the new year.

2008 has been full of its ups and downs. there was love, and there was hate. Theres was heart ache and there was joy, theres was sstress and relaxation, there were good byes and hellos. and there were a handful of people that I owe everything to (you know who you are). In the last hours of this year I sit in my Aunts house, waiting to go to a dance with an old friend and a new friend, and I realize that even though some serious things happened to me this year, I am still here and still strong. Thanks to everyone who watched me, saved me, and told me when I was screwing up.

1.what did you do in 2008 that you have never done before? I explored the unknow, and lived my life for me. I sniff out new opertunities and broke my own heart. I lived, good and bad, but it was a real life.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for 2008? Once agian I made no resulutions....however the only resolution I made this year was to do T's weight loss challenge, and well I WAY lost out on that one.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2008? YES!!! Anika, had a beautiful baby boy Westley (who I have yet to meet).

4. Did anyone close to you die in 2008? Another yes, my Grandma Shipley passed away this year.

5. What countries did you visit this year? This year is rather pathetic, at least last year I went to the USA but this year.....nowhere but home.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Money, and perhaps a little more smarts, and a sence of direction of the big city.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? november 25th......Because thats the day I walked away from cody and changed my life.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? taking control of my emotions from Cody, and moving to the big city.

9. What was your biggest struggle in 2008? Trying to get into College in January, it was by far more dramatic than it needed to be, but so worth it. And the summer.

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury in 2008? other than a broken heart no.

11. What was the best thing you bought this year? its a tie between my Laptop and my favorite perfume (vera wang princess) the perfume only because it took me almost a full year to break down and spend that much money on a bottle of perfume.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I would have to say not to many people, but Elizabeth gets props for dumping Brett and finding her true love Eldon. Most of the people in my life got worse this year.

13. Whose behavior dissappointed you? its a tie between Stephs and Lauras

14. Where did most of your money go? I'm not entirley sure, but best guess is pointless crap.

15. What did you get really really excited about this year? David to come home.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? For the nights I cant remember-hedley, anything by Alexz Johnson, and Sing- Theo Tams

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: much happier, much nicer or richer? Happier 100%, Nicer probally not, and richer it probally evens out.

19. What do you wish you had done less of? dreaming, and obsessing over Cody.

20. Did you fall in love in 2008? yes

21. What was your favorite TV Program in 2008? GOSSIP GIRLS!!!!

22. What was the best book you read this year? The Twilight series hands down.

23. What was your greatest musical discovery this past year? That I can listen to whatever I want, and still be cool! oh and city and colour.

25. What was the best movie you saw this year? Seven pounds, sex and the city.

26.What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn? I turned 19, and I partied with my closest friends at the slice and listened to a Jimi Hendrixs cover band. Best birthday hands down.

27. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying? If I had never fell for Cody, and If Nolan had not moved away, mostly if Nolan never moved away cuz if he hadn't Cody would have never come.

28. How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year? The Scarf.

29. What kept you sane this year? Tiffany. Mom. God. (not necessarily i that order cuz no offence T I think God would have to go first! but just due the the whole father of the world thing)

30. What celebrity did you fancy the most? this year I developed my Earl Stevenson obsession, and Gerad Buttler obssesion, oh and Ew Westwick and of course Robert Patinson! But this year the man that truely won my heart was.....Edward Cullens.

31. Who did you miss this past year? Kristian.

33. Who were the best new people you met this year? Jessica, Blaine (note to readers I knew him before this year but I really only got to know most of my family this year).

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year.

This year the most Valuable lesson I learned is to have faith in myself too. That I can make it, I'm strong. Also that Famly is always there for you, friends isnt always were its at. That even the most impossible things can be over come. And of course even though I constantly stumble along the way god is there to pick me up, brush me off and push me farther.

I also learned this year that my father wasn't the monster I thought he was.

I said it would never happen.......

