the wall

There is this wall when it comes to me and you.
You take it down when you need me to be there for you.
But when I need you it's always up.
It's an ugly wall, and not at all hidden or misable.
You built it with selfishness and and self pitty.
You built to protect yourself.
You don't see the wall.
Even though it is completely unmissable, you can't see it.
Even when I take your hand and press it against the wall you still see nothing.
On it you hang you "friend of the year" award.
The one that you created and hung yourself.
It's strange because when I don't need someone the wall does not effect me.
But in my darkest hours, I see it looming over me.
Leaving me alone in it's dark shadows.
I tried to take down the wall.
Nothing works.
And so I decide that the only way to escape the feelings the wall has left me with is to leave.
Leave you and the wall.
To let the light shine on me.
But there are other things that tie me to the wall.
I think sometimes even the wall ties me to the wall.
Less often now, but still a tie.
Could I leave all these ties behind?
What would my life become?
Or can I find something to bring me light until the ties drop.
And I am free to walk away.
Give it all up, or find a light?
Both seem equally as hard at this moment.
But which one will I choose.