These past few days I have felt like a new me.
Scratch that. A different me.
I have come to realize that the phrase "New me" is kind of a load of shit.
Your never new, you always have the old in you. You can't just shake it out. Stand on your head and suddenly BOOM! the old is gone.
Nope I am the same girl.
I just have different elements.
I also think that everything you are is already inside of you. Good or bad. It just takes situations to bring those sides out.
So there is no new. There is just me.
It has come to my attention that some of you think things have been ruff because of a boy. Things are not ruff because of a boy. Things are ruff because I am lost. and a boy just happened to know just where to push to break me. New and old me have never totally broke becasue of a boy (not even Cody).
Anyways different me. Yesterday I laughed and not just you know laughed, but really laughed. I'm sorry to tell you if I have laughed at or with you in the past 3 months it was the laugh. Not a laugh. I laughed because of something Bryan did. Today I realized that is a slippery slop. Allowing your happiness to come from someone who's emotions flip on a dime is a bad idea. But even though that was my first Laugh, it is not the first time I have felt different.
I started spending time with LizD. That is good. I feel good with her. I started helping Stephy with the wedding. That is good. I work more. good. I spend more nights alone at my house. good. I talked to the DeCoste's. good.
Please don't take this as "oh good, she is fine." I am better, but not perfect. I still get lows. So please don't think anything is 100% resolved. But it is smoothing over.