Monday, June 21, 2010

Losing you

Do you know what it feels like to lose someone?
How about What it feels like to watch someone slip away, and not be able to do anything?

I am feeling that right now. I have been for months. There is a chance that I could lose my best friend. Every day I watch him get farther and farther into a deep black hole. I have tried everything I can think of to help him. I tried to check him into a hospital,I forced him to see a doctor. I encourage him. I help him in all that he does. I make him laugh and I hold him when he cries. But in the end I am at the same place. Sitting in a hospital chapel waiting for his appointment to be over praying that God will listen to me just this once, and send me someone to help him.

I never thought watching someone slip away would be so hard. I never thought it would force me to face all my fears. It has. And even though I know I am strong enough to do this, at every moment I want to give up. I don't want to be rescued. I want him to get better. I want to see the love in his eyes and know it is here to stay. If one day I do, that's the the day I know I have been strong enough to save my self.


Casey said...

And that's what it comes down to isn't it? Saving yourself. Each of us has to make that choice at some point or another. One day, he will choose to save himself. And hopefully he'll look back and see the patience and forbearance you have shown and realize what a friend you have tried to be.

Jody said...
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