Giving Thanks

Oh man, it has been entirely to long since I posted. Okay well Today is THANKSGIVING!!! My personal favorite holiday, because on Thanksgiving my two favorite things are brought together. Food, and Family. The double F's in life. However this year there is no family.....but I insisted there be food! And not just food, real Thanksgiving food! So I set out on my first attempt to make a real thanksgiving dinner.

First off why do they not sell precooked turkey slices on TG? ummm not everyone has time/money/skills/need to make a whole TURKEY! So I had to settle for chicken, it's close enough.

Second why the crap are pumpkin pies so gross looking. I went to Safeway looking for the monster of all pies, I mean a real beauty. I found the opposite. small, flimsy, gross crust, sad sad pies. But they were the only ones so I settled....It still tastes amazing, it just looks off.

I got home and realized I have no clue how to make half of the stuff I needed. Gravy? Yams? I'm at a loss....Luckily my iphone (even though recouping from a recent bad encounter with the toilet) can solve anything.  SO I began the food making process. And in the end I was proud of the results.

Okay okay so the marshmallows are a bit over cooked.......Give me a break would you! Other wise I think this dish gets and +A!! Happy Thanksgiving Family,Friends, and Fellow bloggers. I'm thankful for everyone of you! And especially the ones who get late night calls, and help me think logically. I love you all.

52 Weeks

Welcome to my new Goal. 52 weeks, 52 pictures. The 365 was a little much, but one photo in 7 days I think I can handle that. Plus less photo's mean I have more time to put some emotion/thought into them.

Today is week one.
Monday September 13, 2010.

Bryan's sister has 3 amazing dogs. Jane is the oldest, I think she is 14ish give or take a few years. She hasn't been doing to well the past couple of nights. After discovering she has an enlarged heart, her lungs filled with fluid. She spent a night or two at the vet and is now home recovering. Jane means the world to us all. Shes family. We love you Janer!

Stay tuned for week twos photo. And keep an eye out for my currently under construction Photography website "Art@heart By: Cathy Coppin" 

12:47

I feel like things are going backwards.
not every thing just you.
Don't you rememeber?
The way things were.
I do.
Awful.
thats it.
The way things were.
Don't you recall?
everything was bad, and it was mainly becasue of you.
I will not go backwards.
If your going that way I hope you can go it alone.
It might be harder to for me to let you do it on your own.
But I'm willing to give it a try.
At last.
Peace.
Is what I want.
The time has come, to walk my own path and to let you walk yours.
I hope they cross, and merge, Or run side by side.
But this is my path.
It leads away from her, from your love for her.
It leads away from betrayal, and lust.
I hope I am strong enough to walk it alone.
It won't be forever.
One day I will have someone to share my path.
But I can't walk it with you.
Not Anymore.

Whoop up days

Ok so I have lived in the bridge for a good chunk of time now. Every year they have a fair, rides, food, booths, just all around fun. I have never been before. And after a bit of commotion between Bryan and I, I didn't make it yesterday. So today I went on my day off with M and J from reitmans. I love them!

First I tried my very first elephant ear.... really I have been missing out on heaven for a long time! They are SO good! check on my fair grounds list.

Next I wanted a henna tattoo. After a lap we couldn't see a booth, so we settled for an air brush tattoo. M, J and I all got matching bumble bee tattoos. We are really just that cool! check.

Next it was to the rodeo, where we found ourselves surfing Facebook instead of watching the rodeo. It was lame, we gladly made a nice lie up to M's friend who we went to watch and made our way back to the fair grounds!

Once back we got the most massive snow cones and went to the shark encounter. which was basically a bunch of baby sharks, being man handled by some Australian guy....Kind of cruel, kind of lame. Then to the worse reptile tent ever.check check check.

