ok I lied..... I know I made it sound like I was all good with BG going to China in my last post. I'm not very good at lying. So here's the story. It was Monday night and I was awaiting BG at work to pick me up to go to FHE. and I waited and waited and waited, and while I waited I thought (which is never a good thing). for the first 15 minutes I waited, I thought about how every man in my life, leaves. This was probably not the best of topics to think about, while awaiting my cousin who is also leaving. for the next 20 minutes I thought about how BG was leaving, just when I had gotten close enough for it to matter. So needless to say, I was cold, and frustrated and BG was 40 minutes late. this ended with small tears, then BG showed up. His face brought bigger tears. Unfortunately he had no idea why I was crying...... except for the fact that he was 40 minutes late. So because he is a man, he assumed that that was the issue. Which it is not.
I didn't have the courage to say this to his face, I'm not entirely sure why, not last night or tonight. So I'm writing this in hopes that BG will read it (PS since I do really want him to read this would someone *cough T or Mom* inform him before he goes to China there's a blog post for him on my blog! thanks Fam)
I totally understand why he has to go to China, that's not the problem. The problem is that I don't think I have ever had such a good friend as BG. and trust me losing friends is hard. even though, I am not actually loosing him, because of past experiences my mind prepares its self for the worst.
The other night He mentioned that he felt like no one really cared that much if he went back, and that everyone in China was so excited for him to come back. But this is not true, I really do care that he is leaving, BG means a lot to me. He's both family and friend, and I want him to know that even though everyone else may have lives that he isn't really that big of a part of, he will always be a really big part of my life (even from China). I am so grateful that he came home even just for these few months, I needed a friend like BG so bad after the events of this summer.
I will miss BG, a lot. Probably more than I can express in a blog post or even a conversation. He has been one of the key players in helping me find the girl I lost, and becoming the girl that I am. I hope he accomplishes everything he sets out to in China. I'll be there in August dirt poor, but hopefully still standing.
I'll miss you B.
2 comments:
Dear Cathy:
Sometimes I lie too. It’s not easy for me to leave you or the rest of my family. Sometimes I need to tell myself that my family doesn’t care or that the people over in China are excited to have me back--because this is a hard transition. Although, I’m a big, strong person on the outside, I still get scared and feel doubt on the inside.
I guess that shows that I’m also weak. I care about you very deeply. Being able to spend time with you this past half-year has meant the world to me. You know how I’m just a big kid inside. You were always kind to me and when I was crazy and said really strange things you laughed and smiled.
I’m going to miss your smiles and the happiness we both felt when we hung out. I’ll miss telling you about the girls that I was chasing (mostly in my head) and being able to relax and know that the world didn’t matter.
I feel strongly the hand of the Lord in this move. He has prepared me to succeed, just as He has prepared you to succeed. I think one reason that we were blessed to spend time together is because we were both shattered from previous experiences and now healed by friendship. I know you will succeed at what ever you do and I know that you have the love of our family to support you.
Plus, now I know your blog address. Perhaps you can show me how to make one of these blogs so that it’s easier for us to keep track of each other, on opposite sides of the globe.
BG
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