Sunday, March 6, 2011

is it to late?

As some of you may or may not of heard I kick Bryan to the curb.
I'll pause for you aplause.
I thought that it would be easy, kick one ex BF/BFF and live a happy fulfilling life.
Turns out it's not that easy.
Why am I sad about this? Am I crazy? This is the guys literally took my heart and stomped on it!
Why am I still making excesses for him? Why can't I just be the bad guy? Don't I deserve to be happy.

When I think about it one question always ends up in my head.
He couldn't really expect me to stay around after he choose her. Could he?

Maybe he hasn't done as much as I thought he has.
But in the end, I was his girlfriend, and he couldn't have cared about me much if 3 days after we broke up he slept with my best friend. And when I see the way he treats her it makes me mad. I never got treated that way, and I gave it my all. So maybe the reason I haven't been able to fully walk away until now is becasue I've been waiting.
Waiting for him to see that I am amazing.

Well I'm don't need to wait anymore. Even if I feel bruised, used, broken, I know that I deserve better. Everyone does. Even Brinae does. But he deserves exactly what he has. Nothing more, and certainly not me.

I didn't tell you that I had a slight relapse this weekend. I let him convince me that I wanted to casually talk still. To casually have him in my life. I know, right now, that I want nothing more to do with him.
So this is what I am going to say, tomorrow right before I block his number from my phone, and block his Facebook account from mine.

You said the other day that we have come so far together, and that it would be a waste to let all that go.
I know now that that is not the case. We have come far together, and even though I wish I could have learned them another way, I have learned things that will stay with me always. I have no clue if you learned anything, I don't even know if I really made an impact on your life.
And you know what I don't care. I don't care if you graduate, or if Brinae loves you for real or not. I don't care if you move into your mother place again, and I don't care if you never leave this place.
I stopped really caring about you along time ago. In fact I remember the very second it happened. I was sitting in a radio booth texting you and you told me you had started talking to Brinae again.
In my heart I knew that you never really cared about me. You may think you did. But I was just that girl. The one you needed to help you get to where you want to go. The one you will look back and think fondly of, but not the girl who wins. Not the girl who stays part of your life.
I'm the girl who moves on Bryan. Who gets everything she ever wanted because she's worked for all of it. I'm the girl who comes home one day to a real man, who know just how lucky he has to have me love him. I'm not the girl who keeps finding people that make her unhappy to fill a space. Because as of right now, that space is full. Thanks to the people that really do love me.
I have come to far alone, and it would be a waste to let all that go for 25 days of having you in my life.
Good bye forever.
Cathy Coppin

1 comment:

Kendra said...

Good for you ... The only way to becoming a better, happier you is to cutout the toxic. I to had to learn this the hard way when I was a little younger then you. It's not that fun...but sometimes it's just needed.