Saturday, July 19, 2008

299 dishes on the counter, 299 dishes.......

Some people live their lives for their parents, their spouse, even their dogs. This month I have lived my Life for work. Yes it is a sad realization when I get on my knees and can only thank my God for all the hours I have been getting at work, and that the bus didn't crash between here and downtown, and that I have an extremely comfy bed.
But surprisingly enough the constant work hasnt been bad. I would take it any day to sitting around and doing nothing, Like I was before. But between the sound of the bread slicer and the sound of silence at my other job, i have a lot of thinking time.
Heres a few thoughts.

Monday.....around 8:00 am
Laura and me should open a really awesome coffee shop. I would never have to listen to a boss again (BONUS!). We love food, we love to bake, we love the vibe of the coffee scene. You know the layed back relax urban alternative feel. We love local art and music. And old music. Would not all those things make the most stellar Coffee shop. And we could sell cheap awesome coffee. Have local bands play every Friday night, show local artist. Have only the best variety of oldies (The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley....) Punk, Folk, Indie, and everything else we like.
I then proceeded to plan out how it would look, what it will be called and where it would be. And that Laura and I would live in apartment over top of save money.

I dont know why I quit IGA. It is not all that bad....I really like going to work there. I then listed off every person I like there and who use to work there and why. That filled up a good 4 hours. Since I pretty much like everyone....

Wednesday............Why the crap did I give my first day off so i could work for Gail?????WHY!

The List goes on and on, filled with random stupid Ideas, old memories and new thoughts. But today It took a rather serious turn.
As some of you may know I have a friend named Cody. its been a really long time since I have written about him......but for follow up about our friendship, read old posts. anyways. So about a month ago I told Cody, that I just didnt want him in my life anymore. I told him I could still hang out with him when he was here, but I just couldn't let him hurt me anymore. I meant the time It wasn't even just a sneaky girl mind trick to get him to stop being a jerk. It was how I felt. I actually never thought that he would just back off. But he did. He took himself out of my life. And wasn't even mad about it. And I was Fine...Peachy. But today a stab of regret came to me. I seriously cut my best friend out of my life AGAIN!!!! why do I let people closest to me that hurt me. I only have ever had 1 friend I let really close to me who didnt hurt me. I dont know what to do.....but I know that I cant let myself be treated like I was.

A few weeks ago I went on splits with the sister missionaries. And I talked to this really nice guy. If I could spell his name I would but for now its R. so I saw him a few times after and said hi. But last night I rode the bus with him and we waited together for it before hand for like a 1/2 hour. And I had the greatest time. He is really a awesome guy. We talked for a good hour and joked around. I hope we get to be better friends.....I need some wicked more mean ones. LOL.
Any ways This was a see last week was Lauras week for dishes and she didnt do them all week this week was Graces, she didnt do them. and the smell has become to much for Im doing them. 299 dishes to go!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

what I've learned this week

I learn a lot every week, some are like a kick in the face others are things I hold in my heart forever, most help In day to day's a few

1. No matter how much talk and how much gossip is said about me, I know who I am. And there are very few people i have ever cared about what they thought. Luckily none of them have ever been in a line of bitter fire directed at me. No matter how many Sundays I miss, I am not inactive, Im also not In trouble, Im just living my life. Some times I have to work to live, sometimes I need to sleep to live, and sometimes I need church to live. And sometimes I Need something I dont want. Like working Sundays. So In the end you can say what you want, but my testimony stays unshaken.

2. The power of the Gospel is enough for me. Sometimes I feel like I need more, I need to run away to Italy, to Liverpool, to Vancouver. But i always find comfort in this tight knit community. I always longed for a place to call home, I always just wanted roots. The Gospel makes roots everywhere. With it by my side i have been ok. This week i had the chance to share it. And i realized that the power of the Gospel isnt just for me, its with me to share. I went on splits with the sister missionaries, I shared my testimony with a young man, and the look in his eyes when I was saying it made me see. Its just enough If all I do the rest of my life is live here, and live the Gospel that will just be enough. I dont have to travel the world to make a difference, I do it every day.

3. I Love my family. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes we spend so much time apart I can barely remember why I love them. But I do. I love every sarcastic remark, ever loving hug, ever piece advise, and ever minute I spend with them. No matter how long I spend away from them, I always feel the same. Over the years I have gotten closer to a few of them. When I was young all Tiff was, was a babysitter. Now she is a huge reason that I am doing what I am now, with out her I'd still be ringing through groceries at the local IGA. Instead of learning the skills to be successful. Now shes a friend.
When I was young My Aunt was a bother, controlling and judgemental. Now she is a strong example of some key things I need in life. Shes turned from judgemental to caring. Funny how life does that to someone. Blaine use to be a huge pain, constantly teasing and bugging me. Now hes a friend, someone I can talk to, someone who is interesting, who has seen a lot of the world. Someone who fascinates me, and inspires me. My mom has come from a crutch to a friend, to an example, to a mother. A mother is so many different thing to a daughter. One day yours will explain What you are to her. This week I was reminded about just who much I love my family.