A few times in my life I have made the bold statement, "I will never do____"
Once it was "I will never move to lethbridge".
Once it was "I will never move to Calgary".
And Once it was "I will never go to BYU".
well I did move to Lethbridge, followed by a move to Calgary, and guess what now I am trying to get into BYU.
I guess I should stop saying never. It all happened while watching the RM over Christmas. A small voice said to me, go to BYU. Which was an answer to the question of the month. All month long I had been thinking, I dont know what I going to do with my life, I dont feel like Mt. Royal is the place to go, I don't even feel Europe is the place to go (which was a shock, because I always feel Europe is the place to go.) So there sitting on the couch with my adopted family it dawned on me, I need to go to BYU. I felt that I need to go to BYU Idaho, but of course because I have a passion to live in a destination that feels foreign, I decided to try for BYU Hawaii as well.

First step- Take the ACT's
this is a scary step for someone who has been out of high school a year and a half. But I payed for the test and prep courses so I might as well jump in with both feet. So once I take this test April 4th, I can apply to BYU.
Of course taking a test with a bunch of kids that started high school the year I graduated, didn't sound all that appealing to me. So I opted to taking it at the college in the bridge, due to the fact that the big city doesn't have any place to take the test.
So calling all math experts, science nerds and history buffs. I need some good tutors.

Christmas

I'm back! and alive (barely it was a long trip). I could give you a play by play, but I was gone for over 10 days and well I just don't want to write that much. so here are a few Christmas highlights!

-David is exactly the same as when he left. Same corny jokes, same bad fashion, same conversation skills, same weight, same height, the list goes on. however he does help out around the house more. All my former thoughts of marriage to this boy flew out the window at the first science joke. Still as big as a dork as the day he left!

-Cody was not seen or heard from all through my Christmas holiday.

-High school friends that you didn't truly get along with all that well in high school, will still be equally as annoying. even when you haven't seen them for a year.

-Christmas presents are a lot more fun to get on Christmas. I happened to have opened the majority of my presents before I went home. Which was kind of upsetting on Christmas, when every one was so surprised to get a new camera or a new crock pot, and I was not surprised to get the same walmart 3 pack of lotion I have got every year for the past 3 years. I'm not complaining they did add a delightful melon sent to the pack this year. I'm just saying, it pays to hold off sometimes.

-Southern Alberta is always a good place to vacation when you would like to stay a little bit longer than you planned. Why is that you may ask??? because 85% of the time there will be some freak weather change like 5 feet of snow on Christmas day, and you will be stuck there, until the next freak weather change in a day or two. When the snow all melts in plus 16 weather.

-only at Christmas can you find room for 27 people to sleep in a 5 bedroom house. and only the dedicated try to feed them breakfast lunch and dinner for 4 days.

- It never seems to not shock me how other people have grown. Yes I am very different than the day I left my hometown, I have change a ton. But I never expect anyone els to change. And yet the phrase "look how big he's gotten" came out of my mouth at least a dozen times. And when I realized the nieces were both talking in full sentences and dressing themselves, It was kind of like discovering My lovely blond haired blue eyed little nieces had been abducted. people grow up even after you move away.

well I'm sure theres a lot more, but all in all it was a good Christmas filled with the people that I love. But I am more than happy it is over and I'm back in my bed. And that there isn't mass amounts of 4 year olds climbing up and down me. I hope your Christmas' where as good as mine. well maybe minus the food sickness that occured after BG took me for Chinese food on the way there! time to get back to life.

one day

for those of you on my facebook page you should know that I leave for home in just one day!!!! it gets better after a visit with my bff BG, he decided that he would go to the temple on friday, and I offered for him to drive me home (with of course, a nice sum of cash for gas).
I know what some of you that know BG are thinking....good luck with that, 2 hours in a car with the deepest thinker on the planet. But it I would hands down chose 2 hours of mind stimulating conversation with my cousin/Bff, then have to endure 3 hours of hard seats no heat and random strangers that usually smell like something rotten. Plus I do like BG, so I' am rather excited.

