Wednesday, May 28, 2008

a weekend in a cold lake

Friday i will be leaving on a much needed vacation.....its not like im stressed, i just really need to get away from these people. You know how sometimes you just need a change of scenery...well im in that same boat. I've had this trip planned for a while....
I know see that im taking this trip so i can run away. run away for one person that i can no longer stand.
How do you cut someone out of your life? is it possible? I always told him that i wanted him in my life....i but i now realize i want nothing more for him to never speak to me again. All the stress that he brings with him would just go away.
I have cut people out of my life before. usually i have nothing to complain about. It usually works out great. Cutting Mel out of my life was the right thing to do, taking bonnie out of my life saved me from myself. Cutting my dad out i still haven't decided if that was the right thing to do.....
In the end i know that i will never be able to just say goodbye get out. he would never leave. but i can. or sooner he will go on a mission and then i can leave. actually the sooner act is me leaving for Italy. but a girl can only dream that the one person that makes her life hellish would just up and disappear. Im not even angry..... I just am so sick and tired of feeling like scum around him. It amazes me that i allowing him to make me feel like that. I use to be so much stronger than that.
I guess im just going to have to keep running. running from my best friend. I wouldn't go so far as to call him that anymore. I truly hope he just gets it and leaves me alone while he is ahead.
i hope this trip does something for me. I hope it reminds me that i was an amazingly fun awesome person before him and i still am.

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

Yes, you are always an amazing, fun, awesome person and no one can change that about you!