The final Thing I wanted to do was see the psychic. J's mom goes to get a reading every year. The psychic had predicted her brother death, and her step fathers. I have been stuck for a while, and really needed something. Not to mention I have always wanted to go to a psychic.
I walked into her trailer and sat down at a small table. I noticed the mass amounts of crosses and pictures of Jesus all around me. I looked at the older lady, not wearing a bra, cigarette in hand, wild black hair, and I was nervous. I got a palm reading and a card reading. And even though there a many of you out there who are thinking this is such BS. I don't feel that way. Actually I kind of felt the same way when I got my patriarchal blessing.
The lady, Marda, asked me to shuffle the cards and focus on the things that I want answers to. Or direction. I did, I split the deck into four piles. She flipped the first card and said "Your stuck. You have reached a spot in your life and you feel stuck." Chills ran down my spine.
Next card. "Are you close to your Father?" she told me that she feels a closeness between us that is very strong. She said he is near me a lot, and that he was now.
Next card. "You just went through a hard break up. He was very important to you." she told me he was emotionally draining on me. And even though parts of me still loved him that I needed to let him go, because he would never give me what I needed. She mentioned that he holds a great amount of respect for me and thinks very highly of me.
Next card. Love is around the corner for you. She said she felt I had been alone for a long time, and that even though I am young I have experienced a great deal of hardship. She said I was going to find a man to love me soon. That I already know him, that I just needed to get to know him. That he would be a hard worker, and a good guy.
She mentioned that I was going to be taking a trip in the near future, some where with water.
flipped a card. "Your going to be very professional in your work." When I told her what field I was in she said it matched what she saw very well. She flipped another card and told me I would be very successful in my career and be comfortable in my future life. That I would buy a home with the man that I will meet soon, we will have 3 healthy kids and that we will live a long time together. She told me I should live until I was about 82 83ish.
She also told me that I have healing hands. That people feel healed by me. And that I have a bit of psychic in me. She said that I get dreams that come true (which is true), and that the older I get the more often I will get them and the stronger it will become. She mentioned a closeness with my Brother and sister that would never go away. She also told me that I would be attending a funeral soon, but that I was not close with the person.
She said a lot. At times I thought how could she know this about me? And in the end it was worth every penny.
Even if you think it's a load of crap.

Whoop up days HUGE check.

Eat, Pray, Love.

Some times in life you have these moments. You are sitting some where and at that moment you are filled with joy. At that moment you feel like the person you really are, all your flaws and your strengths weave together into one beautiful person. And deep down to your very core you feel that you are at peace.

There are moments in my life where I have felt this. There are also moments I expect to feel this. And even though I have these moments, I still don't feel I know who I am. Do you know who you are? I watched the movie "Eat Pray Love". I went to this movie for three reasons
1. I love Julia Roberts
2. I love movies that take place in exotic locations
3. I knew it would inspire me to get back to finding myself.

Here's some thing I decided in the movie. I know a great deal about myself. I just often feel that I can not be myself to please others. I want to live my life for me. I do believe in a God. My God is different then your God, as your God is different then some body else. To me he means some thing totally different then what he means to you.
God dwells within me, as me. I don't think God is interested in the show. He doesn't want to see me as the perfect church goer. And never really understanding who I am. He loves me. And he wants me to see my self as I am, so I can love myself as much as he does. God doesn't only love and bless people who follow LDS church standards. He sends blessing to each person every day. All I have to do is breathe to get them. And even though at time I feel that being who I am, may appear to be wrong to those that I love the most. I know that God wants me to figure it all out, so that I can be just as at peice with myself as he is.

If there was one word i could pick to describe my very being at this moment it would be..... I wish I knew. I don',t at times I think it would be artistic, but that is just a talent it is not who I am. It is not the word that sums up me. What would your word be? Not an easy question. I started on a journey to find myself, and I have become a little stalled. But then again maybe I just feel stalled and that is holding me back. I am making a promise to myself at this moment. To start to live life. I'm not going to do it by traveling across the world right now. Right now I am going to live my life by learning lessons, loving and sharing every small moment I have. Learning how to draw knowledge from the people around me.

In the end this post is meant for one thing only. To tell you that I am finding out who I am. And that I am not afraid to be who I want to be. That the only approval that is satisfying is your own. And that even though my life seems like nothing special right now, it is, to me.

been there done that

I really want to post. Unfortunately I don't have much to say.