Another reason to be excited is I have a job interview tomorrow. At an finances company! (this is really only exciting to me, and maybe T. cuz she had to put up with me applying for a billion jobs online and getting no calls back. well it took 2 months but it worked T! good thing we didn't hold our breathes!) So tomorrow I will brave the corporate world one more time, and attempt to pull my self out of the bra and pantie company and into the the world of Financial planning!
So I asked my manager today if I could leave a half hour early to get there with plenty of time. and she said no, of course. She followed that up with a, "you realize LaSenza expects your second job to work around your hours here." I almost laughed out loud.....but quickly saved my self with a"oh yeah of course."
As if I would tell that to a job that will pay at least 12 bucks an hour and give me perfect hours!

well this will most likely be the last post until Christmas. So Merry Christmas bloggers! hope you get what you wanted, and you feel the love this christmas.

face the facts

so today marks the 5 day mark until I make the bus ride home to the bridge/hometown. I am excited for about a million reasons some being:
-I will get to see my bestest of friends that I haven't seen in two months.
-I get to see Elder Fox, who will be home from Idaho.
-I will get to spend Christmas with my other mother, who I miss.
-I get to hit up all my high school hang outs, including Dairy Queen and the temple grounds.
-I may or may not see the man I wanted to marry, who moved to Ontario.
-I will be receiving presents, which is always nice.
-foods always better at the holidays.
-I don't have to go to work for a week!!!
-I don't have to stress about Cody, and what will happen this time with us, cuz there is no us.

I am also nervous for a million reason, some being:
-I may or may not run into Cody, and since we are on the out, and since he has the maturity level of a 8 year old, it might get ackward.
-I may or may not run into the man that I wanted to marry, who moved to Ontario.
-I get to see Elder fox, who will be back from his mission in Idaho, who will also be different, and potentially judgemental.
-I may be a little over whelmed by the bridge.....I was last time. still don't know if I'm ready for that again.

but regardless of the facts, I am going. I am excited, and horrified, but I'm going.

I realized something today.....
I had a little situation in my house. My roomie Sam left her dog unattended in the backyard, for 3 days. on the coldest 3 days of the year in the big city. with no food. So since I tend to get worked up easily, with little convincing from my other roomies, who have put up with this kinda stuff from her for a while, I told her if she didn't come get in in 4 hours, it would be taken to the SPCA.

Now that seemed logical, leave your dog in the cold with no food for 3 days, it get taken away.

Then she called me crying.

Then I felt like a jerk.

Then she came home, and packed all her stuff, and told me not to speak to her. and then she left. And then I felt like a huger jerk.

BG called today in the middle of this.
his summery of the story was this.
"Your life is like really dramatic all the time."
If he only knew the half of it.
this how ever annoyed me. My life since leaving the bridge is 100% less dramatic. But still, did I create a situation that didn't need to happen, because I like drama?
I had to stop and ask myself. Was I the kind of person who likes having drama in my life. I always have my fare share of it, but I always thought it found me. But maybe I find it.
This was a sad realization, I don't want to be the girl who seeks drama out in her life.
This one comment in our half hour conversation is really the only thing that stuck out to me, even amongst all the rest we discussed, this was the only thing he said that was like "wow".
So from now on I'm keeping a look out for Drama. I did realize after my reflection period, that I totally created a situation that was dramatic. and I hated it. I feel so bad that she got hurt. When I thought I was just doing it to help a dog, who spent the last 2 nights foodless and cold. I guess from now on I will look at both sides before making rash decisions.

This weekend is the weekend all my roomies move out. Yesterday Shona left, and tomorrow Arianna and Court, leave. It is rather sad, I grew to love these girls. we had some fun times in the past month. But i'm sure I will have some good times with my new roomies.
I have been left as head of the house, but after more thoughtful thinking time, and some loud comments from my step father in the background of my conversation with my mother. I have realized that I don't really have a desire to be the head of the house. and so I plan on passing it to my roomie Naomi. who I A) trust and B) know will be more than happy to take over.
I came to the city to work on my issues......well this is my chance to give up some control. Which is hard for a control freak like me. But she can handle it and I don't want to.

Still haven't hear back from the Peru people. I'm kind of on the fence about this one. I guess once I know if I can go or not, I will have some serious thinking and praying to do. I know when my mom reads this she will be saying "YES! i did get through to her, she might not go to a foreign country!" well have no fear mom, your logic may stop me from taking off so soon, but it wont stop me from taking off! lol. I might just have to wait a year to turn 21 and then I'll try Romania instead.

well I guess thats it. 5 more days until i'm home sweet home bound. and it couldn't come soon enough.
Good Bye old roomies it been fun.

