than they have. I would also like to meet a few guys who even fit into the category of "good enough for me". Since that has been a common phrase said to me this past year.

12. What about yourself will you be changing? I want to be more honest this year. Slowly I have been able to be more honest through this blog. It started with the tattoo post. Letting you know that I have made out with a boy. Letting you know I have not been into church for a while now. And slowly I want to be the kind of person who doesn't hide behind other things. Who is honest and stands up for who she is and the decisions I make.

13. What happened in '09 that you didn't think would ever happen? I could think of a few things ....* cough T cough cough*. I'm pretty sure I will never experience another auqu-size class with my beloved JMaCrae. I would like to say that I don't think I will ever be as heart broken as I was this past year, but we all know thats not how it is! I will never deal with it the same again though.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about? I am not entirely sure how I can be any nicer to the people I care about. I mean one girl can only give so much! But the people I care about know that I would do anything for them. I am that nice!

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 2009? Not by choice. If I had my way I would still be wearing a pair of old jeans and my nightmare before Christmas hoodie from grade 11. But yes every year I grow up a bit more, and dress a little bit better I would have to say!

16. Will you start or quit drinking? No. I gave up drinking along time ago. I will however go to bars, but just because you are in a bar does not mean you drink. In fact did you know when you are the DD for all you drunk friends you get free WATER! I know your jealous right?

17. Will you better your relationship with your family? I am constantly bettering my relationships with Family members. This past year Family became very important to me. Both sides of my family.

18. Will you do charity work? Um free baby sitting? Just kidding it is not free........especially if there is diapers!

19. Will you go to bars? YES!!! yes yes I will. sorry if that doesn't impress you. Good thing I am a smart girl.

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know? Probably not......I wont lie.

21. Do you expect 2010 to be a good year for you? Yes I do. I'm not realy sure why. But there are endless possibilities for this year!

22. How much did you change from this time last year till now? In some ways not at all, in some ways I have made a 360. But every change is for the better (even if other people don't think so).

23. Do you plan on having a child? This next year??? NO! can I plan to have a steady, mature, amazing boy friend first. Can we plan to graduate college and get writing first? oh right this is my life of course I can!

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now? Most of them. I'm not sure about that KC guy he is a bit of a loony (lol Luv ya!). I plan to have more friends than just  the ones I have right now though!

25. Major lifestyle changes? Yes. Keep reading to find them out.

26. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 2010 that happened in 09? Foot infections! those are bad....don't let those happen.

27. What are your New Years Eve plans? This year I am going to a friends bar. He is having the grand opening. I will spend it with my good friends. And will not be the only sober one, as i am bringing Stephy with me!

28. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight? See like 5 days ago I would have said YES! and been so content in finally actually having someone to kiss at midnight..........but since I am such a go getter I could wait until AFTER New Years to straighten up my love life.

29. Wish for 2010? 
If I told you they might not come true. this isn't for emphasis my blog is stuck in BOLD text! lol but here's a hint........a few have to do with love. Of course!

Merry belated Christmas

Ok so Christmas was good. And since I don't really want to write a billion things about I will post so pics I took! Enjoy!

This is where I caught the train. Cut Bank Montana. I know from this picture you can't really tell but this is by far the sketchiest place I have EVER been. Lucky me got to wait 8 hours for the train in a building that looked like a serial killer was at work in it!

Inside......I made it look cool. I got skills!

The most important ornament on our tree. My first Christmas bear. Every year I place it at the very top of the tree. If it were any higher it would replace the angel. Yeah, I'm a bit of a diva. Get over it!

Little Bro doing his Grinch eyebrows.......he is the coolest thing since Cool Whip (emphasis on the WHip)

Christmas Dog. Lucky Oreo was the model for this trip home.....I got a bit Dog picture happy (Deb would be proud!)

Even in Washington State you gotta represent!

Most peoples Parents are the ones nagging you to get off of the phone! We are trying to have family time. Instead our parents spent the first half and hour of Christmas morning on the phone! while we complained about not getting to spend "Family time" together.
The all mighty little bro!

This is the face the little bro gave me after losing at family Christmas Eve Uno.

Step Sis and her puppy.

This was Edward Cullen's appearance at our Christmas..... I guess no holiday is complete with out a horny vampire. And no Little Bro was not the recipient of that tank top!

Guess what I got for Christmas!!! I read it faster than I ate my Mothers home made apple pie....ok that's a lie! But it was excellent! Peter's novella that is!

The Family. I liked this on the best.....Tim thought it was oh so clever to say something like sex on this shot. as you can see he thinks he is rather clever! i also tried to convince them it was important to look good for this. But as you can tell from my lack of make up and Step sis's PJ's it didn't work. oh well I present to you the Campbell/Coppin Family.

This is my cat. Slim. Slim Shady......yeah I got her when I was 15 and had a large crush on Eminem! please note, she is actually THAT fat. If not fatter. I like to say she eats her feelings. Obesity also plagues cats.