I know you were all waiting to hear about the weekend of weddings. Ok well lets just say after the weekend of the weddings I went to Bryan's house and cried for 15 minutes from exhaustion. This does not mean that I did not enjoy both weddings a lot. I did. by 5pm Sunday night I was so tired I was literally falling apart. My knee was in a tenser bandage, my arm was being bandaged up and my stomach was being pumped fulll of food. As I have no pictures form wedding number two yet, this is all you get.

I love this girl, her baby, and her new man! Love you Mrs. Fox-Walker. Oh and just for emphasis of how much I love this family here is another picture <3

Ok Ok moving on. I finally quit at Reitmans. Not because I don't love it... I do a lot. unfortunately sometimes your happiness has to be dictated by money. and Reitmans is not making me any. Plus the theater isn't that bad. I mean there's free drinks and pop corn on shift, Bryan is there....oh right and the assistant manager is pretty cute! So I am destined to permanently smell like buttered pop corn. I guess it could be worse, I could smell like a deep fryer.


So the Bam Fram Froosh was here for wedding one. You know Lauraj? We have this little joke about how every picture we take together we are matching...Case and point.
Picture one Grade 11 on our way to the Anti-Flag concert, If you cant tell we are both dressed the same and have the same pink in our hair, same necklace......

Picture two LizD's wedding we were in the bridal party (we were the bridal party!)...

Picture three Stephy's wedding....well the trend continues.

BFF's or twins? lol Thank God me and Bryan don't wear matching cloths in our pictures!

Ok well I posted. Maybe next time I will have something to say! Love you Bloggers

Cray Town

I got another job! yeah! It's a bit late but in the case of money I will say, better late than never! I have had two training days at the movie theater this week. It's not so bad, I mean it's not the most glamorous job..... I did have to break down and buy all black shoes, that are definitely ugly but in a cute way. They don't have a whole lot of grip on them so last night I found my feet slowly moving out from under me. And instead of walking I kind of glide around concession. For the most part it might actually be one of the easiest jobs I have ever done. We'll see so far so good.

So the weekend of the weddings is steadfastly approaching. That means a few things.

1. I am going to have to wear a dress and high heels for two days straight......not a big deal. It's not as if though I am a tom boy, but I don't really wear dresses often, I tend to forget you can't move your legs certain ways or sit certain ways. Not to mention Steph's bridesmaids dress is a little snug, so breathing is kind of restricted.

2. I am going to be in front of a camera for two days, not behind one. At first I thought great I would love some new pictures especially ones were everyone is dressed up nice. Then I realized oh I don't get to take any of these pictures. That's sad. So dear photographers if you see me scowling in your direction it's only because I would rather be taking those photos!

3. there's gonna be a lot of driving! I have to go to Calgary and pick up Laura, come home. Drive to the other side of the city for a bachlorette party, come home. Drive all over the city to get my hair done, the ceremony, the pictures, the reception. Then drive to Cochrane. For someone who doesn't drive that's a lot of driving.

All in all the weekend of weddings will be enjoyable, entertaining, and I am sure a little dramatic. I mean I can only stand Nicki for small amounts of time before I am ready to knock a bitch out. Just saying I might have to set her control freak of a self straight a time or two. See you at the weddings.....or you know stay tuned for scenes from them!

U Smile

I think the reason I blog WAY less than I once did is probably because my life is not actually that exciting on a day to day basis. I know what a SHOCKER! But it has been a while since I have done a random things post. So here are a few things that have crossed my mind lately.

1. Have you ever read a post on my blog and thought "wow, why is that the title of this post?" Well that's because about 4 months ago I realized something. It takes to damn long to think up cleaver titles! Since I always listen to music when I write on my blog, I started naming my post the name of the song that is playing when I started writing. It's true, if I started writing this 5 minutes later than I did this post would be called 4th dimensional transition.... it just makes life easier.

