Do you know what it feels like to lose someone?
How about What it feels like to watch someone slip away, and not be able to do anything?
I am feeling that right now. I have been for months. There is a chance that I could lose my best friend. Every day I watch him get farther and farther into a deep black hole. I have tried everything I can think of to help him. I tried to check him into a hospital,I forced him to see a doctor. I encourage him. I help him in all that he does. I make him laugh and I hold him when he cries. But in the end I am at the same place. Sitting in a hospital chapel waiting for his appointment to be over praying that God will listen to me just this once, and send me someone to help him.
I never thought watching someone slip away would be so hard. I never thought it would force me to face all my fears. It has. And even though I know I am strong enough to do this, at every moment I want to give up. I don't want to be rescued. I want him to get better. I want to see the love in his eyes and know it is here to stay. If one day I do, that's the the day I know I have been strong enough to save my self.