Well it's now been two months since I left the comfort of my old life, and started a new one.
to tell you the truth i haven't changed all that much, i just found what I was looking for. The only real change is in my emotions for people. but you all know about that. I just found all the pieces of me that I lost somewhere between my roots and my wings.
My mom use to talk about having roots a lot when I was younger. the thing she never mentioned is once your roots are firmly planted, they don't go anywhere. I was so afraid of losing my roots, that I lost my wings.
I have always been more of a free spirit, I always dreamt of having wings. And now I can. because my roots aren't going anywhere. At the end of the day where ever there is love there is roots. I thought I had to stay in Cardston to have them, then I came to the big city and realized they were here to. every time I talk to my Mom I realize I have them there to.
So I guess my advice would be, don't plant your roots in the ground, plant them in the hearts of the people that love you. Then no matter how far your wings take you, you will always have a home.
Knowing this has opened doors that have been close (emotionally) for me for years. I have always been a big dreamer, I always talk about travelling the world, writing books, painting the world, discovering cultures, and people. But I was so scared I felt like I couldn't do anymore than what I already was doing. Not anymore. Every morning I wake up and feel like I can do anything. The best thing about that feeling is that it is so true. Every morning I wake up get dressed and go to work, for eight hours I think of all the new things I could do with my life. Because I know that working there isn't for me.
I have finally discovered why I hate every job I have ever had. Every job I have ever done, has been pointless, what help am I to others folding panties? riddle me that. Would our world be a worse place if no one every hung a bra up? It might be a little more disorganized, but I think we would make it. I have hated every job I have ever had, because it has made no difference, in my life or any one elses. I'm not the kind person who find joy in doing pointless things. I can't believe it took me nearly 8 years of my working life to figure that out. So for now I will go on folding panties and hanging bras, but it will only be until I can find a new job that has meaning. I am already planning to spend a summer in Romania working in an orphanage (I have 3 friends over there right now, I'm planning on talking about how to do it with them). and while I save for that great life adventure I will keep working this job, until something more meaningful comes only.
on Sunday I was struck with a tid bit of knowledge in relief society, being single is a gift. this is time I have been given to do things to help others, to better my self. I am wasting so much time worrying about getting married, that I am letting the gift slip away.
I want to look back on these years and see how they shaped me into the mother and wife I want to be. Not look back and see all the time I spent falling in and out of love with stupid boys. I want to spend this time going from a girl to a women.
As for right now, every day is better than the last. I have family, I have friends, I have me, and I have the lord. What more could I ask for?