These last shots are form around town. It seems the states have a plethora of amazing old/vintagey buildings and architecture.  which make for amazing pictures.

Magnetic pull

They sat on opposite sides of the couch, the TV flashed images across it.
Neither of them were paying much attention to it.
But from the way they desperately gazed at it you would have thought they were glued to it.
She glance down conspicuously at him.
It had never been so hard to sit next to him.
It was like there was a force pulling them together.
They both fought to stay on opposite ends of the couch.
Careful never to touch, afraid of what might happen if they did.
He glanced over conspicuously at her.
She had always been beautiful.
But never had she been this beautiful.
Keeping his eyes off of her was like torture.
"This is really hard" he was the first to speak what they were both thinking.
"It is"
"It has never been so hard to not touch you ever" he sighed.
"your the one who made this stupid rule"
"I am?" he thought back, nothing came to mind, why would he make such a stupid rule.
"Yes, you said you didn't want to hurt me. You made up these stupid rules"
"I don't want to hurt you" He looked into her eyes.
"You aren't. I liked how things were. I think this might hurt more"
He put his arm around her.
She smiled that irresistible smile.
He realized he may have been the biggest idiot on the earth to try and keep her away.
He pulled her close, wrapping both arms around her tightly.
She sighed that drive you wild sigh.
He lost it.
They sat intertwined on the couch, the TV flashed images across it.
Neither of them payed much attention to it.
From the way they looked at each other you would have thought they were in love.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Take off to the great white north!

Well my holiday in the south is done.
It was nice to be home with my family, but the cabin fever has begun to get to me. So I am overly glad to be going home and keeping busy.

Not being busy on the boy front, has been easier said then done.
Being friends makes things SO much harder. It's that good person thing again.
The boy isn't making it easy to "move on". But I have been doing pretty good so far. I plan to continue my smart girl choice. No I dont need ANYONE to give him a phone call...........

I got Peter DeWolf''s novella for Christmas. Finished it like I was seeing Jude law for the first time. So good! not enough though, I need like, I don't know, a life's supply of DeWolf novels, just saying.
I definitely suggest you get it, and read. Then read it to your friends. Or you know buy it for them.

Lauraj's wedding is in just a week. I am not going anymore (she bumped the date up, and well it seems to fall right smack dab in the first week of school) (which happens to be the Troy Reeb application week). It is so insane that she is getting married. MARRIED! Yesturday I got a message from Lauraj's little sister. She wants a video for Lauraj's bachelor-ette party. First I was set into a rage that my best friend would move her wedding to a week that would be impossible for me to make it. Second I was bitter that she had changed so quickly from laurarj the girl with 5 homeless kids living on her floor. To lauraj wife of a Olympic placer, University grad, world record holder. Ok I will stop. I am happy she is happy. Even if she only dated him for three weeks before the engagement.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Chistmas......a time to grow up

So as some of you know, I have been playing girlfriend with the boy. Tonight I made a break through. Not an easy break through but a break through.
I was chatting with the boy.
The conversation got to us. Which it usually does. Since I have much stronger feelings for him, than he does for me, it usually gets there.
He is not ready for me to be his girlfriend.
In Cathy talk that means
"Your not enough"
He assures me I am. I don't know how I could be. If what he said was true, if I was indeed the best he could ever wish for, then why not let me say I'm your GF?
This fact has been rolling around in my head for weeks. But I enjoyed playing girlfriend.
Tonight some thing hit me. Why would you want to be with someone who isn't sure about you?
no really
I am patient and understanding.
Fun, cute, humorous, talented, driven, passionate, loyal, trustworthy.
I am forgiving, and most of all AWESOME!
And here I am missing a boy who cant even tell me why he "likes" me.
There is someone out there who does think I am enough. In fact he thinks I'm more than he could ask for. So why in the world am I wasting my time with a guy who doesn't.
I'm not.
I am Done.
I know it will be hard. I am still attracted to this boy. I know it will take a while, but I am done.
I've never been in this place before.
Having someone like me, but not want me to them selves.
I mean I have had guys not like me.
And I have had guys head over heals for me.
but never a fence sitter.
To be honest I would take the rejection any day.
You have no idea how hard it is to get over a guy who says "I like you" but then says "but I am not ready for a relationship". it's like throwing a starving girl chocolate and biting into it only to realize it is dirt.
That was a horrible analogy. But at two in the morning it made for a good mental picture.
So Merry Christmas Bloggers.
And Merry Christmas to that guy, who I know is out there, who would be more than happy to hold me in his arms for the rest of his life.
A new year comes and I grow up a bit more.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

"You need to take them to Applebee's and get them some hot wings"

