Friday, April 8, 2011

friended

It's been a pretty boring week. Boring weeks lead to boring activities to pass the time. I was looking at my profile pictures, reading the comments, see who liked what, when I came across a old picture of me. I have been over my pictures so many times I can recite the comments in my sleep. But this time something was different.

A small picture appeared next to an old comment left by Cody. If you know the story of Cody then you should also know that after I convinced him to not be my friend anymore he blocked me. So for three years there has been that little FB guy next to his comment.

I clicked on the link to his name just to see if it was a mistake. Nope no mistake, he un-blocked me.

Now it's been three years. I am totally a different person now then I was then. But now that he wanted to opened up the communication with me again, suddenly I felt like that 19 year old girl again.
I HATE that 19 year old girl.

So then I texted Lauraj and she tells me oh yeah Cody is turning his life around again. And he is looking for something familiar to cling onto again... Well thanks for telling me exactly what old Cathy likes to hear. WHAT!? There's someone of the opposite sex who needs my help!? Well okay let me throw my entire life away to help him! DUH-DUH-DUH DUUUUHHHH!!! You think after 6 years of being my best friend the woman would know what NOT to say.

So I spent 15 minutes staring at his FB page. Internally struggling once again wither or not to friend him.
I thought about how awful the past two years have been with Bryan. About the times I wished Cody would do what he promised and save me from this man. This man who completely destroyed who I was.
He never showed up.
I never heard a whisper, or saw a glimpse of this guy who told me even if I didn't want him in my lief he was there for me.
I was alone again.

The thing about me now is that I am not old Cathy. Bryan took old Cathy and stomped all over her, and then ripped her down over and over and over.
I'm not the girls anymore.
I didn't click the add as friend button.
I don't care if Cody needs some one, I needed someone and he wasn't there for me.
I'm not mad at Cody, I'm not still in love with him. I'm just not going to take a step back into the shittiest 4 years of my life.
Cody started something, Bryan brought out the worst in it, and I'm stopping it.

Hi my name is Cathy Coppin, and I am happy. For the first time in years, and I wont let anyone Cody or not take that away from me.
I hope Cody's life work out for him. But I'm not going to take the chance and see if he really has changed. Because it doesn't matter.

1 comment:

Tim/Marilee said...

A little self- esteem goes a long way, huh? Love ya girl. I knew you could do it. Upwards and onwards.