This is Me

Today I did it.
Today I put one of my life dreams into course.
Today I applied to spend 3 weeks in March working with children in Peru.
Today I stopped talking about my life plans, and started living.
Today I decided that I am just strong enough to do this.
48 hours, and I will know if I get to make a life dream come true.
Peru here I come!

gossip girl generated tears.

So if you dont know I have a slight obsession with GOSSIP GIRL.
it is the best show ever.
last night after work i settled in to watch the episode I had been dieing to see. and then it reached this part....



which was followed by.....


that was it I lost it.... you see I have always been in love with the character of chuck bass, and i have always related with blare. and when their love story stared to pan out, it mimicked Cody and I. this moment brought me to tears, I watched the last 3 months of our friendship play (slightly more glamorously) out in front of my eyes. but then this scene came.



the only difference is he never left a note.
I lost it, I called laura and cried and cried. And I realized that it always ends that way, I always wake up alone, I never save him. he just gets worse and worse and worse.
The End
so touche gossip girls, I don't know how you can read my mind, but you sure did, think I could make a cut for what happens next. it's a really empowering story.

11th day of Love

I will be posting videos (see the side bar) for some of the days of love. Today is about friendship. watch the trailer, rent the movie, feel the love from 4 best friends!

Thank Heavens its Friday!

So despite my best efforts to enjoy this week, it hasn't happened. The job just isn't doing it for me anymore. Two days ago I almost was flashed by a post baby mama, who was desperate to find out her bra size. Lady I have been trained to do this, so when I say you can keep your clothes on I MEAN IT! ew. as if i ever wanted to see that. ew. Besides that the words "Cathy if you don't put your head set on I will have to write you up" came out of my managers mouth today. Write me up? and say what? I don't have a headset on, so you had to do that bra fitting your self! or is it becasue I wont be up to date on every thing happening in Garage? cuz they sure talk alot on our head sets. I mean honestly the store isn't THAT big. and I feel foolish when I'm trying to help a customer and have to say "Um can you wait like two seconds to talk? I can't hear you over the other store which won't stop talking in my ear!" or even more foolish when my store starts talking to me and I start talking to them back, and the customers look at me like "Why is this chick talking about bra's to herself, man shes worked here to long!"
All in all I have to say that the fun of this job is officially worn off. Makes me miss the good old days at T's, where even though I was ready to pull my hair out with boredom, at least I wasn't being flashed by 40 year old women. T's good at keeping her clothes on, it's was Mr. O I had to look out for!

So one Missionary down one to go. Elder Fox comes home like any day now......not that I wrote to him that much lately. It's amazing how fast 2 years goes by. Theres a few things I hope this mission did For Elder Fox.
A) He learnt to clean.
B) He became more social...and less computer nerd.
How ever it is month 6 for Elder Hatch. I play a game with him, every month I send him some thing that represents how many months he's been out. month four was a post car of the beatles (4 beatles, 4 months) and this month is was a pink unicorn card that said "3+3=6" (I know creative hey!) either way when I stopped to think how many months its been since he left, I was rather flabbergasted. 6 months, that only leaves 18 months for me to get into a serious relationship or married, before he gets home, and I have to break it to him again, that I don't see him like that. I better get on that!

My little bro is at state championships for his high school football team tonight! go bulldogs! I am very proud of my little bro. I spent many days worried that he would grow up to be a video gaming pansy, who cried all the time. It is good to know that he became the opposite ( I'm sure the constant beating on him helped that!) but that isn't why I'm actually proud of little bro. mostly its good to see him do something he loves, and it's even better to see him live a dream. Now if I could just get him to keep the football video games in his room, where I never have to watch them again. Things will be perfect! lol. good luck little bro!

So tonight in the big city is the metallica concert. Lauraj, Wilbur, and Din are attending. Last night she texted "Hey can we crash at your place after the concert?"
the first thought was "um......nice of you to ask the night before."
the second thing that came to mind is "man how are the girls that sleep downstairs going to react when they come traipsing down the stairs, and see two rather large Indian guys, dressed in black, smelling of beer, laying on their floor?"
Of course, since in the words of Court "there are no rules in this house" I said yes. however after saying this I realized I don't really want them here. just lauraj, yes. But not the whole crew. it's hard enough to feed my self, let alone two stoned men. lucky for me she cancelled last second, leaving me to have a great night watching August Rush (HOLY CRAP! so good!!! I cried for like 10 minutes afterwards!) and spend the night with my soon to be departing favourite roomie.

