Wednesday, June 24, 2009

lost track of the days

It's the 24th and I have only posted once this month.
That never happens.
I guess I can tell you about life!

First off Kam got a boyfriend. It's all very romantic and happy.....for her. For those of us who don't have a boyfriend it's 30% exciting 20% horrible (because we don't have a boyfriend) and 50% repetitive. I'm super happy that she is happy, but I swear if I hear that sigh followed by "Guys my boyfriend is SO amazing" I'm going to drink a bottle of bleach!
It's self fish.....I am aware of this. But I'm only human!

I recently Had to go to the hospital. I fell on the side walk, and despite all of my painful efforts to keep the large opening on my foot from getting infected, it did. So Saturday morning my roomie rushed me to the ER, where a very funny good looking Dr. fixed my foot...........well not really. I mean he prescribed me the drugs to fix my foot, and the pain killers. The rest was up to me. But this injury has been a trial. Not only has it been intensely painful, but I also had to miss 8 days of work, because I couldn't really walk. But on the positive, the 8 days I took off, aloud me to spend time with one of Kam's Best friends. Leah Ray, who I love. We had lots of fun together.

I got my Class schedule for my first semester in the Journalism. I have 10 classes! And I thought I had a lot when I signed up for 4 classes in one semester. I for see myself being over tired, over worked, and broke by the end of this year. But it will be worth it......If I have to survive off of Kraft dinner and Presidents choice brand corn flakes for the next two years, it will be alright with me. It's much better then spending an eternity ring groceries through a till, and arguing with people over the price of olives. Give me 4 am paper writing any day over that!

Lauraj and Will broke up.....he cheated. She moved to Cardston and in a few weeks she will be on her way to Ontario. To figure out what she wants to do with her life.....and live off her parents. I'm glad she's going, the girl she's been for the past year is not who she is. I hope that she finds herself, it's hard work. But I'm a living testament that it can happen!

I attended by far the greatest LDS singles Dance ever to happen last Friday. The music was great, not a single cotton eyed joe, or little mermaid remix in sight. It was held out side so that hot sweaty factor was cut out's always nice to dance with boys that don't smell like they just ran a 10k. I danced slows songs with boys. nothing to be overly excited about, they are boys but not those kind of boys.
Robert was the first to ask me to dance, we talked about how everyone thinks he looks much older than 19 and he spit in my face at least 4 time while talking to me. which is horrid, what are you suppose to do when that happens? I can't just wipe the spit off my face! that would hurt his feelings, and backing up defiantly wasn't an option with this dance. So I endured the shower and ran after the song was over.
Other than Robert there was a horrible attempt at waltzing with Nolan, a very awkward dance lesson with Ken, and a dance with brad (who might as well be a girl). But despite the lack of romance it was an excellent dance.

Other than these few topics, life has been rather uneventful. I me for me it's a blast, but I'm not sure the latest news on top model is really what everyone wants to read about.
So for now thats all. Hopefully I can get it together enough to post at least once a week! I leave with one of my all time favorite songs, sung by one of my all time favourite singers. It fits my mood of the last month or so.

Sunday, June 14, 2009


I have done a lot of thinking since getting back to the bridge. I've asked my self time and time again, "Was this a mistake? Did I do the right thing by moving back here?"
I can't really answer that. I don' t ever classify anything I do in my life as a mistake. Nothing can be a mistake, I didn't make the wrong move, I didn't lose points in the game. Because I have grown up from all the things I have done. Wrong or right they are me, and I lived them.
However I can say that I have learnt some very important things from coming back to the bridge.

I learnt that I am not meant to stay here. I have always had such a hard time letting go of this place. Time and time again I run back here, and feel like I am home. This time I got here, and felt like this wasn't home anymore. Maybe that's why I had to come back, to figure out that it's ok to let go. I still plan on starting school in the fall, and then looking at transfer schools, in different cities. I don't know where I'm suppose to go, but I know that in the long run it's not here. The nice thing about realizing this, is that there is no emergency. There's no tragic happenings that force me to leave. There's just me ready to start living.

I have learnt that sometimes loosing someone is for the best. Of course I know that losing he who must not be named, is good. but for once I'm not referring to him. I'm referring to me. It's been hard to come back, and have all my friends put me in my old role again. Cathy the protector, the shoulder to hold on to, the backbone, the mother, the controller. Because that's not who I am. Since I got back I have felt like I can't just be me. That is because I can't, everyone wants me to be the friend that they remember. But I'm just not that girl. This realization makes me so happy. Because the girl I was, was nothing I wanted to be. I am proud of the person I turned into over the last few months. Now I need to learn how to be her, even in a situation like this.

I have learnt that some people are meant to come and go. I only have a hand full of friends that I have been friends with for a significant amount of time. Those people are the people, who don't always make the head lines of my life. Blake is one of the, Elizabeth is another. It was a surprise to me when I realized that the people that mean the most to me where people that wouldn't stick around. Lauraj I thought would be there every step of the way. But I was wrong. I never thought that we would change so much that we would drift apart. But we have. I know that should be a sad thing, but that's just how it has always been. Debbie was my best friend and we changed and drifted apart, Melanie, Ike, Carrie, Kodie, Bonnie, Steph,Cody and now Laura. They each helped make me into the girl I am. I'm not saying that Laura and me are no more, we still are friends, I'm saying that we have changed and drifted apart, and I see us getting farther and farther. But that's ok.

I have learnt that being close to my heavenly father is my number one goal. I finally figured out what I was looking for, by bouncing back and forth from ward to ward. I'm looking for a chance to serve, to feel his love, and to learn.

Most of all I have learnt that life is short, but long. That all the dreams and aspirations. point me in the same direction, and that even though it has taken this long for me to get them set in motion, I have even longer to make them come true. I have gained a sense of hope that I just never understood. And for that lesson I am eternally grateful for.