it is the night before Christmas eve. Christmas eve eve. its been a while since my last post. work has drain all my extra time. all my time in general. its become this huge burden, work has. its a boring pointless waste of time. all it is, is a pay off.
new subject.
Christmas, i am not looking forward to it. in fact I'm trying to block it out. i hate Christmas. i always have. its so commercial. its called Christ-mas and yet Christ has nothing to do with it these days. and so i am not having Christmas. i lied. at first i was going home. but the closer it got the less i wanted to go. really the only reason i wanted to go was Blake. but it wasn't incentive enough. well it was. just the feelings I'd have to deal with afterwards weren't. and so i lied to everyone. i told Mama Fox i had to work on Christmas day. LIE! we're closed Christmas day. then i told Blake i had to work.LIE! it wasn't that it was the feeling of wanting him to hold me so bad i could cry. but having to just be his best friend. Then Linda called and i told her i had to work. LIE! she saw right through it. and so i lied. to stay here and forget Christmas and all that it now represents.
besides the Christmas season and the tortoise amounts of shifts I've been working. i have started reading a wrinkle in time. this is by far my favorite book. its my second time reading it. it is so interesting and it makes me think. its so creative. i love it. i love to read but only when the book strikes me. i hate books that are just the same old crap.
anyway it short today
I'm just going to leave you with one last thought. don't let Christmas blind you. its not only once a year we should show our fellow man peace and compassion. but everyday we live. the spirit of Christmas is the ideal world. and if we all try that much harder, we will have a peaceful earth. don't let Christmas change you, just change you. Christmas is just a day. that's all. that's it.
sorry this was a rather negative one.
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