4. Working is hard. But hard work is surprisingly enjoyable. minus the aching feet and pain in my back. Know that you are supporting yourself is a good feeling. and sometimes in the midst of financial crisis, you forget that you have worked for everything you've got. ever sock, ever mini wheat kicking around your kitchen floor. you worked for it. and even if that mini wheat was bought by your mom, because your work hasnt quite payed off as much as you need, In the end every month I have put a roof over my head, with out help. and that gives me a really good feeling. You may relate, or you may not. But I just realized how grown up I am this week. Along way from bed time stories and baby sitting.

5. People come in all shapes and sizes, they have different points of view and they have different personalities. Thats just how God made us. But there are no bad people. We may have reacted to situations bad, but I really believe there are no bad people. Not even my crazy room mate. Its very easy for me to compare my life to others. It hasnt been a very easy one. But sometimes I forget that others arnt easy either. would that be cruel joke, If I was the only one in the world who has had it ruff. God would really have to hate me. Im sure her craziness has a reason, as does mine, and as does yours. Im sure she's cried from a broken heart too, Im sure she has had crappy parents at times. I'm sure she had a few dramatic friends. And I guess shes living with 2 pretty crazy room mates herself. This week I decided to cut her some slack. Shes doing her best. And even though her best is annoying most of the time. What more can I ask. I am who I am and so is she. No more crazy room mate stabs. Time for me to respect Grace for the person she is. As different as that is from me.

6. The last thing I learned this week is that there are people that care everywhere. The hide in corners and lurk in the shadows, but their there. The show up with car fulls of free stuff they snagged from an old lady. Or Drive you to work just so you can sit and enjoy breakfast. The order you the next book in the twilight series with out asking, they take over your shift at work when you cant go anymore. Then wave at you from their cars as they drive by, or send you a facebook message. They tell you they love you, and buy you pizza when your poor. They unplug your bathtub, or teach you to play chess so you dont look completely lame. To all these people I want to say thank you. i may never do something that means as much to you as what you do for me, but I love you. and I hope that shows that I care, until i can do more!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

2 more months

I dont actually feel im doing anything with my life right now. My one goal is to pay off my laptop. I have 2 more months to achieve this goal, I want to say Im well on my way. but I feel that would be a lie. I want more than anything to not have to use my student loans to pay it off, but that is what im afraid will happen. Not for a lack of trying. but anyways all that is besides the point, I have spent 2 months not furthering my life, and I only have 2 more to go. Do you know what happens in 2 more months. I start my second semester of COLLEGE!!!! i think i may be the only person on the face of the planet who is counting the days until she can go back to college.
Of course I am still not registered in any classes for next semester. Also not my fault I went on the first day of registration to get the classes I wanted. But I had to switch in to my major. and after doing so they informed me I dont get to pick my classes for this semester (which truly bothered the control freak inside of me). So I have been waiting since April for my new class list. June came and went, and I decided I needed to call and see if they wanted me back. They told me to check the Internet at the beginning of July, and classes would be up. I checked yesterday. No Dice. I checked today, twice, No dice.

So Since living your life to pay off a laptop debt isnt really that fun, I thought that if I had my classes I could at least look forward to that. But NOOOOOOO. I bet they just dont understand how bad I want to know, Its like a small child Christmas eve, but you dont know what day Christmas is for sure, but you know its coming soon. Its just mean to play with my heart like this!
School is not the only thing that is happening in 2 months. my lease is up September 1st. This is SO exciting for me, not as much as college, but close. This means I can at last run away for my Grace problem. I am hopefully moving t6o a new place with just Laura in September. That could be fun, I'm excited about having my own place, that I dont share with 600billion other girls and there interesting personalities. Laura and me have pretty much the same reactions to things, and we think pretty similar, so we work together pretty well. That's not saying we dont have our problems. but for the majority we are good. I take care of her she takes care of me. we have like this groove together, it just works for us. we make good room mates. And Laura only also shares my out look on Jesus pictures, one is all you really need.

A new house will also mean a new ward, which ends up with new people *cough boys cough cough*. And since the only boy I have really been interested in (minus perfect bone structure boy) has moved away, I guess I need to meet new ones. I really like my calling in this ward Im in, Im a teacher. but im sure there are others.

I guess Im just ready for the new.