So I am at home.
A few good things come from going home from the holiday's. First I get to see my Family, they drive me crazy but I love them. Second all the home cooked food. I mean who doesn't love their Mom's cooking??? ok I know there is a few.......and really some people are just not blessed with Mom's who can create magic in a dish. Thirdly there is the endless supply of rental video's that are bought to entertain me while I am here. I get bored quickly. There is only some much to do when you dont know anyone but your Mom in a place.
(500) Days of summer and Paper Heart.
Restored my optimism for love again.
It also made me think up a dozen situations that could happen when going home, and seeing the boy. None of which will happen. Wouldn't it be nice if things just worked out the way they do in the movies.
Boy meets girl.
they get close
He isn't ready for relationship.
She leaves and he realizes he cant live with out her.
She comes home, he professes his love for her.
What a lovely story.......I know, I know that's not how it works. So I don't have my hopes up. It will go like this.
Boy meets girl
They get close.
He isn't ready for relationship.
She leaves.
He plays Rockband
She comes home.
They stay friends.
Reality........why is it never as romantic as the movies!?
Merry Christmas bloggers!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

in a smokey bar

She had seen him before in this smokey bar. He sat in the corner drinking whiskey, a story in his eyes.
She watched him for a few minutes, her friends laughed and drank around her.
She needed a reason to go over there, to find out what he was drowning in hard liquor.
She stood up ready to aproch him.
He stood up, walked on to the stage and pick up the guitar leaning on the side of the stage.
He settled on a stowl and started playing.
No one was really listening as he began to sing.
No one but her.
She listened to him, watching his fingers slide up and down the neck of the guitar.
She looked at his brown eyes, so full.
He finished and walked back to the corner where a freash glass of whiskey awaited him.
She stood up ready to approch him.
She walked over.
He looked up at her.
"Can I buy you a drink?"
"I don't know the last time someone bought me a drink, it didn't end well."
"Why not?"
"Why don't I buy you a drink, we can talk about it."
"I'm tired of talking about it."
 She had seen him before in this smokey bar.
"Last time you ordered beer. Why the sudden need for something stronger?"
"Broken heart."
"I'm sorry."
"I know you are."
"I just wanted to make sure you were ok."
"I will be, when I finish this drink."
She stood up ready to forget him.
She walked away.
She never saw him in that smokey bar again.
But he always held her heart.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

It's been a while

So Bloggers it's been a while.
Hi how ya doing?
Enjoying this Christmas season so far? I happen to not enjoy it. Mostly it's the cold. I have no clue why I live in Canada. I hate cold weather. And really there is no where you can go in Canada to escape the winter season. They are all cold east to west north to south.
There are a lot of reason I haven't written in a while. Mostly it's because I am drowning in final projects. The nice thing about my program is that there is no final exams. On the other hand there are ten final projects, that take seven times as much time to do then studying for an exam.
But I thought I would take a minute or two out of my crazy life to talk about my crazy life.

Item one. I got a tattoo. That's right. And it hurt. But after all the swearing and death threats to the guy who was permanently drawing on my arm, I decided it didn't hurt that bad. Dont get me wrong it hurt. But not as bad as I thought it would. There is about three people rightnow reading this on their screens going whatever you liar!
So I have one. It is Bob Dylan lyrics around a cherry blossom. If you want to know more about it, you can comment and I will tell details (meaning, location, whatever) but for the most part that's it. Also if you have befriended me on facebook you can see it there. And some lovely pictures taken while it was being done!

Item two. B-Ry. Welcome to my Blog B-Ry. He is the boy(man as he likes to be called) I have been talking about in previous posts. The one that I can't decide on.  B-Ry is the most confusing part of my life at the time. He is also a lot of fun (and cute). and since I dropped the tattoo bomb up there, I'll tell you he also is my first really legit kiss! I say this because arguably he is not, but there is no solid proof on that, so I go with first kiss. B-Ry and I are in relationship limbo at the time being. But against my will he happened to meet a few family members of mine. Laugh it up you, I had to emotionally pay for that one! He felt it would be a good idea for me to meet his family. I said no. I don't meet family, when I am not sure where I stand with the son. But lucky for me I was tricked into it. Then when I left I had a bit of a panic attack. I survived, thanks to encouraging words from J.....words like "do I need to take care of him?" Despite the confusion we have a lot of fun together. I am having fun, that's all that counts.

Item three. Dear Peter DeWolf. Today I was reading your blog (of course since I am your biggest fan on the west coast of Canada). WHAT? stop blogging??? NO!!!! I forbid it. even if all you do is write about what happened on TSN this weekend, don't stop blogging! I doubt you will ever read this....I shouldn't say that as last time I confessed my love to you thinking the same thing and saw that. Anyways moral of the story I never want to click on your blog as see the words "I'm done" ever again. Deal? Deal.

ok that's all I have time for, for now. I have a marketing design to finish and a final presentation to brush up for.
PS new house is great! guess what happened? I went to bed and slept the whole night! and not one child screamed  can above me the whole time! can you say heaven??