Thursday, April 21, 2011

Chapter four

Well I have been out of Lethbridge for about 3 weeks now.
Being gone has had its joys and hardships. Of course it's pretty hard to hold anything in when I'm living with my main go-to people. All it takes is a "So how'd it go?" and I suddenly am spilling my guts.
Mostly moving has been a wave of emotion.
I had issues that needed some attention I didn't even know about!
At first being here was great. I was motivated, excited and optamistic.
Soon I was discouraged, bored, and verging melt down.
Then I realized maybe instead of throwing myself into another situation that ends badly, I should deal with myself. I have always had issues being alone with my self. Of course T is here all day long too, but it's not like I sit by her side all day long listening to her witty one liners (I know shocker!) But being alone with myself mostly involves having nothing to distract myself with.

So I started dealing. There has been a lot of plots about how to get back at Bryan. A few run in scenarios with various people who I know live in Calgary, but don't keep contact with. There's been many why-the-hell-did-I-waste-my-time-at-school-if-I-can't-even-get-a- f-ing-job-with-this-damn-degree moments. Even more this is what I want to be doing with my life dreams.
In the end, I'm here with T and KC (and the occasional mass of children) working at the mall, trying to deal with my core issues before I get into a full swing new life.
It feels kind of like I'm building a bridge. I'm saving money, dealing with problems, building new friendships. I can see the other end (the end where I am getting on a plane to go to see B and Thailand) but as of right now I'm building the supports so I don't fall through half way there again.

So this is Chapter four of my life. Chapter one being ages 1-15 and all the dramas and hardships in that age range. Two is 16-18 a much shorter chapter but a glimpse of my first crash-and-burn, falling in love, being independent and broke. Chapter Three is 19 - to leaving Lethbridge (I think it can be appropriately named the rise and fall of Bryan-ism). And Chapter four. This chapter I hope will be much happier than the last few. Mostly I will be looking back at the last three chapters of my life, making a what-not-to-do list, and dealing with unresolved issues.

But this chapter is already full of good.
So there it is, Chapter four. Stay tuned for plot twists, climaxes, comedy, tragedy, and success.

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