2. Many of you know my bestie Bry. We spend a lot of time together. A lot of late nights talking and such. Most of the time he is the one who get super tired first and starts talking weird. It's a result of sleeping pills he takes. The other night, I was on the couch and he was on his lap top. I remember talking but at the time it seemed to make so much more sense.We tend to have our best conversations when we are tired....It might be because we are both to tired to worry about the others feelings.
Bry: "For us spending 36 hours a day together we get along pretty well."
Cathy: "We do spend infant amounts of time together.....there isn't 36 hours in a day."
Bry: "It's weird how well we get along"
Cathy: "Yeah, well it's probably cuz the only time I leave is when you are being a douche."
Bry (I don't think he caught on to the last comment of mine): "It's like the universe made sure we met. You know?"
Cathy: "I think the universe just made it so I can put up with you."
Bry: "No the universe made it so I can put up with....Stupid WARLOCKS!"
Cathy: "We do spend a lot of time together"
Bry: "That's cuz I loooove you and your my best friend"......"Cathy? CATHY!"
Cathy: "......Can we go to sleep yet? I am f-ing tired Bry."

3. Did you know that I can never spell because right when I type? I always spell it right when I am writing it. This is why, in grade 2 my teacher taught me a rhyme to remember how to spell it "Bats Eat Cats And Ugly Snake Eggs". To this day every time I write because I say that in my head. When I type I don't and I spell it wrong EVERY time......sad.

Goodnight Moon

It has been a long 3 months. Possibly the very longest. I had some pretty bad moments, there were plenty of tears shed. I never thought that my life could get any harder than it has been. But it did. Of course it did. Now that I am on the other side of it all, things are looking a lot better.

One night I went to sleep, before I laid down I looked out side and thought "Well, I hope things are really going to be better tomorrow." I went to bed, and the next morning things were different.

The first thing that got better was me. I have had issues with Bryan dating other people for a while. I couldn't figure out how to shake that feeling. You know that heart stabbing, angry, jealous feeling? I shook that feeling. I'm not really sure what changed.....I think it was just me who changed. I now hope he dates other people, it gives me a chance to have a break! I learned a lot from being with Bryan. That is something I don't regret. Bryan helped me find parts of me that I didn't know were there. And parts of me that had been gone for a long time. The most important things he taught me were: Honesty always, forgiveness, and that every one is just human and they need to learn just as much as I do form the situation.

Second thing that got better was my dreams. For a while I felt like I wanted to do nothing. A few days ago I picked up my camera, and went out to take some pictures, to waste time. Three hours later I was finished shooting, editing, and uploading them.  I flipped through them and realized something, I love this. Not just like this LOVE this. I have never in my life felt as good as I do when I am taking pictures. I love everything about it. I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that I will never ever give up photography. It is like a piece of me, that I just discovered.

Third thing to change was my attitude. I have always felt that if you laugh at it, it can't hurt you. At some point in the last three months I forgot to laugh. I honestly woke up a few days ago and realized, all those little things that were building up and destroying me, were actually pretty funny. So I laughed all day long, I laughed at every little thing that was meant to hurt me. Everything that was tearing me apart. You know what there getting better.

Fourth thing that I discovered. Was me. I started on this path to figure out who I really was a while ago. I didn't know me, I didn't know what I could do, who I could love, how I was going to live my life.  I spent a majority of this journey doing things differently than was expected of me. I moved in with a gay guy. I had a real relationship with a boy. I went to college parties, I played flip cup and beer pong. I fell in love with communication arts, and then with photography. I stopped loving a God that I didn't understand, and started looking for one that I do. I learned about all kinds of things. I found a best friend, who yes is often an idiot but who really cares about me. I learned about mental health. I learned about love, lust, and cheating.I learned to be honest always, and that I actually really love comic books movies. I am really happy with how I am living my life right now. And I am sure that my life will continue to change. That's the thing about finding your self. Your never your self very long, before who you are changes again. Things changes always, and continuously.

I know that this won't be the last time my life is going to be hard. I even know that it might be a lot harder. There are a thousand things I haven't lived and don't understand. And I know that I can do it. T and KC might have to save me a few more times. Mom might have to endure a few more phone calls that start like "Mom? *sob sob* every thing is shit! *sob sob sob*". Bryan might have to stay over months on end. Lucky I know they will be there. So ok, thanks for the life lesson God. I look forward to continuing to finding out who I am. Today, tomorrow, and forever.