Wednesday, December 26, 2007
the pirate in my crall space
About 3 weeks ago my room mate came home with this huge pirates of the Caribbean talking poster thing. it is as big as a decent big screen TV. and it is green and has the pirates skull on it. but it has 6 catch phrases. now some of you i know will read this and think it wicked! i want one! and under normal circumstances i would probably agree.
But this HUGE pirate sign was brought to our home by matea. if you read my earlier entries she truly pisses everyone off. and she has this insane habit of buying things and leaving them struin about our living room, because she has run out of room in her bed room for them.
so when this pirate graced us with its presents, we were all but impressed. of course she ran it to our house holding this huge thing as it spewed out catch phrases like " come sail the seven sea to world end this Christmas, with pirates of the Caribbean at worlds end!"
she was in hysterics she thought it was so funny, she had coned a guy in walmart to give it to her. of course i looked at her and asked "where exactly are you going to put that huge thing? cuz you sure ain't leaving it in our living room matea!" she responded with, "o i can put it in the crawl space until my mom come to visit and then she can take it home with her!"
so the pirate was shoved into our crawl space 3 weeks ago. most of you would think that isn't a problem. unfortunately the catch phrases are on a motion censer. which mean ever time you walk up the stairs, open the dryer, turn a light on, or hit the wall to hard it starts spewing out ugly pirate catch phrases. and worst of all it only seems to happen in the middle of the night, or when you are the only one home. so you freak out and automatically go into so fake karate stance to protect your self. and so for the past 3 weeks ever morning and every time i got up to go to the bathroom at nigh,t i had the living daylights scared out of me. and it was really starting to piss me off. at last Christmas came and the sign was suppose to have an exodus from our home. unfortunately it was left in the crawl space, as matea jetted off to her home for Christmas. This pissed me off even more. but i spent 2 days quietly putting up with it. then on christmas day i plotted a pirate-napping. were this sign got taken out of the crawl space run about 3 blocks down from our house, to flying fish park. where it would be chucked off the dock and into the middle of the frozen pond. so that A. she would never know where it was, and B. so that the dam pirate was out of my house.
lucky for matea i am a nice person. i did not go through with project pirate sails the fish pond.
so this morning i woke up and glanced at my room. realizing that i had no clean laundry in my room i figured i should at last give in and do it. so i sorted the colors, and the whites, and the darks. shoved them into a basket and headed to the hall. i turned on the lights opened and machine, put the laundry in. and suddenly it happened. IT TALKED! it scared the crap out of me i jumped a mile high. and i knew that it had to go at this very moment. with anger i ran to my room and grabbed my purple scissors. i marched to that crawl space and looked at the pirate. my hate was not for this pirate, it was for its owner, and all her inconsideration for her room mates. and then i saw it, the yellow wires that made that sucker talk. and without even heisting i cut the wires in half and stomped outta that crawl space. VICTORY IS MINE!!! and so ends the life of the pirate in our crawl space.