Sunday, August 9, 2009
Today I went to the boys house. On Sunday nights we usually watch movies all together. Some nights are better than others, but I usually go every Sunday.
Today we watched "Yes Man".
Good movie, Jim Carey is crazy but I love him.
After the movie ended I realized it may have changed me. Sad that a comedy film could change me.
I am that person the "No Man".
The one who says no because I am afraid to get hurt. I am afraid to let people into my life. Because they will leave and then I will be hurt. So for a whole summer I said no. No I don't want to do that, no I don't want to hangout with you. I made excuses that sounded like "I'm tired" "I'm sick" "I'm having a bad day" "I lost my phone". When what I was really trying to say was "I'm afraid to get close to you, because people always leave".
So now I know the problem.
I feel alone not because I am, but because it is easier to feel like this then to lose some one else.
Well I'm just going to have to get over that.
I have spent to much time trying to fix myself to just let that be that.
So I am going to take a leaf out of "Carls" book. And start saying yes even when I don't want to. And hopefully I will end up the way he did.
Full of life and not afraid to let people in.