Life or something like it

Well it's now been two months since I left the comfort of my old life, and started a new one.
to tell you the truth i haven't changed all that much, i just found what I was looking for. The only real change is in my emotions for people. but you all know about that. I just found all the pieces of me that I lost somewhere between my roots and my wings.
My mom use to talk about having roots a lot when I was younger. the thing she never mentioned is once your roots are firmly planted, they don't go anywhere. I was so afraid of losing my roots, that I lost my wings.
I have always been more of a free spirit, I always dreamt of having wings. And now I can. because my roots aren't going anywhere. At the end of the day where ever there is love there is roots. I thought I had to stay in Cardston to have them, then I came to the big city and realized they were here to. every time I talk to my Mom I realize I have them there to.
So I guess my advice would be, don't plant your roots in the ground, plant them in the hearts of the people that love you. Then no matter how far your wings take you, you will always have a home.
Knowing this has opened doors that have been close (emotionally) for me for years. I have always been a big dreamer, I always talk about travelling the world, writing books, painting the world, discovering cultures, and people. But I was so scared I felt like I couldn't do anymore than what I already was doing. Not anymore. Every morning I wake up and feel like I can do anything. The best thing about that feeling is that it is so true. Every morning I wake up get dressed and go to work, for eight hours I think of all the new things I could do with my life. Because I know that working there isn't for me.
I have finally discovered why I hate every job I have ever had. Every job I have ever done, has been pointless, what help am I to others folding panties? riddle me that. Would our world be a worse place if no one every hung a bra up? It might be a little more disorganized, but I think we would make it. I have hated every job I have ever had, because it has made no difference, in my life or any one elses. I'm not the kind person who find joy in doing pointless things. I can't believe it took me nearly 8 years of my working life to figure that out. So for now I will go on folding panties and hanging bras, but it will only be until I can find a new job that has meaning. I am already planning to spend a summer in Romania working in an orphanage (I have 3 friends over there right now, I'm planning on talking about how to do it with them). and while I save for that great life adventure I will keep working this job, until something more meaningful comes only.
on Sunday I was struck with a tid bit of knowledge in relief society, being single is a gift. this is time I have been given to do things to help others, to better my self. I am wasting so much time worrying about getting married, that I am letting the gift slip away.
I want to look back on these years and see how they shaped me into the mother and wife I want to be. Not look back and see all the time I spent falling in and out of love with stupid boys. I want to spend this time going from a girl to a women.
As for right now, every day is better than the last. I have family, I have friends, I have me, and I have the lord. What more could I ask for?

The Holiday Season

December is a busy month, people pile in and out of stores. Streets jam up with people hauling 5 pounds of extra weight around their arms. Post offices become a war zone, money flies from one hand and out the other. Snow starts to fall, and people realize that Christmas is coming up fast. I can always tell when Christmas is getting really close, especially in the city. Christmas=Money=Love. I have always been greatly apposed to the whole Christmas notions, but then again I have had people trying to buy my love since I was born. regardless, Christmas has always been about love to me. because even though I hate the busy, consumer driven crowds, I do love the Christmas Season. So This Christmas season I want to spread a little love.
So In honour of the 12 Days of Christmas I will be posting the 12 Love stories of Christmas. Love of families, love of friends, love of soul mates (I'm not going to lie theres gonna be a lot of the latter!)In hopes that this Christmas season you will feel the love, even while standing in a line that will take an hour to get through!
My First story comes strait from the pages of another blogger. Who I think is desperately fabulous! I stumbled across the blog "Clever girl goes blog" about 6 months ago, Tia is a brilliant writer by night, hair dresser by day. Last night I read a post she wrote that brought me to tears! I hope you enjoy her post, and please continue to read her blog shes a great writer and tons of fun!

www.clevergirlgoesblog.com/2008/12/homecoming.html

I hope you love it as much as I did!